[Erebus]

No problem, Lior,

It's my pleasure to help, especially as others took the time to help me when I was first starting out. It's great to be able to pass on a little of what I was taught to others. After all, isn't that what these sites are all about? As I said, my comments are not meant as crticism, merely as an offer of help to improve your prose. I will indeed further this with you via email, as promised, and I sincerely hope my suggestions will be helpful.

Regards, Neil

[This message has been edited by erebus (edited March 05, 2001).]

[Erebus]

Hi Lior, as promised, the file has been reviewed and sent back - twice. (I had to fix up some glitches that I had made.) Sorry!

Anyway, hope they get through the email to you okay and that my suggestions etc. are helpful.

Looking forward to your thoughts,

regards, Neil.

[lior]

Hi neil, I received your email a few hours ago, and as soon as I'll finish going through it i'll get back to you. I read it but didn't compare it yet to my manuscript.

thanks for your help,
lior.

[Gotenks_32288]

Good story lior. I am going to tell you a little constructive critisim. I don't know if it's cause I am not feeling great today or if this pertains to everyone, but I kinda got lost in a few spots. I'm pretty sure that it's because of the fact that I'm tired and don't feel good, but you never know and I really enjoy your style of writing.

Also read my topic, How long does it take to get your story up on sffworld? Or something like that!

-Gotenks

[lior]

Thanks,Gotenks, I'm working all the time on improving the story with the help of feedbacks like these. could you tell me more in length where you got lost?

[Erebus]

Hi Lior,

Glad you got something from my suggestions and editing, and I really hopes it helps you on some level!

My short story should be up next week, (Ghost of Elysium) but the synopsis and extract for my first published novel, "Reflections" has now been posted! (If you downloaded the PDF file from my site, Lior, then you've already seen this!) I've started a separate topic for some feedback on this, but I'm still waiting for a response. It's a few pages to read so it may take some time before I do! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Cheers, Neil

[Gotenks_32288]

-Lior

I read the story again and I found that I didn't get lost. Being who I am I only paid attention to how close I was to the conclusion, but I found that aroun pages 14-19 I still got lost. I think it's because of what's happening at that time in the story.

-Gotenks