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Rocket Sheep
January 27th, 2005, 01:10 AM
The challenge: To write a story so bad that a vanity press company wouldn't publish it.

Result: Impossible.

Read all about it (http://critters.critique.org/sting/)

Holbrook
January 27th, 2005, 02:22 AM
What? lol.....

Rocket Sheep
January 27th, 2005, 02:57 AM
Don't laugh, it has enviable lines like:

"Pain. Pain. Pain.
Need pee..."

And,

"The tits bounced like Aunt Alice's moulded jello..."

And,

"... the luminous light of the Ptolemies World Classic omnidirectional task light..."

Not to mention all the intentional spelling and tense errors.

Who wouldn't snap it up?

Holbrook
January 27th, 2005, 03:18 AM
Don't laugh, it has enviable lines like:

"Pain. Pain. Pain.
Need pee..."

And,

"The tits bounced like Aunt Alice's moulded jello..."

And,

"... the luminous light of the Ptolemies World Classic omnidirectional task light..."

Not to mention all the intentional spelling and tense errors.

Who wouldn't snap it up?

Now come on Sheepie admit you have read such stuff before on Crit groups. I know I have ;)

Upper reaches do bounce, often hitting you in the eye when you reach older age....:eek:

And it might be a bestseller.... who knows....I don't that's for sure.

mistri
January 27th, 2005, 08:31 AM
I've actually ordered a print copy from lulu.com. I think it's so bad it's hilarious. :)

Richardb
January 27th, 2005, 12:38 PM
The first page was hillarious!
Can't shock anyone that the large POD companies (Xlibris, Publish America, etc) don't even read submissions. They are not in the book selling business, but the book publishing business. They make their money on the publishing itself.
But, if a person wants a service, a business will rise up and offer it. No harm, no foul. Frankly, the only sad thing is that it tends to create the belief of linkage between POD and Vanity Press. The first is a way to do very small print runs relatively economically, the second is a practice of printing whatever someone pays you to do.
I believe that POD plays an important role in independant and up and coming publishing, as long as the goal is to sell books, not take money to vanity publish...
Anyhow, it like that Hung guy on American Idol who made a lot of money be being so unbellievably bad at singing 'She Bang'. Sometimes, bad is good...

Rocket Sheep
January 27th, 2005, 10:15 PM
Speaking of being sooooo bad people are buying it. Have you seen this review of Night Travels of the Elven Empire (http://www.livejournal.com/users/crevette/113659.html)?

Particularly bad is what the cover has done to poor Olando Bloom. I doubt he even knows he is some poor delusional person's fantasy... no, hang on... he probably knows that... it is that she put it in a book and put his photo on the cover he probably doesn't know about.

MrBF1V3
January 28th, 2005, 12:28 AM
LOL--The quotes in the review were outrageous. I do so love the eight foot tall glowing red eyeballs. I have been involved in the thread in collaborations where we are trying to write bad (just for fun), and I stand it awe. I find it hard to believe anyone would publish something like that without at least mentioning, "Hey, spelled wrong." Or something. It would give you a reputation for publishing terrible books, and people who knew that wouldn't buy. It's not smart business.

And I just found a new source of ideas ;) . (Feel free to visit the "Fan Tessie and Zion's Friction thread).

B5

Gregorius_H
January 28th, 2005, 12:51 AM
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

I'm sorry... it's just that... just that...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

So bad....

hahhahahahahahahahahaha.

Seriously, you have to wonder sometimes if some of these publishers are even worthy enough to live. Wait... was that serious? I don't know...

Rocket Sheep
February 2nd, 2005, 01:14 AM
Just another take on the same story JM Scalzi Blog (http://journals.aol.com/johnmscalzi/bytheway/entries/3500)