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  1. #1
    Registered User RedSG's Avatar
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    A first chapter: Critique please

    This is the first chapter (first draft as well) of a possible novel entitled The Song of Tomorrow. I know it isn't anywhere near being close to being related to hoping to be finished... lol. http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2272p0.html
    Please tell me what you guys think. I wrote this last night at 1AM before crashing in my bed.

  2. #2
    I had the first impression this is what happens after we die, and he tried to be reincarnated?
    A few sentence fragments need to be simplified or maybe deleted, like 'that pulled the fabrics of existence away' or 'cleverest rendition of vocabulary'

  3. #3
    Registered User RedSG's Avatar
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    Thanks for the feedback. You're guess is as good as mine (about the reincarnation). I haven't developed anything further, yet, and I was only writing it because it was stuck on my mind and I didn't want to lose it forever. I thought it was interesting so I decided to post. Changes will be made lol.

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