View Full Version : silver inkubus
October 26th, 2004, 12:56 PM
i have an idea for a book and i want any opionons possible.
the book is called silver inkubus
okay the main character is a goth chick rocker who is in a band called vampire freak.
this is the snitch.
she's at a bar in new york for a gig and she goes outside for a smoke
her best friend who she's known her intire life is suppose to show up but has not as of this point she's lighting her cigarette and she hears a scream knowing her friend her entire life almost she knows its her friend screaming. when she gets there she finds her freinds corpse mutilated and torn apart she wimpers turns to run away but gets attacked by a creature i call silverinkubus. it's not a demon a werewolf or a vampire but all of them wihout the weaknesses. it bites her and she begins to change automatically. she burns the silverinkubus from the insid eout and runs.(one of the powers of silverinkubus)
The story is about her trying to survive on the streets while turning into a monster that she finds out killed her parrents and sister when she was 3 years old.
would you read it or not
October 26th, 2004, 04:58 PM
I've moved the thread to Writing, Inkubus, where it seems to be best suited.
October 26th, 2004, 05:01 PM
I probably wouldnt read it.
You need to learn to period things.
It almost seems originol but thats okay.
I havent read enough to be sure though, it might be good to send us a chapter 1.
October 26th, 2004, 05:26 PM
The monster has no weaknesses... so why hasn't it taken over the world?
There are a lot of holes in the story, and it NEEDS explanation.
Vampires fear sunlight, and depending on the myths you go by, crosses and garlic as well.
Werewolves only appear on the full moon and can be downed with a silver bullet.
Demons can be exorcized (is that the right conjugation?) or destroyed by holy relics...
Pretty much every mythological entity that is the "bad guy" has a weakness that explains why they don't rule the world... if this thing is that powerful, then your story is a bit too unbelievable.
October 26th, 2004, 08:47 PM
Probably not. Like TheEarCollector said, your monster needs some work. A monster without a weakness is boring. Look at any horror movie - the creature can have all sorts of incredible abilities but there's always a way to stop them - otherwise what's the point?
And if the transformation with incredible powers start instantly, the first two of these things should have killed each other instantly.
This story could work if she was attacked by a vampire or a werewolf and the attacker escaped and she wakes up on a gurney outside the city morgue, still zipped up in a body bag with a tag wired to her toe only to discover the only reason she's still alive is because she's becoming whatever her attacker was, but her friend's just dead.
Everybody wants to rush to the good part of the story - sit down and think it through and build up to it.
October 27th, 2004, 12:28 PM
The answer is, I don't know. Write it and see.
October 27th, 2004, 12:46 PM
i know there is a lot of gaps but it is just a general idea. The reason the silverinkubus haven't taken over the world is because they are to self centered to work with any other creature or demon. if they would work together they probably could take over but they do have a weakness it's how the main character got away. fire. See one of the twists is that she finds out she has the power of pyrokenis(i don't think i spelled that right.) So if her parrents had not been attacked she probalbly would have been able to figure out how to kill them sooner but the only family she's ever known(her best friend) is dead. The story is about life in the most strangest moments making you truly live and it's also about revenge. now when i say demon i don't mean the possessing kind i mean the type with certan powers. telekinesis, teleporting, ect.. i'll post the first chapter when i finish it. and ill post more details when they come to me.
October 27th, 2004, 03:22 PM
If you write it and put it in the community, someone will read it.
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