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  1. #61
    Illustrious Gambler saintjon's Avatar
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    That was a pretty piss-poor attempt at english there spam-marketer.

  2. #62
    Registered User JunkMonkey's Avatar
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    Lifeforce (1985) - The first manned mission to Haley's comet finds an derelict space ship. Now anyone who has ever seen ANY movies knows that entering derelict spaceships is just asking for trouble. Unfortunately our valiant crew have spent so long training to be astronauts they never watched anything other than training videos and happily go exploring. Inside they encounter a bunch of dead aliens and three perfectly preserved nude humans in suspended animation. The female of the three probably has the most beautiful tits seen on any screen during the eighties. Hypnotised by naked knockers (as most men are) the crew drag the bodies on board and head back for Earth and the plot goes into out of control free-fall with the movie ending up with rampaging alien vampire zombies destroying London, (I think they were covering all the bases when they pitched this one:
    Writer: "It's a vampire flick, with zombies! - and aliens... ...and tits!"
    Producer:"I like it!"
    This film has a real reputation for being awful and I was surprised to find the the opening sequences weren't that bad, but it didn't take long to descend into totally confused garbage. Towards the end I gave up trying to follow what was going on - though actors kept telling me at great length - and just felt sorry for Peter Firth (who probably thought this was going to be his big Hollywood break)as he wandered about in a polo-neck jumper trying to be the hero but being confounded at every turn by the incoherent script.

    The first feature film to use Brent Cross Shopping Centre as a location and the second film I've watched in a row to feature Patrick Stewart being subsumed by an alien lifeform. He explodes in this one.
    Last edited by Rob B; February 16th, 2011 at 03:37 PM. Reason: Nude pictures are against policy, you should know this by now.

  3. #63
    Boba Fett Lives Daddy Darth's Avatar
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    Splice - WTF was this? Holy Crap, what a weird movie. I was dumbfounded by it. The spliced entity was one part fish, one part bird, one part scorpion I am guessing and one part human. Oh yes, and it can change gender for some apparent reason. One ridiculously gross sex scene, I will say no more.

    I had high hopes with the actors in this but it was simply bad stuff.

    JM, I kinda liked Lifeforce, though I have not seen it since I was a teen. Probably would be pretty funny now. I wonder how long your provocative pic will last here.

  4. #64
    Registered User JunkMonkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daddy Darth View Post
    JM, I kinda liked Lifeforce, though I have not seen it since I was a teen. Probably would be pretty funny now. I wonder how long your provocative pic will last here.
    Not long. I had forgotten about the general abhorrence of female chests around here. My apologies to all, I didn't mean to corrupt and deprave you.

  5. #65
    Registered User JunkMonkey's Avatar
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    By one of those coincidences you are just going to have to take my word for. I picked up Claude Chabrol's La fille coupée en deux (The Girl Cut in Two 2007) second-hand today. (I buy anything on the Artificial Eye label if it's cheap enough - found some great films I wouldn't otherwise have seen that way.)

    Tonight, too tired to make a decision about which film I saw, I just picked up the topmost DVD of my tottering 'to be watched' pile (which of course was La fille coupée en deux, the last one I'd put on there) and put it in the player - Mathilda May, the naked hypno-boob girl of last night's film, was the first person on screen.

    Inspired by the murder of Stanford White in 1906 the film tells the story of a TV weather girl torn between two lovers. A rich successful older novelist and a wealthy, but unbalanced playboy. The film asks us to believe that both men already detest each other - for reasons that are never really specified - and both of them instantly fall in love with the same girl within one day. She falls in love with one, marries the other - lots of post coital conversations, lots of people sitting round eating expensive meals and a hurried, patched together, scrappy ending that looks like it had been nailed into the script to stop the film going on for another couple of hours. I didn't believe a single frame of the whole damn thing.

    To add to the general air of disappointment Mathilda May, who still looks pretty damn hot 22 years after Lifeforce, didn't get her kit off.

  6. #66
    Boba Fett Lives Daddy Darth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JunkMonkey View Post
    Not long. I had forgotten about the general abhorrence of female chests around here. My apologies to all, I didn't mean to corrupt and deprave you.

    Hey, I wasn't complaining!

  7. #67
    Registered User JunkMonkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daddy Darth View Post
    Hey, I wasn't complaining!
    I didn't say it was universal :-)

  8. #68
    Registered User JunkMonkey's Avatar
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    I really hope I don't see anything quite so dreadful as this for the rest of the year.
    I should learn to keep my big mouth shut. 'Be careful what you wish for'.

    Last night I watched:
    The Eye Creatures (1965) - Another of Larry Buchanan's fantastically dreadful TV remakes. This time Invasion of the Saucer Men got the work-over. Aliens land but are defeated by middle aged teenagers shining their car headlights on them - eye monsters explode if you shine lights on them. Superbly dreadful with all the usual Larry Buchanan hallmarks of shoddiness: there are lots of over-long shots of people walking away from the camera and into a doorway. This is a classic Buchanan shot and quite often it signals the end of a scene. Sometimes it doesn't. The scene often actually finished quite a while before hand but Buchanan will usually wait till everyone has left the screen before he cuts to the next one. Not very good with transitions was Mr B. Not very good at anything really.
    I remember one film of his in which someone walked (seemingly forever) till he got to a building we had never seen before and had no idea who it belonged to. We watched the character enter the door, Buchanan held on the door for a bit and then we watched the character emerge and walk back the way he had come. We never did find out what he was doing in there or who the building belonged to.

