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Mark Lawrence

My homage to "Go the **** to sleep"

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[Mr Samuel Jackson, please narrate this for me!]

You know I love you dearly, your face it is so sweet, now open up your little mouth, itís time to ****ing eat.

The spoon it is approaching, a food-train heaped and yummy, unpress your darling little lips and weíll shove it in your tummy.

The lion eats the wildebeeste, the cows they eat the grass, so eat your ****ing dinner before I shove it up your....

Ask not Ďwhat is this green bití, please donít dissect your food, just put it in your tiny mouth, then close it, donít be rude.

You know I love you dearly, it just the kitchenís heat, thatís making me so very red, now itís time to ****ing eat.

The fox it eats the rabbit, the owl swallows the mouse, please eat these lovely veggies, before I burn down the house.

This is the same stuff that you loved, one ****ing day ago Ė how do you change your mind so fast? How am I supposed to know, that what was good on first bite, now heaped upon your plate, became the vilest stuff on earth, the thing that you most hate?

The kitchen is my cavern, where I boil my witchís brew, with eye of newt and leg of toad, and bad things just for you.

You know I love you dearly, Iíve put that on repeat, but baby open wide now, itís time to ****ing eat.

I try to buy the good stuff and load a healthy plate, but all you eat is sugar, and I put on the weight. Youíre buzzing like a humming bird, youíre humming like a fly, you ping around the room dear, as you hit that sugar high.

You liked it in the food mall, you liked it in the box, you liked as you tipped it out and poured the milk on top. But now that it sits glistening, and heaped up in your bowl, you say youíd rather eat a goat - a raw one like a troll.

The pots and pans I clatter, and I make a good pretence, but nothing good will come of it, youíre too solid in defense.

You know I love you dearly, but I must admit defeat, for in the end we both know, youíre not going to ****ing eat.

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  1. PeterWilliam's Avatar
    That's great! My brother-in-law sent me a copy of the inspiration for this, as he has a nearly 2 year old and his sister and I have a 2+ year old and a 4 month old. I'm going to return the favor to him and send him the link to this. Captures the frustration in that particular interaction very well.