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How much description is enough?
Posted November 1st, 2009 at 02:40 PM by feitelberg
I recently have an interesting lesson on how much description is enough.
My writing group reviewed the first chapter of my novel. One of the reviewers suggested that I start with the dialog I had, skipping all the description I had written to set the scene.
I then posted the first in several places on the web and got the same reaction. Given this, I decided there was something to these comments so I revised the first three paragraphs and reposted the chapter.
Suddenly I started getting much more positive reactions. I began to wonder why. I went back to several books on creative writing and re-read passages I had forgotten about.
These books confirm that description must be necessary and essential to the story if included. The general feeling of my readers is a vivid scene description that starts a chapter is not essential, particularly since it contains no action and contributes little to the overall action or plot of the story.
For those who want a concrete example of what I'm talking about, here's the before and after versions of the text I've been talking about.
Before:
A streak of small round clouds arced high across the bright blue sky looking like a ribbon of uneven swabs that had been painted against the azure firmament. Along the edge of the ribbon, each nimbus was tapered like delicate silver feathers, giving them a vague frayed appearance. Beneath the clouds, tall brown grass stretched for miles in all directions. A light breeze barely moved anything in the sky but stirred the stalks of grass, causing them to sway gently.
Nestled in the grass were slabs of granite and white marble with gray veins. Once part of a city, the stone lay crumbled all around, buried in the prairie like a hidden monument to the devas-tation of an old metropolis. A dirt road ran through the middle of the city ruins, blocked by a hunk of granite or a wedge of marble at random spots along the way.
Near noontime, the calm was replaced by a slow rumble. The noise began to build, sounding like thunder and scaring some nearby birds out of their nests. A column of sand became visible along the road as if a dust storm was lumbering westward.
The thunder stopped suddenly, while the cloud of grit and dirt intensified and approached the ruins. Then the dust cloud dissi-pated leaving only a ring of silence and settling motes to descend upon the area. Evan Pierce and his host of a hundred reined in their horses. Evan, a priest of the Order of St. Michael and a demon hunter, surveyed the broken road that lay ahead. The fifty swords-men and fifty archers with him were knights of the Order; they sat awaiting his commands, their breastplates of polished metal em-blazoned with silver swords gleaming in the sun.
After:
A dirt road ran through the middle of a grassy field. Nestled in the grass were slabs of granite and white marble with gray veins. One part of a city, the stone lay crumbled all around, buried in the prairie like a hidden monument to the devastation of an old metropolis.
To the west, the road was blocked by a hunk of granite or a wedge of marble at random spots along the way. To the east, the road was clear, made mostly of gravel.
A slow rumble began out of the east, sounding like thunder and scaring some nearby birds out of their nests. A column of sand became visible along the road as if a dust storm was lumbering westward.
The thunder stopped suddenly, while the cloud of grit and dirt intensified and approached the ruins. Then the dust cloud dissipated leaving only a ring of silence and settling motes to descend upon the area. Evan Pierce and his host of a hundred reined in their horses. Evan, a priest of the Order of St. Michael and a demon hunter, surveyed the broken road that lay ahead. The fifty swordsmen and fifty archers with him were knights of the Order; they sat awaiting his commands, their breastplates of polished metal emblazoned with silver swords gleaming in the sun.
Obviously, I could have revised the first paragraphs in a different way but this approach seems like the most logical to me. I prefer to oriented the reader a little and I'm taking much less time doing that and starting the story in the revised sample.
I welcome other thoughts and comments on this.
My writing group reviewed the first chapter of my novel. One of the reviewers suggested that I start with the dialog I had, skipping all the description I had written to set the scene.
I then posted the first in several places on the web and got the same reaction. Given this, I decided there was something to these comments so I revised the first three paragraphs and reposted the chapter.
Suddenly I started getting much more positive reactions. I began to wonder why. I went back to several books on creative writing and re-read passages I had forgotten about.
These books confirm that description must be necessary and essential to the story if included. The general feeling of my readers is a vivid scene description that starts a chapter is not essential, particularly since it contains no action and contributes little to the overall action or plot of the story.
For those who want a concrete example of what I'm talking about, here's the before and after versions of the text I've been talking about.
Before:
A streak of small round clouds arced high across the bright blue sky looking like a ribbon of uneven swabs that had been painted against the azure firmament. Along the edge of the ribbon, each nimbus was tapered like delicate silver feathers, giving them a vague frayed appearance. Beneath the clouds, tall brown grass stretched for miles in all directions. A light breeze barely moved anything in the sky but stirred the stalks of grass, causing them to sway gently.
Nestled in the grass were slabs of granite and white marble with gray veins. Once part of a city, the stone lay crumbled all around, buried in the prairie like a hidden monument to the devas-tation of an old metropolis. A dirt road ran through the middle of the city ruins, blocked by a hunk of granite or a wedge of marble at random spots along the way.
Near noontime, the calm was replaced by a slow rumble. The noise began to build, sounding like thunder and scaring some nearby birds out of their nests. A column of sand became visible along the road as if a dust storm was lumbering westward.
The thunder stopped suddenly, while the cloud of grit and dirt intensified and approached the ruins. Then the dust cloud dissi-pated leaving only a ring of silence and settling motes to descend upon the area. Evan Pierce and his host of a hundred reined in their horses. Evan, a priest of the Order of St. Michael and a demon hunter, surveyed the broken road that lay ahead. The fifty swords-men and fifty archers with him were knights of the Order; they sat awaiting his commands, their breastplates of polished metal em-blazoned with silver swords gleaming in the sun.
After:
A dirt road ran through the middle of a grassy field. Nestled in the grass were slabs of granite and white marble with gray veins. One part of a city, the stone lay crumbled all around, buried in the prairie like a hidden monument to the devastation of an old metropolis.
To the west, the road was blocked by a hunk of granite or a wedge of marble at random spots along the way. To the east, the road was clear, made mostly of gravel.
A slow rumble began out of the east, sounding like thunder and scaring some nearby birds out of their nests. A column of sand became visible along the road as if a dust storm was lumbering westward.
The thunder stopped suddenly, while the cloud of grit and dirt intensified and approached the ruins. Then the dust cloud dissipated leaving only a ring of silence and settling motes to descend upon the area. Evan Pierce and his host of a hundred reined in their horses. Evan, a priest of the Order of St. Michael and a demon hunter, surveyed the broken road that lay ahead. The fifty swordsmen and fifty archers with him were knights of the Order; they sat awaiting his commands, their breastplates of polished metal emblazoned with silver swords gleaming in the sun.
Obviously, I could have revised the first paragraphs in a different way but this approach seems like the most logical to me. I prefer to oriented the reader a little and I'm taking much less time doing that and starting the story in the revised sample.
I welcome other thoughts and comments on this.
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