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  1. #1

    Thumbs up Critique: Help Me Out?

    Just published first chapter in story. It is listed under Enright, Bainbridge. Read it and comment, please?

  2. #2
    Cranky old broad AuntiePam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    You might be better served if this was posted in the Writers forum.

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    In my mind...
    I'm hoping that "Ni-ikra" is your story. Next time post a link in your request, it makes it alot easier to find it. But anyways, Not bad you really caught my attention at the begginning with the whole "I'm dead" thing and I am really suprised that it's about cats. Pretty unique, I must admit.

    A few adjustments I would make:
    Do not call female cats, she-cats or male cats, he-cats. To me its annoying but if you want to keep it that way go for it. It just bothers me. lol.

    Also I don't know if you are going to reveal this later but why would a king and queen choose an orphan to be their heir, to me that seems a bit of a stretch. Unless perhaps they can't have any more cubs or something like that.

    "I had the feeling that my parents (as Rah-ka and Amara shall be referred to from now on)..."
    No need to tell us that you will be calling the parents by their first names. The reader will figure that out once you start doing it.

    "The longer and better your sabers..."
    What is better when it comes to sabers? I have no idea.

    That's about it. Its a cute story so far and I enjoyed it. Continue writing because I'm interested in what will happen next.

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