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Gregorius_H
January 15th, 2005, 04:59 AM
Hi, everyone.

I've posted a few stories in the community section. Most of them are just so-so, but there is one, called Truth and Judgment that I'm really looking for feedback on. It's in pretty rough form at the moment so be as brutal as you deem necessary. I started writing it on a bus trip and finished it the next day. Deals mostly with philosophy, I'd really like some advice with the main character as he seems a bit fake at the moment.

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/177p0.html

Thanks in advance!

ironchef texmex
January 16th, 2005, 01:12 PM
Hi, everyone.

I've posted a few stories in the community section. Most of them are just so-so, but there is one, called Truth and Judgment that I'm really looking for feedback on. It's in pretty rough form at the moment so be as brutal as you deem necessary. I started writing it on a bus trip and finished it the next day. Deals mostly with philosophy, I'd really like some advice with the main character as he seems a bit fake at the moment.

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/177p0.html

Thanks in advance!



Welcome to the site, Greg. You write well. A couple of trifles (removing the and from the third sentence and changing the last punctuation mark of the story) but overall a very smooth read. Now, about that main character...

Let's see, what do we know about him? We know his name, we know he's dead, we know he's a deep thoughts kind of guy, he's married.... That's really not much to go on. Everyone has a name, everyone dies, most get married, plenty think of themselves as deep thinkers. Your main character could be almost anyone and that's not surprising considering context. The full extent of his actions are to 1) notice his surroundings, 2) talk to a supposed diety, 3) make a decision.

What you have at the moment is not truly a 'story'. It's a polemic, a debate written out in narrative form. If that's what you're trying to do then I don't see why the reader needs a more fully fleshed out character. All the character needs to do in a polemic is state his side of the debate. Your character does that. If, however, what you're trying to do is draw readers into a piece of fiction, while at the same time making them think, well, then we've got problems.

What does your main character want out of life, or... uh, afterlife? What is his history? What kind of mannerisms does he have? What does he look like? Is he even corporial? The reader knows none of this, and therefore has nothing with which to identify the character. Think about anyone that you know. Imagine describing them to someone else. What identifies them? How are they different from everyone else? Write that into the body of a story and you have "fleshed out" a character. Now, whether or not you want to do that, or let it remain a polemic, is up to you.

Gregorius_H
January 16th, 2005, 04:16 PM
Thanks for the help. I'm going to have to go back and take another look at that story now, try and decide what I want it to be.

Expendable
January 17th, 2005, 12:06 AM
The guy doesn't change. He's only interested in not being tricked. Its only as he's being sent back that he begins to doubt himself. But he's not sure.

I think this might be a good begining for a longer story.

But that's just my opinion.