by, March 11th, 2009 at 01:11 PM (2023 Views)
(Dernhil Loophole blog #1)
I awoke this morning in strange white-washed room. I have never felt such peace and quiet, such tranquility before now, and I wonder what has happened. I do not wish to recall my last memory, but it seems it's been floating in and out of my mind.
Am I dead? I must be...I remember saying the words in the Speech that would render myself deceased. I can remember their intrusion, the pain I felt when they had tried to find information about Maerad, my beloved Maerad. I would not let them. I suppose I have answered my own question.
I have found this pen and journal, an unlikely conincidence on the wooden nightstand beside my bed. Perhaps it shall be my gift for giving up my life? The gift of continuing my love of writing even after I am dead?
I have tried to avoid thinking of Maerad. I had been stupid to think she loved me. I had only known her about a week. One week out of how many both of us have lived is petty...if I had resisted my temptation, the overwhelming love that is inside of me, this wouldn't have happened. Maerad would not have lashed out at me, nor would she be afraid of me. No, I ruined my chances at being her lover, and my chances at life.
Or did I? Now that I think of it, the dead do not feel, and whereas I am feeling, I must be alive. I can hear, and think, and mourn the loss of Maerad; I can love her and think of hope. No, I am here, wherever here may be. My only challenge is to find out where I am.
-Dernhil of Gent