John Carter (of Mars)

**Loerwyn** · February 3rd, 2012, 02:40 AM

Originally Posted by JunkMonkey

I'm now also betting there's a song in it. I mean Dejah Thoris 'Princess of Mars' is now officially... wait for it... a Disney Princess after all. Something with her leaning out of a tall ruined tower, singing of her love for this rough stranger while two moons are reflected in a limpid pool. Enter a frolicking Woola (voiced by Eddie Murphy) splashing through the water...

Officially a Disney Princess? Like Rapunzel?

I'm finding that hard to believe.

**JunkMonkey** · February 3rd, 2012, 03:17 AM

She's a princess. In a Disney film. Ergo...

I can see it all now. The merchandising! The lunchboxes! The spin-off straight to DVD 'all new adventures with all her new friends!'...

I should drink less coffee.

**Loerwyn** · February 3rd, 2012, 03:35 AM

Originally Posted by JunkMonkey

She's a princess. In a Disney film. Ergo...

No

That's not how it works.

**JunkMonkey** · February 3rd, 2012, 03:56 AM

No That's not how it works.

Ah, A secret sorority, the membership of which can only be gained after strange initiation ceremonies and a vigorous vetting by the marketing department.

Singing:
"Oh, John Carter can't you see,
Now that you are a part-a me."

And what is it about Disney's marketing department that loves the phrase 'New Friends'? Tars Tarkas isn't a 'New Friend'; he's a twelve foot high, four armed murderous bastard. With tusks.

I hate Disney.

**Jon Sprunk** · February 3rd, 2012, 08:27 AM

Sorry, I loved the books as a kid, but I won't be seeing this.

**NeonKnight** · February 16th, 2012, 08:57 PM

I don't know, seems like this may be worth a look...

**Michael B** · February 18th, 2012, 01:16 AM

Originally Posted by JunkMonkey

She's a princess. In a Disney film. Ergo...

I can see it all now. The merchandising! The lunchboxes! The spin-off straight to DVD 'all new adventures with all her new friends!'...

I should drink less coffee.

I can't see too many little girls being dressed up like her, at least in Britain with the rows of over sexualising children's clothing.

**Hobbit** · March 2nd, 2012, 04:50 PM

Well after the major downturner above, this review sounds a lot more positive:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmb...rter-week-geek

Am feeling a lot more positive about this movie, though it still doesn't match what I think of as 'my' Barsoom. Next week!

Mark

**Michael B** · March 3rd, 2012, 01:21 AM

Originally Posted by Hobbit

Well after the major downturner above, this review sounds a lot more positive:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmb...rter-week-geek

Some words from the review:

> "planetary romance" – that hasn't been popular for well over half a century
Remember when they stopped making Westerns? Then started again?

> populated by bizarre creatures
Lets get rid of the creatire from Narnia and Lord of the Rings as well whilst we are about it.

> mind of a writer apparently endowed the ungrounded imagination of a small child.
Kids have great ideas which if we add some romance and sex to them make fantastic stories.

OK so I don't think that it is going to be the greatest film in the world. Howwver, it looks like being head and shoulders above a lot of the tripe put out today.

PS A pity the writer did post their name so I would run it through the web to discover what tosh they though was good.

**Hobbit** · March 3rd, 2012, 03:47 AM

My thinking there Michael was that this is a UK national newspaper where the usual response to SF is a lot lot worse.

Viewed in that context, this is a good review.

OK so I don't think that it is going to be the greatest film in the world. Howwver, it looks like being head and shoulders above a lot of the tripe put out today.

It's not perfect, but it is entertaining and could be a lot worse is the general impression I'm getting here in the UK.

Mark

**Loerwyn** · March 3rd, 2012, 06:48 AM

Originally Posted by Michael B

PS A pity the writer did post their name so I would run it through the web to discover what tosh they though was good.

He did, it's at the side. Here's a list of his articles.

**JunkMonkey** · March 3rd, 2012, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by Michael B

> mind of a writer apparently endowed the ungrounded imagination of a small child.
Kids have great ideas which if we add some romance and sex to them make fantastic stories.

Most kids of my acquaintance, mine included have fertile but utterly undisciplined imaginations, their 'Let's Pretend' play is often vastly complicated in detail but very simple in progression - and in this respect ERB is a very childlike writer who sets his characters going through the same sets of hoops and meeting the same situations time and time again with great attention to pointless detail.

Ferinstance: I've just finished Llana of Gathol and he's always stopping the action to tell us what the time is and how that relates to Jarsoomian (Earth) time -

It was exactly the 8th zode which is the equivalent of 10:48 P.M. Earth time. By midnight Llana of Gathol would have achieved invisibility

Okay, part of that is padding (of which he is a master, "The incomparable Dejah Thoris" takes twice as many words as "My wife" and every opportunity he gets, ERB reels off people's lineage and ranks and titles. And a lot of it is laziness. Llana of Gathol is essentially four near identical shorter stories strung together with a minimum of editing (the same things being described within pages with almost identical phrases). He's not a complex writer. Or even a good one.

But in general, I'm with the Hobbit. Though, it must be said, The Guardian is more liberally inclined and knowledgeable about SF than most of the UK newspapers. I took that to be a good review. Made me a little less sceptical.

**FuzionFilmz** · March 6th, 2012, 08:12 PM

Originally Posted by JunkMonkey

Oh, avoid it. It really is a piece of ****.

I suppose that's a pretty good rule of thumb for any film adaptation of a favourite book.

I agree, we just have to wait and see. You have to keep in mind that this was ERB's first pro writing gig so the material is a little flimsy. But it is a good rule of thumb to be wary of anything Disney does.

Mike

**Michael B** · March 7th, 2012, 12:08 AM

Originally Posted by JunkMonkey

. Llana of Gathol is essentially four near identical shorter stories strung together with a minimum of editing (the same things being described within pages with almost identical phrases). He's not a complex writer.

He does this an awful lot on his Venus series as well. If it was not for Wizard of Venus I would have probably cleared my copies.