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October 28th, 2004, 01:31 PM
Alright, give me your input on this... it's only part one (as you can tell). I had a really twisted idea where it's a Y2k sort of affair and the world as we know it collapses, so all these rich suburbanites start hiring the homeless/hobos from the city to help protect their homes and stocked up supplies from the neighbors, but end up fighting each other once supplies start to run low... Juts read the story, it's weird.

Will Fight For Food

Another flaming roll of TP topples through the window and the sweet echo of silence comes to an end.
“Get your asses on that window, make sure nobody comes through!” our employer barks at us.
It is evident that they are going to try to break our defenses again. We grab whatever we find throughout the battered house as our tattered army stacks up along the eastern wall to repel the impending invasion.
I take a quick look around. I’m crouching in the game room, at least what used to be the game room, with a pool stick as my only defense. I know it’s not my time to die; maybe one of these other unfortunate bastards will die tonight, but Death won’t take me.
My eyes continue darting around the room, surveying the others for weakness, deciding who will buy the farm this time around.
“I got a whole loaf sayin’ that Rufus over there don’t make it,” I shout out for the whole crew to hear. Rufus is, after all, the new guy, and in my time I have always known that to be the surest sign of a deader.
“I’ll take that bet!’ I hear a familiar voice calling out from another room.
“What the ****?” Rufus asks.
I shouldn’t have said that, but it’s too late to take it back now, and maybe I can stand to profit off his unfortunate demise. “No hard feelings?” I start to ask, but before Rufus can acknowledge my apology his severed head comes rolling back towards me. The defense of the Smith Family Stronghold has begun.

October 28th, 2004, 06:52 PM
Its got me wanting to read more.

October 28th, 2004, 07:10 PM
Can't say I like that bit.

To me it needs to be 3rd person narrative ( I think thats where you dont use 'I').

It has a realistic storyline, lol.