June 25th, 2007, 09:44 AM
Second Part of the First Chapter
Robby fell to the ground and sat next to his friend.
“We could beat them if we were fighting together. Trenna wouldn’t stand a chance with a sword against you. And Antoinette only fights ruthlessly if there’s only one target. She can’t focus on two at a time. After you beat Trenna, we could team up on Antoinette and take victory.” Aidan whispered only loud enough for Robby to hear. Now, Robby understood what Aidan was doing. He had faked his defeat.
Robby suddenly stood and turned to the others.
“Trenna,” He began, “I suggest you arm yourself.”
They stopped laughing and turned to him with curious looks on their faces.
“What?” Trenna asked.
Aidan jumped to his feet and held his sword high. “He means,” He said as he flipped his sword in the air, “Prepare your self.” He lashed his blade out towards Antoinette. She leapt backwards and bumped into a confused Trenna. They looked at each other and then at Aidan and Robby, who were armed and ready. They seemed to catch on. Trenna pulled a long, curved blade from it’s sheath that hung on her belt while Antoinette pulled Daughter of Light out of the ground and walked casually over to her starting position. The four of them all stared at each for a moment. No one moved.
“GO! Thou canker-blossoms are too slow!” A howl split the air.
Aidan, Antoinette, Robby, and Trenna all looked around the corral for the source of the scream. Aidan’s eyes finally fell on a large shadow underneath a tree to the south of the enclosure. He knew it was Captain Valithor. He should have known the moment the command left his grandfather’s glimpse’s lips. Aidan nudged Robby in the ribs and signaled an attack on Antoinette and Trenna while they were off-guard. They charged at the girls with their swords in front of them. Trenna was the first to catch on. She yelled at Antoinette while she hurtled forward to meet Robby’s broadsword with her scimitar. Trenna heaved his sword into the air with great force and spun around and struck Robby’s unguarded side. The blow knocked all the air out of him.
Aidan gave a sideward glance at his friend’s status before he clashed blades with Antoinette. Their swords met at eye-level. Antoinette strained to keep her sword from falling out of her hands by the strength and force Aidan was pushing on his blade. He grinned, reflecting the same attitude Antoinette had worn when she thought she had bested him. She gave a mock smile and released her force on Fury and ducked to the side. Fury went crashing into the ground and before Aidan could pull it free of the ground’s grasp, Antoinette swung her blade at his back. He dropped to the ground and turned over onto his back. He used his foot to kick Daughter of Light out of Antoinette’s hands. As she ran to retrieve her sword, Aidan jumped to his feet and heaved Fury out of the ground just in time to parry away one of Antoinette’s strikes.
Robby’s fight with Trenna was going harder then Aidan had indicated it would. Every time he swung his massive sword at her, Trenna dodged it without a thought. It seemed to Robby that it was almost as if she could see the strike before it came. Robby grimaced and continued to strike. Or at least, he tried to. As the battle went on, Trenna’s strikes came quicker and quicker as Robby’s strikes came slower and slower. His shoulders began to ache from heaving such a large blade.
Even Kaliam’s sword weighed less then this! All my other swords even weighed less! Robby thought of dueling Kaliam with his sword and all the swords he had received from Paragor before he had become devoted to King Eliam. He persisted on trying to keep up with Trenna’s blows. It wasn’t his fault that he had been trained with broadswords. He’d become quite used to heavy blades by the time he came to the Realm. Lost in his thoughts, Robby didn’t pay attention to his opponent’s light sword. It flew at him and knocked him backwards. He landed on his back, his sword landed, right next to his head, in the ground. Robby thought to himself it was a good thing that he had not moved over, even the slightest bit. He glanced over at Aidan, who was barely moving fast enough to evade every one of Antoinette’s strikes. At least he’s doing better then me. He thought glumly.
“Is this fight already over?” Trenna asked, walking over to where he now lay.
Robby looked up at her. “I feel like I did a dive off a diving board and landed on my back.” He groaned.
“That doesn’t answer my question, now does it, Sir Robby?” She asked, leering.
Robby thought for a moment. Did he really want to be humiliated by losing again? No, of course not! No body wanted to be humiliated. He leapt to his feet, despite the pain running along his spine. He stood and leaned on his splendid sword for a second, aware of Trenna’s eyes, burning a hole in his back. He hesitated a minute moment, then thrust his sword out of the ground and whipped around to face Trenna, swinging his blade violently as he did. Trenna, caught by surprise, jumped backward. Then she swung her curved blade at Robby’s shoulder. Roby shifted his sword so that he could deflect Trenna’s attack with it. She used the force in his swing to spin herself around on one foot. Kaliam did that when we were fighting! Perhaps he taught her that. Robby realized.
