Another Large Project in need of Feedback
by, August 13th, 2009 at 11:16 PM (566 Views)
In addition to the work I am doing with rodeo, I have my only full length novel project that I tinker with at times. The idea came from something an ex-girlfriend asked me to read after I had shown her some of my stories. At first I tried to encompass exactly what she wrote into a larger story but there were some aspect of her writing that did not work after we had broken up. The core idea was still there but it was missing something to tie into the story I had envisioned. Something that was reflected in our relationship as well.
A theme I was trying to draw out related to what I was looking for in life. Someone who could help me bear the burden of sadness I carry from watching all the ugliness in the world. I had made a blog entry relating this feeling, in the old blog system, title practicing prose. I have since cleaned up her work and my own into a form that I will call a song like you would see at the begining of a chapter. I do not think they actually are truly in a song of poetic form, but that is the best way I can decribe them.
Also, it fits my purpose.
The first is the Song of Sorrow:
My soul shrinks from the pain as my heart is blanched porcelain white by the sorrows I have seen in this world.
Ill made, am I, to bear the burdens I have seen for I was granted only an entrance and no exit.
The ugliness festers within my body seeking escape through poisons churned within my abdomen and tensions that bind my limbs as if I were arthritic.
Oh, how I envy those who can shout at the wind and be cleansed.
How I long to drench my soul under a refreshing waterfall or be massaged by a gentle breeze.
These are but blurred images from a childhood drowned under the sorrows of the world.
So, let’s dance the waltz of the world’s sorrows until our hearts break and our tears fill oceans.
Then we may wake up and see that we are not as weak as we thought we are.
The second is the Song of Rememberance:
Remember me when sadness darkens the paths of your life for I shall always be at your side.
Seek my love when weakness drains your vitality and threatens to leave an empty husk in place of my beloved.
Forget not the small things I do everyday, since these are the healing balms I lay upon your sweating brow.
Doubt not your own worth for if it were so trivial would I still wish to be in your dreams?
Cast not aside your vision of me smiling back at you in love.
Yes, we shall dance the waltz of the world’s sorrows for I will dance with you through the fiery abyss and beyond.
Then, on the ‘morrow, the sun shall shine on a world made better by our passing.
These are the feelings of the characters of the novel that I hope to call Sorrow and Rememberance. The short story The Fall of Blessing and Prosperity is a story I wrote to flesh out some of the world I was creating and to tell the story of a central tragedy that affects many of the characters in the main novel. The ratings I received on this story disappointed me greatly, but I came to see that the feeling I strove to foster in that story fell flat. I am now rewriting the story from a different tack. I will post the new version as soon as I have it done.