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ddavis
March 6th, 2005, 03:07 PM
In my detective/mystery fiction class, we were required to write a mystery story with some criteria, but everything else was 'up to the imagination'. Well I think I have taken mine a step too far. It is out of control. Here, read the 'editor's note' I threw in:

Editorís Note:

The following story never happened. Should never happen. WILL never happen. It exceeds beyond all that is realistic and sane. Like a nightmare that just wonít end. Itís weird. Itís crazy. Itís perverted. Itís disturbing. Itís offensive. Itís definitely not funny. And ultimately, it doesnít make much sense. By the time you have completed the story, you will wish you could have gained back all the lost time. And a lot of time that is. Because not only is this story perhaps the worst mystery ever conceived, itís long. Much longer than it should be. And this editorís note isnít helping that, I know. So readers beware, for after your eyes have completed screening across the pages, you may never read another book again. I wish the best of luck to you all.

Because now it begins, with the god-awful title:


Derrick Davis Presents

The Egg Thief

And then the story begins, with one random event after the next, with dialogue so wierd, with so many forced jokes, it may make you sick. Its a shame that most of you reading this will not be around when I read the story to the class (using an array of accents), but I have taken the liberty of uploading it online here:

http://diehard.ath.cx/~scallenger/The%20Egg%20Thief.htm

Post comments here about what you thought of it! Remember, this is not meant to be taken seriously even as a piece of work. Its meant to be fun. Enjoy it. :)

Wildeblood
March 6th, 2005, 07:03 PM
It's written in the first person by someone claiming to be a Londoner. So how come "honor" and "humor"?

That's as far as I got. Even if you're writing nonsense, there is no excuse for speling mistakes.

ddavis
March 6th, 2005, 07:55 PM
Funny, you just spelt "spelling" wrong...

And like I said, this is for a class I just wrote. I haven't even proof-read it yet.

Expendable
March 6th, 2005, 11:11 PM
I remember this exercise.

Cute story. Totally implausable but cute. Should get you a "B".

MrBF1V3
March 7th, 2005, 12:02 AM
And like I said, this is for a class I just wrote. I haven't even proof-read it yet.



Um . . . you wrote a class?

Take my advice on a dark and stormy night. Always proof-read before you let anyone else read.
B5

skwirlinator
March 7th, 2005, 01:16 AM
Hey sometimes proof-reading doesnt even help I have written some stuff I wish I'd never read!

Jacquin
March 7th, 2005, 02:11 AM
It's written in the first person by someone claiming to be a Londoner. So how come "honor" and "humor"?

That's as far as I got. Even if you're writing nonsense, there is no excuse for speling mistakes.

Wildeblood, can I draw your attention to the Announcement entitled "Welcome to the writing forum - PLEASE READ"

Either you haven't read it, or you feel that somehow it doesn't apply to you. If the former, then please read it and take it on board. It the latter, you are wrong, it does indeed apply to you, none of it more than point 1.

J

Zanzibar
March 7th, 2005, 11:34 AM
Aside from a few errors in grammar and punctuation, this story is very well written, though I think you built it up too much in your Editor’s Note. I’ve read things that were much more weird, crazy, perverted, disturbed, and offensive, and, contrary to its oddness, it makes rather a lot of sense. Anyway, I agree with Expendable and say it should fetch at least a B.

(Why is it that evil geniuses always leave incriminating journals lying around for any half-wit to pick up?)

Expendable
March 7th, 2005, 03:05 PM
(Why is it that evil geniuses always leave incriminating journals lying around for any half-wit to pick up?)

(because all evil genuses want to be understood. They want or really crave an audience. They want someone to tell them how clever they are.)

Holbrook
March 7th, 2005, 03:46 PM
(because all evil genuses want to be understood. They want or really crave an audience. They want someone to tell them how clever they are.)

Or the writer has read too many comic books in their youth and believe that is the way you have to do it....;)