October 3rd, 2012, 09:21 AM
Thank you for your critique. It was very helpful.
Originally Posted by Noumenon
The major player in my universe is a Germanic Empire based on the Holy Roman Empire (during the 2nd crusade), Renaissance France, and early pre-industrial Prussia/Germany.
I've taken your advice and tried to tighten it up as much as possible, and I was able to get it under a 100 words, but I still feel like something is missing.
Tension between the representatives of the gods and men has reached crisis point. Kaizer Frederik III has put forth an ultimatum to the Orders: return all lands and wealth to its rightful owner, his Deutz Empire, or face the consequences.
The ancient Order of Alleman, answerable only to the god of wisdom, has ignored the Kaizer’s command and awaits his response. Far removed from politics, Godhart, a templar of Alleman, awaits the arrival of a small child. Bound by an oath to the alien Soldii, refugees from red moon, he prepares to escort the child to Sanctuary.