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February 19th, 2001, 02:36 AM
Hi everyone,

My short story Day Dream has been submitted to the workshop, and I would appreciate feedback and opinions on the story. If you have one up as well, I will get to it and read it.

Thanks, and best Regards,


February 21st, 2001, 08:05 AM
Well, since no one else is chiming in I guess I will. I thought it was a great improvement over The Last Mage. I assume that this story is NOT a short story. Especially since there didnít seem to be an ending and you specified the chapters. The only real problem I have with it is a small one. Your main character is eight years old. That seems awful young for the things he was doing and his attitude. Children can grow up fast if the situation requires it, but still. I could swear that there was a study or something about why we teach material at certain ages. In other words there is a reason we donít teach physics to grade school kids. But honestly this is just me being picky. Iíve read stories and seen shows where kids are doing unrealistic things.

I saw a documentary recently you might be interested in. It was about WWII, specifically the propaganda Germany used on the school children before and during the war. It seemed to me that was the direction you were going with this story, though I could be wrong.

PS One of these days Iíll actually get around to putting one of my stories up. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

February 23rd, 2001, 10:19 AM
yeah kats...i've been reading your advice on these boards for some time now and by the look of it you know what you're doing. I'd like to get a chance to read your stuff.

February 24th, 2001, 01:21 AM
Hi Aaron, I read your story (well actually the beginning of one as I understand) So it can't be judged as one with a closure, It has an intresting premise and intriguing setting, it reminded me a little of "Ender's game", were you influenced by this book? now, it seems that the 8 year old protagonist is quite articulate and too smart for his age, but I don't know, maybe there is a good explanation for that ahead in the story, your writing technique and syntax are good, though.

February 24th, 2001, 04:45 PM
Thanks everyone for reading the story and taking time to give me comments. I appreciate it, and onve again, if you have any submissions up I will be more than happy to look at them.

March 4th, 2001, 06:11 AM
Small question:
Where do you find the workshop? :0)


March 4th, 2001, 04:42 PM
The workshop is a science fiction and fantasy one that I'm on. It's address is http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com .

It's very good, and I recommend it highly.

March 6th, 2001, 10:43 PM

Thanks :0)


March 7th, 2001, 01:45 AM
the site seems to have been changed to this link: http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/

how much does it cost to stay joined up once they give you the free ride? I like the way it's organized to encourage help from other writers in exchange for help with your own writing.

I'm a newbie here, so please somebody clue me in about how to find people's stories that may be posted here if their user names are different. duh, I feel like I should know this already... I've got mine posted here under "other" in short stories, 3/2/2001

franis e

March 7th, 2001, 04:09 PM
The name was changed just after I posted that reply, so that's why it changed. Sorry.

You can find the short stories by the navigation butons on the left of your screen as you enter the home page. Look for short stories and then the rest will be self-explanatory.

What's the name of your story so I can read it?