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Thread: 1st vs 3rd - Sample
September 4th, 2012, 01:05 PM #1
1st vs 3rd - Sample
Thought I'd toss this out here, see what you all thought. I'm toying with telling my longer narrative in first-person, but I'm trying both to see how it goes. Be interested to hear which tells the story better, in your opinions. Short section follows in both first- and third-person. Not really anything but a test, so these samples aren't anything to base the actual story off of.
Galen Winter had been up for days, so long that he’d lost count. He may have caught a snooze here or there while riding, the steady gait of his horse working with his body like a hypnotic effect, but he hadn’t had real sleep since he’d left town in a rush.
He stifled yet another yawn, eyes bleary and raw. Galen knew he’d have to stop soon, even if only for a few hours. Hard to hunt in a sorry state like this, he thought. Won’t do me a lick of good to catch it and not even be able to aim straight.
Galen focused, searching the flat plain for a good place to hole up for the night. He spotted a small stand of trees maybe a mile away to the south, huddled together in the rolling grasslands that made up much of southeast Arizona. Probably only three or four of them, little more than tall shrubs, but as good a spot for a camp as any. He pulled the reins towards the trees.
“Be good to rest those legs a bit, eh, Jess?” He gave his horse, a tan and white spotted saddle mount, an affectionate pat on the neck. “Right you are, boy; be good for the both of us.”
Jess’ ears flicked, in agreement or annoyance Galen couldn’t rightly say, and headed towards the small stand.
I’d been up for days; so long, truth be told, that I had no rightly idea what day it was. I knew I’d left Bolister on a Sunday, but riding a horse non-stop with little rest will tend to make the hours blur. And right now everything was blurry, even with the late sun still lighting my way.
I fought down another yawn, struggled to keep my eyes open. I told myself if I didn’t stop soon, I’d have a hell of a time if I actually caught up to the thing. I didn’t like listening to that side of me, especially when the hunt was on, but the truth is just that. I needed the rest.
There wasn’t much to go on, lots of plain and lots of grass, but I did spot a small stand of trees about a mile off to the south. Southeast Arizona doesn’t have much in the way of cover, and I couldn’t see much else that would do the trick, so I pulled the reins toward the stand. As good a spot as any out here.
“Be good to rest those legs a bit, eh, Jess?” I gave Jess a pat on the neck. My horse, a tan and white saddle mount, he wasn’t so much a talker, but I knew what he’d say, given the chance.
“Right you are, boy; be good for the both of us.”
His ears flicked, and I couldn’t tell right there if he was just annoyed that I was still talkin’ to him, or if it was agreement. But he headed towards the small tree stand anyway.