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rune
March 20th, 2001, 07:46 AM
HI All

I have just noticed my story as just been posted. Its called A Strange Adventure.
I wouldnt mind some feed back please, as i was thinking of writing a sequel and had noticed what great talented writers are using this site.

Kind Regards

rune

KATS
March 21st, 2001, 08:55 AM
I read your story and found it to be quite promising. I certainly don’t intend for this to sound harsh so please take my critique as a sincere objective observation of the story. There were numerous clerical errors. Nothing wrong in that, we all make mistakes and tend to overlook them when editing. However, an editor would probably have rejected it before finishing the first page based strictly on the errors, which sucks I know (from personal experience).

As to the story itself, it was a fun read. Not completely unexpected nor completely original, but basically well written (aside from the errors of course). You have a nice style of writing. Easy to read and follow. The story doesn’t seem to have a lot of depth, but that not bad, just an observation. I suppose it depends on what your intention is for the story. Do you want it to be a volume of deep rich characters and customs like Jordan? Or do you want it to be a fun light evening read like McCaffrey?

I think most of the people who post here are officially amateurs, myself included. We’ve just been writing for a long time and we’ve learned a thing or two. You may already know these hints, but then again, you may not . . .

Learning how to edit one’s own work is hard and never ending. The problem is that we have created this story and are intimately familiar with all aspects of the story and the reader is not. Sometimes our brains just don’t see what is painfully obvious to the reader. For instance, I often type “he” instead of “the”. When I read the sentence it is hard for me to catch. My brain knows that it should read “the” so that’s what it sees. I have to pay close attention when editing.

A trick I learned about a long time ago is to set the story aside for a week or two, then read it. This usually gives you a fresher view of the story and hopefully you can see the errors easier. You can also try reading the story aloud. This works best for narrative, but I’ve found that it can help with the body of the story as well.

Bardos
March 21st, 2001, 09:33 AM
Yep, I agree with the last. I do the same, more or less. After writing a chapter, I edit it, when 2-3 hours (or more!) pass. Then, when I have finished my story (all the chapters) I start editing again, from chapter #1, which of course, after 500+ pages, I don't remember at all. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif

But I, also, have learned something from my writing experience till now: a writers work's never done. A hundred times you edit a book, a hundred times more you can edit it again, believe me.
Sometimes, I change a sentence, thinking that what I wrote before was badly writen. Then, after a time, I go back to that sentence and change it again to its original form! Ain't that weird?... http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

rune
March 22nd, 2001, 06:30 AM
Thanks KAT you give me some good advice there. I am a beggar for fingers trying to keep up with my brain.

I did intend it to be a fun story, nothing too indepth so i am pleased that it achieved that.

One question: Is it worth going into lots of depth for characters.

KATS
March 22nd, 2001, 06:38 AM
My opinion is that it is a personal decision. Each writer has their own preferences depending on the story and what you want to achieve with the story. I'm very detail oriented, so my characters tend to have full backgrounds. HOWEVER I rarely mention even half of that background. I create the backgrounds because I enjoy it and because it helps me figure out what & why that character is doing what they are doing. Sometimes 90% of the background is irrelevant to the actual story, so it doesn't get mentioned. Does that make any sense? (If it doesn't make sense, I have a good excuse. I'm headign out the door to the dentist so I'm not exactly thinking straight. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif )

Bardos
March 22nd, 2001, 09:14 AM
Hmm...
I like character information, when its needed. I'll tell you what I mean later, after I have told what I think is important for every character in a story: Motive. Everyone must have a motive for what they do. Even a small and simple one, such as: "Seekin' adventure n' glory". (For a mercenary, or adventurer, just what you need!) The writer must make the motive obvious to us, either in the beggining of the story, either in the middle, or in the end. But somewhere in the story, the motive must become obvious (exception: if the writer deliberatly wants to hide the motive of a mysterious chatacter).
Now I promised to tell something. I usually start with the information needed about the world and the characters. Then, as I go, I discover/create (and I think its more discovering than creating!) more about the characters and the world. E.g., I think: Does this guy has a brother? Where do his relativies leave? Why didn't they appear in the 100 previous pages? (The truth about the last is that I didn't give any notice to them, but there surely will be a resonable explanation to feel the gap. So I dig in the past and discover what has happened. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif) How did he reach to that important position? (It's easy to make kings and queens, but how did they get there? Blood-line? Assassination? War? Usurper? What?)
Anyway, about the story I write right now, I have about 50 A4 pages of notes, about character background, kingdom and world history, geneological trees, organizations, guilds, etc etc...
Its all about discovering what is there! Just think logicaly (If this is true, then that can happen, or that, but the first is more likely, because....). http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Erebus
March 22nd, 2001, 04:55 PM
Hi Rune,

Great story premise, but where are the commas? http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

I really liked the tale, Rune, but it does need a little spit and polish, especially with the spelling and grammar errors etc. that Kats has already mentioned. I found that many commas were missing; words were used in the wrong tense, and some of the dialogue was a little clumsy. However, as I said, I did like the story, especially the animals that used to be people - perhaps this idea can be developed further, maybe in the sequel?

Please don't be disheartened by our comments. You have a good style that will develop with a little more revision and a lot of re-reads; something I hate myself but is a very necessary evil, I'm afraid!

Keep up the good work, and remember the commas!

Cheers,

Neil