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Gotenks_32288
May 4th, 2001, 12:55 PM
I just got a new short story posted up here. It's called Excelios and it's only a page long. It was a project inb school which was accalimaed by the teachers so check it out.

Metosblat
May 4th, 2001, 05:03 PM
What name is it under?

Erebus
May 4th, 2001, 05:13 PM
I've just read this one, and it did bring a wry smile to my face. Nevertheless, it's an interesting spin on the old temptation chestnut.

If I may be so bold, could I suggest that you remember about "its" and "it's" - something that I have had burned into my brain over the years. You only need the apostrophe when you're saying "it is"! Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Neil

KATS
May 4th, 2001, 06:10 PM
You said this story was for an assignment, highschool or college?

I must say you show a great deal of promise. Though I agree that the story itself needs some work. But to be honest, the type of work it needs is experience. By that I mean that as you grow as an author you learn and gain experience. That is what the story lacks, polish, or fine tuning.

Or it could be that there was a deadline and a word limit and you had to chop the end of the story. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

lior
May 4th, 2001, 10:42 PM
I thought your story was quite good!
The ending was really amusing in a sort of way.
however,I really think that a few more pages would have made it even better.

Gotenks_32288
May 5th, 2001, 02:38 AM
Thank you for all your comments. There wasn't a word limit, but a time limit. We had 45 minutes to write it. I had to get my prewriting notes done, my rough draft, and final copy. I know about the its and it's and I try as hard as I can to solve that problem I have in getting them mixed up. Last, but not least I'm only 14 and am just beginning to write stories so if my stories sound juvenile then that's why.

This is Chris Henderson signing off.

KATS
May 5th, 2001, 04:32 AM
I don’t think it sounded “juvenile” at all. When I look back over my own stories from when I first started writing, I see a lot of the same things as in your story. I hesitate to call it mistakes, just inexperience. You seem to have a lot of talent. I hope you keep writing. And don’t let those English / literature teachers (or anyone for that matter) discourage you.

Bardos
May 5th, 2001, 05:05 AM
Yep, let no-one discourage you. You write fro thyself, in the bottom line! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Btw, Kats, have you posted any stories here, in sffworld?

KATS
May 5th, 2001, 01:10 PM
Bardos: No, I don’t. I only have one story that I feel is “finished”. If I can’t find a market for it, then I’ll submit it here. But I’d like to at least try to get published first.

Gotenks_32288
May 6th, 2001, 02:45 AM
My goal is not to have anyone discourage me. The only reason I write is because it is a fun hobby I have. Who knows? One day I might do it full time, but for now I write for fun.