Prologue Again

[SubZero61992]

If you think I should just post this in previous threads then tell me. By the way, I decided to try out my old idea where Genjo was a bad person.

Prologue


" This gold is mine! I found it!" shouted Genjo. The gang he worked with had surrounded him, greed was rising in them. Genjo suddenly felt afraid, and his scarred face drew down with a frown. His blue eyes darted to everyone around him. There was Jacen, the leader of the gang coming towards him from behind the others.
They all had evil and wicked grins. Then as if commanded they drew out their swords. " Stop!" Jacen called. The gang stepped away from Genjo and sheathed their swords. Jacen walked and got face to face with Genjo. Genjo could smell his rotten breath and for the first time thought about his own. His eyes dared not look at Jacen so he focused on the cave surrounding him. " Give me the gold!" Jacen said in a low, scartchy voice. Genjo now looked at him and seen Jacen's ugly face, rotten teeth and blood shot eyes. Genjo was overwhelmed by greed. He shook his head. Jacen then put his mouth to Genjo's ear and whispered, " Remember all the times we killed people? Remember the slaughterings? The rape! The cruel and inhumane things!".
Genjo shuddered as Jacen got silent. Then he nodded. " You always will!" Jacen shouted and before Genjo could see or hear anything Jacen had thrusted his dagger into his chest.
" Argh!" he roared. The gold sounded like shattered glass as it hit the floor and the gang took out their swords and beat him with the blunt ends. When Genjo was covered in blood and had many broken bones, Jacen commanded them to stop.
" Let him live in pity and ugliness!" he laughed. " Let's go!" and he and the gang stuffed the gold into their pockets and ran. Genjo's eyes rolled around the cave.
He couldn't feel anything. He tried to lift anything but couldn't. Tears began to stream from his eyes and then he looked up and saw massive swelling in his forehead.
The world around him dimmed until it was darkness, and he lost control of his senses.

[Expendable]

First impression - Genjo's nobody I'd want to care about. He's a greedy, stupid small-time thug and as a confessed rapist, isn't even a man and got less than he deserved. Book goes back onto shelf. I go find another book.

You want to make Genjo an anti-hero now? Full of faults? A theif? Running about stealling everything that's not nailed down?

First thing you got to do is to win over your audience so they'd want to read these kinds of stories. So he's a thief but there's something noble about him. He's got his own code. He stands out. There's a reason why he's become a thief.

Have you read any of the Conan stories? That might help you with Genjo.

[SubZero61992]

See, if an un-catchy novel can make it then something like this surely would!
Just kidding, so why would you put this back on the shelf?
It is tempting in the beginning is it not?

In Chapter 1 the audience will read what has happened to him.
The point was to explain how he got to where he is.

If you mean Conan the Destroyer, I have seen one of the movies but what has he got to do with Genjo?

[Expendable]

See, if an un-catchy novel can make it then something like this surely would!
Just kidding, so why would you put this back on the shelf?
It is tempting in the beginning is it not?

No. The prologue starts with him stealing from his partners. Then we've learned he's a rapist and an inhumane killer.

WHAT IS THERE TO LIKE OR RESPECT ABOUT THIS MAN?

Nothing.

So why would I want to read any further?



In Chapter 1 the audience will read what has happened to him.
The point was to explain how he got to where he is.

There's two things the prologue's got to do. It sets the scene for what is to follow. It also helps to sell the book so the reader will want to continue reading. Its the bait on the hook.

Some prologues barely mention the hero, leaving it for chapter one.



If you mean Conan the Destroyer, I have seen one of the movies but what has he got to do with Genjo?


Maybe nothing but it seems Genjo's about to step into that sort of role. And don't watch the movies. Read the books.

[SubZero61992]

If I knew where to get them I might.
Maybe I will buy them some this Christmas or Summer.

[SubZero61992]

So what you are saying is I need to forget this prologue and work on another?

[Expendable]

What I'm saying is for me, the prologue isn't working. This version of Genjo's nobody I'd ever be interested in.

[SubZero61992]

Okay, I am working on a new one right now.

[SubZero61992]

Prologue


" Is it ready?" asked Fangolar.
" Yes master!" said the servant and he opened a black case and inside gleamed a sword with many symbols on it. Fangolar rose from his throne and walked across the dark floors to hold it. His dark eyes widened and an evil grin spread across his face.
He took the sword from the case and held it at chest length. " So I just need to say the spell huh?".
The servant who was wearing a brown cloak nodded.
" Nazarath! Kelphionis! Juzzminthos! Orinakai!" he roared and the sword burst into flames. The blade began to glow as it burned and Fangolar roared with laughter.
" I am invincible!" and with that he shot a look at the servant who crippled up and then swung the sword. The servants body lay sizzling in halves on the ground before him, no blood any where. " Muhahaha!".
He had gained something that the good people had feared. He had gained not only abnormal strength, but the magic sword also offered immortality.

[SubZero61992]

That one is kind of short.
I could put more detail in it.