Came across an aphorysm that has made a lot of sense to me over 40 years of co-habitation with TLWSHLWM. "Love is a decision." Often the decision is preceded and followed by emotion, strong emotion, but the individual makes a decision to act, either in acquiessence to the emotion or despite it. Which means that my emotions are not responsbile for my actions, my morality, how I choose to live my life. They flavor my actions but are not the base on which they are built. At least most of the time. I have yet to acheive perfection in any facet of my life.
So, I think I agree with:
though I would eliminate "sometimes" and everything after 'internalize."That statement is essentially one which says that your personal identity is what you choose it to be. But it's a continuum. We cannot help but be shaped by previous and novel socializing forces (like work environments, university, the military, whatever), but we do sometimes get to choose which of those qualities we internalize, and which we simply wear on the outside in order to get along.
I often describe myself as a chameleon, able to blend into whatever surroundings I may encounter. When I was young, I thought this was a flaw. At this point in my life, I think it is a skill allowing me to socialize without changing anything about myself. For example, if I am with some of my relatives, I know which subjects are certain to provoke nasty debates. I value family relationships so I decide to not engage in those topics. Changes nothing about my self-identity, merely allows me to "decide to love" my relations. I always assume they are doing the same thing.