Antoinette stabbed the air with her sword when Aidan sidestepped the attack. He effortlessly struck her side with Fury while she straightened herself from her non-efficient blow. She winced but continued to endure the fight. By now, all the young warriors had been fighting for a little less then half an hour, and were all quite worn out. But Antoinette, being who she was, wouldn’t give up. She persisted in swinging heavy blows at Aidan until he held up a hand in defeat. Antoinette smiled and whistled to the others to get their attention. Trenna and Robby looked over. Robby used his broadsword to hit Trenna on the back while they still looked in Antoinette and Aidan’s direction. Trenna turned and hit him hard on the shoulder. Aidan let out a rugged laugh.
Trenna and a blushing Robby walked over to their friends.
“So, Aidan. ‘Trenna wouldn’t stand a chance with a sword’? Really?” Robby asked, absently rubbing his arm.
Now, it was Aidan’s turn to get hit. Trenna, like the speed of light, spun and hit Aidan hard in the nose. Aidan fell backwards onto the ground, clutching his bleeding nose. Trenna, who hadn’t mean to hit his face, but his arm, started to apologize and explain the reason for the blow.
“No, Trenna. It’s all right. I probably deserved that.” Aidan mumbled, with his hand covering his nose.
“Well, Sir Aidan. This isn’t the first time you’ve endured a blow to the nose from a girl, now is it?” Antoinette stifled a laugh.
Aidan grumbled while Trenna and Robby started to laugh with Antoinette.
“Well, I think we’ve both learned a lesson, today.” Robby said to Aidan as they walked behind Trenna and Antoinette back to King Eliam’s castle. (I know they’re dead, but bear with me here, okay? King Eliam can have a castle in the Sacred Realm, too. He's KING ELIAM!!!)
Aidan groaned in agreement. He didn’t like the feeling of blood gushing out of his nose.
As they strolled into the main hall, they saw Bolt and Queen Illaria of Yewland heading towards them. As they drew closer, Illaria broke into a run and rushed to Aidan’s side.
“What happened?” She asked as she jerked Aidan’s hand away from his face. Bolt started to laugh.
“What happened, m’lady,” Bolt replied, “Is that someone got Aidan in the nose for something.” He said, winking at Antoinette and Trenna.
As Queen Illaria muttered something about always having to watch out for Aidan, Aidan scowled at Trenna. Robby bit his lip to keep from laughing, too. He knew that if he did, Aidan would never forgive him.
Captain Valithor came walking in behind everybody. Antoinette had stopped laughing and were going to say something when he signaled for them to be quiet. They started to laugh hysterically, again.
“What do you think is so funny?” Robby asked, turning to follow their gaze. When he saw Valithor, he, too, was going to give away that he was there, but he instantly shut his mouth when Valithor motioned for him to be quiet. He pointed at Aidan and did a silent zombie impression. Robby couldn’t hold back his laughter.
“Come on! Not you, too, Robby. I honestly don’t think this is that funny!” Aidan said, his voice muffled.
Aidan scowled at all his friends. A hand landed on his shoulder. He turned around to see a tall Captain Valithor, his hands out-stretched and his tongue hanging out like a dead toad. Aidan let out a shrill screech.
The sight didn’t scare Aidan, more startle him then anything. Aidan leapt up from where he was sitting. Bolt stood, leaning against the wall, snickering, while Illaria slapped him. Antoinette, Robby, and Trenna all kept laughing while Aidan recovered from this scare.
Captain Valithor was laughing loudest of all.
Alright, this is the rest of the First Chapter. Please give me any advice that comes to your mind. Thanks!
Last edited by LadyGwenne; June 25th, 2007 at 03:56 PM.
Reason: I had to add something I had Forgotten...
June 25th, 2007, 02:29 PM
Well, yeah. This is the last part of Chapter 1. I'm sorry if I messed it up too terribly, or if I made all the characters too happy-go-lucky. Or if I messed Captain Valithor up. Sorry!
P.S: Please tell me any advice you have!
June 25th, 2007, 04:01 PM
First Part of Second Chapter
Chapter 2: For Old Time’s Sake
Antoinette and Trenna didn’t stop laughing for the rest of the night and Aidan didn’t feel like doing anything else for the sleeping for the rest of the night. The excessive amount of blood loss he had suffered made him queasy as she shuffled to his room. Robby had offered to walk him to his room but Aidan insisted he wouldn’t tumble down the spiraling stairs. Well, he didn’t tumble down the stairs but he did miss one or two and fell. He now had new bruises to look forward to on his shins. When he finally made it to his room, Aidan collapsed on his bed and fell into a deep sleep.
