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Will_Antilles
May 4th, 2001, 06:26 PM
Hi All

I am back after a long absence but I have returned with a new story for all to read. If anyone could read it and tell me what you think honesty is what I seek. Also i will be posting a new story soon in the next update hopefully. Thanks all and keep writing.

Will

p.s. If there anyone who needs something read let me know I won't include spoilers this time http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

lior
May 4th, 2001, 10:38 PM
Will, it's obvious you have a vivid imagination, and your story was really nice, but I have to say I found it a bit confusing, you switch tenses, perspectives and time periods without "warning", and it causes a distraction.
I would also highly recommend you use
paragraphs, it will make your stories look much better, and be more readable.