    Why do I do this to myself?
    Last edited by JunkMonkey; February 26th, 2011 at 07:01 PM.

  9. #69
    Registered User Delmak-O's Avatar
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    Cargo - German with subtitles.

    Watched this last night and it was heaven. Great SciFi movie with minimal chatter and non of the over-the-top character clashes that you expect from such movies. Had some nice tension and whilst not the greatest or most unusual plot it was subtly handled. The ship and the sets in general were classic noir fare with fans and the usual dark corners and dripping water but big.

    What no lasers? Indeed and very little on the gun front too which makes for a pleasant change.

    So in summary don't be expecting hi drama and space battles but a quiet move to an interesting conclusion and a nicely timed plot.

  10. #70
    It never entered my mind algernoninc's Avatar
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    The American with George Clooney and some hot eye-candy.
    It was better than I expected, but only becaue I thought this will be another mindless violence and fast cars fest.
    I liked the slow pace, the silences and the girls. The long tracking shots of mountain roads, the labyrinth of old streets and the pervasive sadness made me think of an old favorite : Bobby Deerfield with Al Pacino. Maybe it's time for a re-watch.

  11. #71
    A chuffing heffalump Chuffalump's Avatar
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    Splinter

    Hmmm. OK. Bit cliched in the character development. If you like a bit of gore and freaky monsters then it's worth watching but don't pay too much.

  12. #72
    Registered User JunkMonkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JunkMonkey View Post
    I really hope I don't see anything quite so dreadful as this for the rest of the year.

    Survival Zone (1983) came pretty damn close...

  13. #73
    Registered User Loerwyn's Avatar
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    I just watched Black Death with Sean Bean and that bloke from Blackadder.

    Incredibly well made film, and I did enjoy it. However, I think the rating is a little low; I'd have said it was an 18, not a 15. The violence and so forth is quite strong, although the language is very mild.

    I think it's quite a nice play on both historical and horror films, and combines the two sides seamlessly. The acting is great, the music is good, the sound is superb (Especially towards the end) and the weaponplay is also pretty good.

    Well worth a watch, even if you're squeamish.

  14. #74
    Registered User JunkMonkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delmak-O View Post
    Cargo - German with subtitles.

    Watched this last night and it was heaven. Great SciFi movie with minimal chatter and non of the over-the-top character clashes that you expect from such movies. Had some nice tension and whilst not the greatest or most unusual plot it was subtly handled. The ship and the sets in general were classic noir fare with fans and the usual dark corners and dripping water but big.

    What no lasers? Indeed and very little on the gun front too which makes for a pleasant change.

    So in summary don't be expecting hi drama and space battles but a quiet move to an interesting conclusion and a nicely timed plot.

    I've just watched this and I was a little disappointed. I'd worked out the plot about five minutes in and after that it was just watching the dominoes topple. I agree it looked great and the lack of gunplay was welcome but it did press several of my dumb SF buttons: things like the size of the ship, all those huge spaces all full of air at a breathable pressure.

    "Captain, I think we got a stowaway."
    "Okay, put on your suits and vent the ship. Next problem please."

    And the big engines firing all the time for four years! They only cut out about 30 seconds before they reach their destination; at which point the ship just stops (once the engines stop pushing it). At some point this ship goes FLT. It has to. Rhea its destination is 'four years' away from Earth. Proxima Centuri is about 4.2 light-years from us. So even if Rhea is around our nearest neighbour - and the implication is that it isn't - then the Kassandra must have gone faster than light to get there in the time. As it was constantly accelerating, when it got to Station 42 (aka Matrix in Space) it would have been doing at least lightspeed and have have become massy enough to destroy the whole bloody planet as it hit.

    As for the moment when our heroine jet packs straight into the open airlock at the end....

    I'm now watching Gayniggers from Outer Space. It's funnier.
    Last edited by JunkMonkey; February 27th, 2011 at 05:47 PM.

  15. #75
    Making it so. Orbison's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheerwell View Post
    I just watched Black Death with Sean Bean and that bloke from Blackadder.

    Incredibly well made film, and I did enjoy it. However, I think the rating is a little low; I'd have said it was an 18, not a 15. The violence and so forth is quite strong, although the language is very mild.

    I think it's quite a nice play on both historical and horror films, and combines the two sides seamlessly. The acting is great, the music is good, the sound is superb (Especially towards the end) and the weaponplay is also pretty good.

    Well worth a watch, even if you're squeamish.
    I just watched this too. I really loved the first two thirds, when they were building up the tension. However, I found the climax, well, anti-climatic. It picked up again with the epilogue, which was fantastic.

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