Antoinette could barely sip her soup between laughing fits. She knew that Aidan didn’t feel well, but she couldn’t help but think about the time when she had given him a nosebleed. She roared with laughter again, before trying to settle down to eat some soup. Trenna was sitting across the table with Robby at her side. She kept laughing but Robby remained quiet, looking at her like she was a monster or an alien.
“Maybe, uh, I should, uh, go and check on, um, Aidan. See ya!” Robby said, as he abruptly stood up and practically ran out of the Dining Hall. He didn’t look back.
“I think you scared him away, Trenna.” Antoinette grinned at her friend.
Trenna stopped laughing and started to pout. Antoinette, with her mouth full, raised an eyebrow.
When she had swallowed, she asked, “What?” Trenna shrugged and started to eat her soup, silently. The two sat in the quiet for a while until Captain Valithor came in and sat down. The chair made a creaking noise as he relaxed all of his weight on it.
“So…” He said as he poured himself some soup from a large container. “Lady Antoinette.” Antoinette perked up, wondering what he was going to say. “I’ve noticed something between you and Sir Aidan. Want to tell me about it?” He glared at her with piercing blue eyes.
“Uh? Oh, um, well, you see.” She said, startled by the question. She didn’t exactly have a script in front of her, so she thought about every word before she spoke them. “ Aidan was my first friend that believed in the Realm, so, naturally, I’ve become fond of him for his kindness towards others, his adventurous nature, his ability to make good decisions, and his beliefs.” She said slowly. Antoinette saw Trenna raise her eyebrow at her from the corner of her eye. She felt herself turn a dark shade of red as she turned to face Captain Valithor. He made a face that said, “Is that all?” like he was expecting more.
“Well, then.” He said, now directing his attention to his soup that was turning cold. “I’m just going to let you know that since, I’m Aidan’s grandfather, and I know you don’t want him to know about your adoration, I’ll keep everything you said, and anything you want to add, to myself.”
Antoinette sighed. Thank Goodness! She thought to herself. If there was anyone she didn’t want to know about this in the Realms, it would be Aidan. She saw Trenna staring at her with big round eyes and a huge grin on her face.
As Antoinette and Trenna got up to leave, Valithor stopped Antoinette.
“I won’t tell him. But you should think about letting him know, young Antoinette.” He whispered.
Trenna led the way up the towering stairs. Antoinette followed her, thinking about what Valithor had said. While they walked, Antoinette saw Trenna staring at her, mouth agape.
“What?” She stopped walking and demanded. Trenna stopped and looked at her. Then she continued to walk down the marble hallway.
“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.” She said with a smile on her face. Antoinette caught up to her and placed her hand on Trenna’s shoulder and forced her to stay put.
“You had better not tell him, Trenna.” She growled. She was very nervous about the fact that Aidan might find out. That was one thing she wouldn’t let happen.
The smile on Trenna’s face disappeared. “Aww. You take all the fun out of life.” She grumbled as they started walking again.
“I can’t take all the fun out of life when there’s no life to be lived for us.” Antoinette pointed out to her friend.
Trenna stopped and thought about Antoinette’s last remark for a moment before proceeding to her room. “I guess you do have a point, there.” She said catching up with Antoinette’s long strides.
Robby had been thinking about Trenna ever since he had left them in the room. She usually wasn’t in hysteria like this. Maybe it was just because she thought it was interesting how she could mutilate Aidan’s face by punching him. And true enough, Aidan was probably in a lot more pain then Robby had been from his swift punch to the arm. When he arrived at his room, Robby remembered that he had originally come up to check on Aidan. He turned himself around and walked to Aidan’s room.
Well, this is part of the Second Chapter.
Read and Enjoy....
Last edited by LadyGwenne; June 25th, 2007 at 04:02 PM.
Reason: Had to Add Something in...
June 25th, 2007, 06:10 PM
I like the swordfighting, mingled with witty dialogue. That's a good combination since, after all, they are friends. It's also nice to see other familiar faces like Queen Illaria, Bolt, and Cpt. Valithor.
Question: What are they doing? Are they training? Are they just trying to keep fighting skills sharp?
I like your style, but I still would like to see what you could do with original material.
