January 27th, 2007, 01:20 PM
A first chapter: Critique please
This is the first chapter (first draft as well) of a possible novel entitled The Song of Tomorrow. I know it isn't anywhere near being close to being related to hoping to be finished... lol. http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2272p0.html
Please tell me what you guys think. I wrote this last night at 1AM before crashing in my bed.
January 30th, 2007, 01:13 AM
I had the first impression this is what happens after we die, and he tried to be reincarnated?
A few sentence fragments need to be simplified or maybe deleted, like 'that pulled the fabrics of existence away' or 'cleverest rendition of vocabulary'
January 30th, 2007, 08:58 AM
Thanks for the feedback. You're guess is as good as mine (about the reincarnation). I haven't developed anything further, yet, and I was only writing it because it was stuck on my mind and I didn't want to lose it forever. I thought it was interesting so I decided to post. Changes will be made lol.