http://www.sffworld.com/forums/blog.php?23059-HayleyG en Tue, 21 May 2013 03:06:48 GMT vBulletin 25 http://www.sffworld.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.sffworld.com/forums/blog.php?23059-HayleyG http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5228-My-past-my-shadow Fri, 07 Sep 2012 10:50:21 GMT I took a week off work this week with my fiancee.
Drove up the coast of Sydney, 5 hour drive to see his parents.
Unfortunately I had to pass by these signs which triggered some painful memories from my past.
Sadly it's unavoidable, I do accept it.

Today I was back home and we had to go to my work to do a little shopping.
I was talking with some of my workmates.
One who mentioned I look happy,that I am always happy.
Tonight I thought about what she said.
If she only knew what I have been through.

I wish my life wasn't so complicated.
I wish I had that happy life I appear to have.
I can disguise it very well to so many people.
But behind closed doors I can be a crumbling mess.

My past is my shadow.
So dark it lurks beside me.
Even though I try not to look it always has a way of getting my attention.
There is no escaping my past, my shadow. ]]> HayleyG http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5228-My-past-my-shadow http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5203-Now-and-Then Fri, 17 Aug 2012 13:38:12 GMT I have a dark past that always hangs around. In the shadows, it forever haunts me. I deal with it from time to time when certain situations arise. I always feared it would get in the way of being in a relationship. Luckily for me I found such an amazing man who is more than willing to deal with... I have a dark past that always hangs around.
In the shadows, it forever haunts me.
I deal with it from time to time when certain situations arise.
I always feared it would get in the way of being in a relationship.
Luckily for me I found such an amazing man who is more than willing to deal with it with me.
He is there whenever I need to turn to someone and let my emotions flow.

What happened in my past made me shut down completely.
I became this very shy girl.
It took 24 years for me to be able to live my life and to enjoy it.
I enjoyed life thanks to my man.
He showed me a whole new world.
I know this world can be very scary.

Since I've been with my loving fiancee I've become a changed woman.
I have heard so many people I know tell me since I have been with him they can see a glow in me.
And whenever I am with him I feel like I am glowing.
Although I tell him a lot how he has changed my life he could never really understand just how much he has turned my life around in the best way.

I used to get shy and not want to sing in front of strangers.
I hated the idea of singing in front of people who I don't know.
My fiancee and I are regulars at kareoke.
When I sing songs, I'll sing to my fiancee.
I drown everyone else out.
In those moments it feels like we're the only two people there.

One song I keep playing over and over is All my life by K-ci and JoJo.
It makes me so emotional because I feel as though I have lived that song.
I always prayed for someone just like my fiancee.
It took 24 years to finally find him.
At our wedding I plan to sing that song to my Groom.
I figure if I can sing in front of strangers, singing in front of family and friends is a piece of cake.
And I can't wait until they all witness that special moment. ]]> HayleyG http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5203-Now-and-Then http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5160-Meeting-with-the-minister Tue, 31 Jul 2012 12:28:37 GMT My fiancee and I had to have a meeting with the church minister,as my fiancee has been previously married. The minister needed to find out about his previous marriage to find out if we could get married in a church. That particular church is important to me personally. Not only has my brother... My fiancee and I had to have a meeting with the church minister,as my fiancee has been previously married.
The minister needed to find out about his previous marriage to find out if we could get married in a church.
That particular church is important to me personally.
Not only has my brother been married there.
My parents were married in that church.
Up to my great grand parents.
To me getting married there would mean I am keeping with that tradition .
So the minister had questions he needed to ask.
Once he heard what he needed to know he replied with " I don't see any reason why I can't marry you two."
A huge sigh of relief came upon me.

Later that night that quote from the minister echoed in my head.
I was completely overwhelmed knowing my dream is finally coming true.
Since I was six I wanted to plan my own wedding.
Be with the man of my dreams and live happily ever after...

My life has been anything but a happy one.
The life I have lived, I have questioned too many times about God and his plans.
The things I had to go through, yes it has questioned my faith.
But that night, hearing the ministers words really got to me.
I know it had nothing to do with me personally.
That meeting was about if he feels he can marry my fiancee for a second time.
But it made me feel as though God was answering my prayer through the minister.

That night I was in tears thinking about my past.
Thinking about what I have overcome in my life.
Remembering how I used to feel all alone in this big scary world.
Don't get me wrong I have a close relationship with my parents and siblings.
Yes I know I am not completely alone.
But everyone deals with their issues differently.
I was going through mixed emotions.
Dealing with the way I felt before I met my fiancee to what we have been going through together.

As I was in tears he saw me all emotional.
"Hayley are you ok?" he asked.
I just cried in his arms, feeling him rub my arms, comforting me.
He told me "we're always going to be together, through good and bad."
Hearing those words made me feel so secure in our relationship.
I am not going to give up on him and he will not give up on me.
We have been through so much already in the three years we have been together.
I am more than confident our marriage will last.

For the first time in my life I feel as though my life is finally falling into place.
God works in mysterious ways.
All I know is I am enjoying this chapter in my life.
I cannot wait to be a wife to the man I love and adore.
To the man who lets me be me.
Who I have so much fun with time and time again.
I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with the man who makes me incredibly happy.
I know I have found my Mr Right. ]]> HayleyG http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5160-Meeting-with-the-minister http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5154-The-Bridal-Dress Mon, 23 Jul 2012 02:01:23 GMT So I went to just look at bridal dresses yesterday. So many to choose from. The one I chose to try on brought me to tears. I looked at myself for the first time as a bride. I could see a glimpse of my wedding day. There was my mother in tears as she saw her baby standing in front of her now... So I went to just look at bridal dresses yesterday.
So many to choose from.
The one I chose to try on brought me to tears.
I looked at myself for the first time as a bride.

I could see a glimpse of my wedding day.
There was my mother in tears as she saw her baby standing in front of her now a woman dressed as a bride.
We both embraced each other with tears of joy.
The staff were wonderful, friendly and kind.
After one congratulated me with a hug another said she wants one too and hugged the bride to be.

I cannot wait for the day my groom sees me as his bride.
I cannot wait for our wedding day, to share with the people who mean so much to us.
I look forward to the day I become a wife to the man who changed my life in the best possible way. ]]> HayleyG http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5154-The-Bridal-Dress http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5142-Celebrations Mon, 16 Jul 2012 10:45:28 GMT Celebrations are in order.
As we celebrate our engagement.
This marks a wonderful, exciting new chapter in our lives together.
This is the start of our forever.

I can't wait to be your bride.
The day I look forward to since I was a little girl.
Now I will enjoy every moment planning our special day.
I embrace your love, I am never letting you go.

You have made me the happiest I have ever been.
I am so thankful you have been in my life.
I am lucky to have you by my side.
I cannot wait to be your wife. ]]> HayleyG http://www.sffworld.com/forums/entry.php?5142-Celebrations