
Originally Posted by
sifutofu
No. No. No. You can't be lookin' at 'em all hungry and stuff. Especially if they make the needle on the babe-o-meter dig in on the far right side, and stick there. You have to ease up on 'em. Maybe you might pretend to be gay (this probably takes some guts), be their shopping buddy, etc. Then maybe , just maybe, you'll find yourself sitting with her on the edge of her bed, while she pours out her grief to you about how some guy did her wrong. The next thing you know, she'll be telling you how wonderful you are, and how she forgets sometimes that you're gay (which of course, you're not). Then, you gotta do some fancy talking, like, "Oh, Steph, sometimes you make me forget that I'm gay, too!" Or, better yet, get yourself some scrubs, a stethoscope, and a pager. Park yourself at a local bar, when you know the lovely ladies will be having a drink. Have your pager number on speed dial. When a woman you want to get to know sits within earshot of you, hit speed-dial to page yourself. Check your pager, maybe utter a curse word or two, then pretend to dial a number on your phone. Now, here you have to have your lines memorized: "Dammit, nurse, did you really put your heart into resuscitating her?" (Fake some tears here. Let your voice become all emotional). "I know! I know! Never allow yourself to become attached to them! Huh? I'm having a drink, or something. I don't know what I'm going to do. Gotta go now. See you in a few days..." Hopefully, the woman next to you is part gold-digger, part mothering instinct gone wild: "Excuse me, sir, but are you all right?" (Big sniff) "Yeah, I'll be okay. It's just been a rough couple of days." Blah, blah, blah. I should charge you for this info, but in the interest of foreign relations, it's a freebie.
But since Kate has her own money, I think the gay friend thing would work better. Hey, it's KATE BECKINSALE, for Pete's sake! What guy wouldn't do anything if there was even a sliver of a chance to...
Bookmarks