Of course, any moment, a Mod is going to ask us to move this to the Writing Forum. lol
June 25th, 2007, 07:31 PM
i have to agree here Question: What are they doing? Are they training? Are they just trying to keep fighting skills sharp?
Originally Posted by Wayne Batson
dont worry to much on spelling thing's right it may help to think of it as a frist drafft to work out the story line ...keep up the good work
June 25th, 2007, 08:43 PM
Questions and Answers
Well, I thought of the dueling and stuff more as just something they do to hang out. They aren't really preparing for a quest or anything. Yet. In my mind, I can invision Aidan and Antoinette battling just for the fun of it. Or making a tournament just to have fun with it. I know my friends and I sometimes have tournaments on Dance Dance Revolution. I would picture it like that. I guess that is something I should incorperate into the FanFic: why/what are they doing?
Well, thanks for the advice. And I hope no Mod comes and moves it. I can hardly find the board as it is. I still look for it on the Science Fiction Boards because I can't find it on the Fantasy Boards. I don't want it to move again!!*pouts*
June 25th, 2007, 08:50 PM
My sister asked me why I had put the others in the story and I had only one thing to say: They're dead, too.
Originally Posted by Wayne Batson
Since they're dead, of course they would be in the Sacred Realm. So why not include them? Later on in the story, I also have Kindle. And I think I have some other people....
As for styles, I've never really thought of myself as a good writer. I love to write but, like I've said before, most of my stories blew off with the wind. A friend of mine and I have our own story, but we're not even half way done with it. And I have a book that I finished awhile ago, but it's short and I imagine if it ever does hit the shelves, you'd probably find it in the kid's section at a bookstore. It's short and not so hard to read. I wrote it a long time ago.....
But thanks, guys, for the advice. It'll help me as I continue the FanFic. I'll try to post the rest of the Second Chapter tomorrow.
June 25th, 2007, 09:03 PM
why not have them go on a quest in the Sacred Realm i for one would like to see what you do with it i know they wont find anything bad there but who knows what King Eliam put there think about it for a bit
June 26th, 2007, 10:14 AM
Well, you see. I would make a quest for them, but it'd either have to have something bad they find, or the story would go 'boom'....I have certain ways of writing. There has to be drama, (like someone dying) or it has to be happy-go-lucky. I can't really do anything between without it being a total screw-up.
I have a few ideas for the story, but it's not really a total mission. I had a few ideas. But Paragor would still have to be alive for it....But I guess I could make my idea work with him being dead. Cause, in the plot I have in mind, he'd play a semi-big part in it. I'll see what I can do, though. I just don't want it to end really horrifically, though. And if I'm not careful about it, that's how it's going to end.
June 27th, 2007, 09:26 PM
Fantasy Fiction Tour
Hey, Gwenne, RD, and any other Door Within Fans, Wayne Thomas Batson here...
Beginning July 9th in Atlanta, I'll be touring the East Coast of the US with Bryan Davis, Sharon Hinck, and Christopher Hopper! That's right, four Incredible Fantasy Authors will be coming to bookstores near you to meet, greet, speak, read, and sign books!
To see if The Fantasy 4 Fiction Tour comes to a city near you, CLICK HERE.
If you are a fan of Fantasy Fiction, esp. Fantasy that has depth, this is an event you don't want to miss. I've read all three of these other authors, and I can personally vouch for their work. It's great reading.
I would personally LOVE to meet some SFF folks while I'm on tour!
-Wayne Thomas Batson
June 28th, 2007, 10:16 AM
I looked Wayne Thomas Batson and nope your not comming any where near me but thanks for the info
June 28th, 2007, 01:26 PM
Yeah, I don't exactly live on the East Coast, either. Too bad! But at least I don't have to deal with hurricanes, either.
June 28th, 2007, 01:31 PM
The only place I'd be able to make the tour, is in Washington, but that is my little brother's birthday, so, I'll have stay put, where I am. It stinks.
July 1st, 2007, 04:43 PM
That is a bummer. But y'know, books (esp. books signed by the author) make very good Birthday presents. lol
Originally Posted by LadyGwenne
If this tour goes well, we are considering a Tour of the West Coast for Summer 2008. Is that where you guys are?
July 1st, 2007, 06:11 PM
The West Coast? Nope. I'm closer to the East Coast, but not directly on it. I'm stationed right here in Beavercreek/Xenia, Ohio. Not much fun here.
I would try to make it to get my brother a signed book, but I think it would be just a little too much for him. He's turning 5 and still acts like he's 2. He 'swings' from my hair and breaks things. He's a little ape-man.