[enazwo]

I have been visiting this site for some time and I have enjoyed everything about this place. I even mustard up the courage to submit a short story "Fault? Not Mine!".

After reading nearly everything on this site I have learned so much and realized a few things I only suspected before.

My story is a very heavy allegory that falls into a category of "not marketable". Though I have recieved no feedback on the story, I suspected that it was very heavy, very dark and most likely not palatable for most.

I think that is an important realization, that I would not have come to if not for all the great insights I have read at this site.

It is like when I have written music. You can write a song that is progressive and interesting to other musicians, but does not mean your song will find the general populace interested. I guess there has to be some common ground between marketability and sophistication. But how does one find that? And so I have heard "creativity does not take place in vacuum" and so I have joined this place to share and learn.

[Erebus]

Welcome, enazwo!

I read your post a couple of times to make sure I understood its intent. Hey, don't be so quick to write-off your much-labored-over creativity. I've not had time to read your story yet, but I will, and no doubt post my thoughts and comments here at a later date.

Sure, not everyone will like what you write, but that doesn't mean it's bad! Just remember, Carrie by Stephen King was rejected dozen of times and he actually thew it away. Luckily for him (and us) his wife rescued it, and...well the rest is history!

Be patient, and if suggestions are made, don't take it as criticism but as a learning experience! Afterall, that's what we're all here for: to read, exchange ideas, help and learn; but above all, to enjoy the experience of our time here!

Keep on writing, enazwo - I'll get back to you soon! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

[Bardos]

Yep --I absolutely agree with Erebus.

[Erebus]

Hello again, enazwo,

I have just finished reading your piece, Fault? Not Mine!, and what a piece it is!

Right off, I have to say that there is an obvious talent lurking amongst the myriad of adjectives that flood your tale. If nothing else, it demonstrates the scope of your extensive vocabulary!

And, as a piece of creative writing it certainly satifies requisite orginality, but, I couldn't help but think that it was a little repetitive and drawn out in parts. While your prose is undeniably eloquent, in my opinion, the extensive use of multiple adjectives was just a little over-descriptive and would probably have had a more dramatic effect had you used them less frequently! I was also left wondering if perhaps the overall story lacked a little direction. While it's certainly a very dark piece, I think that perhaps a more satisfactory, and less cryptic, climax would have improved the story greatly.

From a technical point of view, I would suggest a check of your use and placement of my very good friend, the comma, and also have a look at grammatical items, such as your use of "could of" where I'm sure you must mean "could have", and little things like "who's" when your really mean "whose".

These are things that you will pick up with countless re-reads and perhaps some third-party copy editing, but, left unchecked, will result in a blue line across your manuscript from an overworked editor! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Contrary to what you said in your post, enazwo, I did enjoy reading your piece. But, as with anything, it needs a little spit and polish and, remember, when it comes to adjectives, sometimes less is actually more!

Regards,

Neil www.wn.com.au/clubclad/erebus/ (http://www.wn.com.au/clubclad/erebus/)


[This message has been edited by erebus (edited July 06, 2001).]

[enazwo]

Thanks so much erebus for your response. Your advice is much appreciated.

As you surmised I did not have anyone to edit for me and the lack of objective criticism in the areas you pointed out are,in retrospect, glaring weaknesses.

The cryptic ending is in tune with my intentional lack of points of reference. I wanted to the reader to think and wonder what is the real meaning to the story.

I sincerely appreciate the time you took to read my story, and your thoughful insight.

Also you have a hint of some experience in diplomacy as your observations were delivered with an easy hand.

enazwo

[Erebus]

Glad to have been of help, enazwo!

I really hope you do an edit/re-write of the tale. If you do, be sure to send it to me as I'd love to read it again!

Yes, I'm a great believer in diplomacy and I'm glad that this has been evident in my response to you. Objectivity is always better than cruelty, at least in my opinion it is!

[lior]

Hello enzawo, a few comments on your story, and I'll start by saying you write with great talent, but I Think you need to hone it.
I have to admit I got lost in your story. it started out intrestingly enough, very misterious, but a lot of long winded sentences and heavy description bogged it down. however, things picked up a pace in the last act, it was suspensful. but the ending left me wanting for more, a lot more.
Overall, your vocabulary and general style are fantastic, but I think the story had to be shorter and more cohesive, more user friendly.
I don't believe a writer should explain in full detail every message or allegory in the piece, but the other extremety isn't so good either, there is a moddle road, somewhere.
I know it's hard to write a story which takes place almost solely inside someone's head, it's an acquired technique, which even pro writers have difficulties with.

Anyway, your'e talented, so keep at it, and what's the saying? practice makes perfect...

[This message has been edited by lior (edited July 06, 2001).]

[enazwo]

lior sir.
First off, thank you for investing you time in reading my story. Second, I sincerely appreciate you perspective.

You apparently, like erebus, was able to glean a deeper meaning to my story, and therefore your insight is especially valuable to me.

When I "hone" it down, my story will never reach an audience with an average intellect. So it moved me very deeply, on an artist's level, that you, and others, have taken the time to read my story and devote your thought to it. Then you took the time to communicate to me a very keen and helpful opinion.

thanks so much lior
Good Day to you
enazwo