PDA

View Full Version : finally submitted a short story feedback appreciated


SFFWorld.com
Home - Discussion Forums - News - Reviews - Interviews

New reviews, interviews and news

New in the Discussion Forum


Pages : [1] 2

bir
January 8th, 2001, 02:46 PM
This is my first story and my first time to submit here I would please like a feedback on Words of a Dragon
It's not really fantasy so it may be a disappointment to some but I just wanted to try get a few feedbacks
TNX

wynnyelle
January 9th, 2001, 11:20 AM
As soon as I saw a new dragon story on the list I had to click it, I love dragons. What I liked about this story was that it said what it needed to say to be understood. You presented the story in a simple and straightforward style, explaining things as needed, and I was able to read it straight through without puzzling over things or having to reread parts or just coming out of the reading experience confused. Good beginning, middle and end.

You said you wanted feedback, so I'll do my best here. (Spoilers here for anyone who hasn't read it!)

When the boy ran out of the house, a part of my brain wanted to know why his parents didn't take off after him, grab him and try to calm him down, especially his mother who would probably want to talk to him about what he'd just overheard. The story does state that they went looking for him, but why wait till he's out of sight? Especially when there are so many dangerous cliffs around.
Other than that, not much to object to. You might have wanted to write out the dialogue when the boy tells his parents about the dragon and his father tells him to go to his room. It's a powerful part of the story and an excellent point for characterization, especially of the parents.

bir
January 10th, 2001, 12:59 AM
hi
tnx for ur reply i could imagine ur disappointment when there was not much about the dragons
Tnx for ur feedback
I guess it's right and I took note of it but I dont plan on revising it since I changed it a lot already
This is my first short story and its really short hehe
the first draft I had was 1100 words only
sigh
Well I really appreciated ur comments
tnx!!!

bir
January 15th, 2001, 06:52 PM
any1 else? pls
was d story too predictable?
I know its short =)

KATS
January 16th, 2001, 02:12 AM
Bir, what is the point of giving you feedback if you have no intention of revising the story? And what does the fact that youíve already made a lot of changes have to do with further revisions? Unless you are giving up on the story?

wynnyelle
January 16th, 2001, 03:10 PM
Nah, I wasn't disappointed, dragons aren't the only reason I read stories! You know you could really improve your story with only a little bit of changing! Then again if you've changed your mind about working on it, I guess our feedback can give you a better start on your next writing project, so you know what to work on.

bir
January 17th, 2001, 11:40 PM
actually what wynnyelle said
does it mean that when an author publishes a book he cant get anymore feedback?
he cant change the book anymore unless he decides to revise it

KATS
January 18th, 2001, 07:09 AM
Bir, I guess I just donít understand how you can say that you refuse to make any changes because youíve already made a lot of changes. I donít understand how you can see how your story can be improved and agree that those changes will make the story better, yet refuse to put forth the effort. It makes me wonder how seriously you take writing. And that makes me reluctant to give any "feedback". As an artist I strive to make my work the very best it can be. If that means revising a story a hundred times, then so be it. If you want to archive your story, so be it, but why post it if that was your intention?

Quite honestly, I didnít like your response to Wynnyelleís suggestions. It sounded like you dismissed the suggestions completely. Perhaps you were expecting nothing but praise? Perhaps I misread your tone? Your posts here have been rather cryptic so I imagine Iím just missing your intention. At any rate, good luck with your future stories.

bir
January 18th, 2001, 03:46 PM
look im 16? how serious do u want me to be?
i actually loved wynnyelle suggestion
i wanted to make the story as realistic as possible so when wynnyelle asked y didnt the parents stop d boy? i asked myself too y didnt they?
and about writing a dialogue when the parents got mad that was better than the first suggestion
I owe u a lot wynnyelle
thanx for commenting
look im sorry if u felt whatever u felt but i dont think u hav the right to judge me
this is the first short story i wrote and must have revised it a hundred times already
u should hav seen my first draft
u really discourage me on writing u know that i hope u never post this thread again u know how happy i feel when i see an email that somebody posted on this thread and to see a bad criticism which is not even true and related to the STORY!!!!!!!
im sorry if im not as good as a writer and will never be as good as u just wanted to know u make me sick
well u won u can really give feedbacks on ppl who just started to write i hope u give better feedbacks to other ppl
!!!!

Umesha Chalanie
January 18th, 2001, 09:29 PM
Guys, look, everyone has different ideas and views on everything...some people are more relaxed and laid back, while others are more uptight and organised. Just relax; one person's way of writing might not (probably not) work for another. Advice is good, but it is up to the person themselves to decide to take it or leave it. And making the advice insults totally defeats the purpose of them in the first place.

And sorry, sorry, SORRY if I make anymore enemies in here already (I've got enough already!), so please don't take any offense or anything.

(Sorry.)