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Thread: Vanishing Point

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  1. #1
    Registered User lemming's Avatar
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    Vanishing Point

    Hi everyone... my short-short story Vanishing Point just got posted today, so I guess I want feedback. It's funny, I wrote this so many years ago and my style has changed so much since then, I feel like someone else wrote it anyway. But I would like to hear what people think. Thanks....

  2. #2
    Eloquence & Inebriation Moderator
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    Good day to you
    I just finished reading your story. I'm afraid that I won't be much help in constructive criticsim because I really did completely enjoyed you tale.
    There was a charmming poetic whimsy to your narrative.
    I enjoyed the descriptition of her voice sounding like cotton balls falling on snow.

    When a story is one page there is only so much space to develop your tale. However I found the read pleasant and satisfying, even with the amibgious nature. And even with that I let my imagination go with it.

    I liked your story very much.
    Sincerely
    enazwo

  3. #3
    Keeping The Equilibrium Erebus's Avatar
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    Well, for me, Vanishing Point was a refreshing read; short, concise and written with an almost poetic eloquence.

    I felt that the story was perhaps a metaphor for death or the loss of someone close, at least, that's how it came across to me. As Enazwo has already said, there's little to fault in such a small piece, but it's a great example of your writing style, Lemming, and I look forward to seeing more of your stuff!

  4. #4
    Registered User lemming's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies guys... I guess threads like these are a lot shorter when nobody comes in with inappropriate comments to rile things up!

    If anybody ever feels like posting a meaner and more specific post here though, please do so. The story's so old I may never edit it again, but then again, I might.


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