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  1. #1
    bono malum superate
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    Phrases You Never Thought You Would Write

    I am sure we all have some phrases or notes or lines jotted down that we look at and think...really? Did I write that?

    I had two today:
    a note to myself; "think Scottish Vikings"
    a scribbled note in the margin with two stars next to it; "More Lesbians!"


    Anyone else have some funny lines or phrases that you just never thought you would ever write...but did?

  2. #2
    and Noumenon was his name Andrew Leon Hudson's Avatar
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    I was shedding tears over the ruin that has become of my début novel earlier, and noticed I'd made a few scribbles in the margin of an early draft that contained such lucid wisdom I actually started to cry harder.

  3. #3
    There is no tomorrow RedMage's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andrew Leon Hudson View Post
    I was shedding tears over the ruin that has become of my début novel earlier, and noticed I'd made a few scribbles in the margin of an early draft that contained such lucid wisdom I actually started to cry harder.
    I'm trying to think of things I have written but, Andrew, you now have to tell us what this wisdom was.

  4. #4
    and Noumenon was his name Andrew Leon Hudson's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, overcome with emotion, I rent the papers asunder with the thoroughness of a shredder.

    However I did just find the following, which I think was intended for the novella I self-published at the start of the month but didn't end up in it:

    "All boys play at being men, until they are men, when they forget to."

    I think there's something there, but the meaning I want doesn't feel clear enough without spelling it out more, but then it loses any hope for grace. Like:

    "All boys play at being men, until they are men, which is when they forget to play at being men, because men are nothing more than boys who forget to play at being men."

    Or, as Blur put it...
    Last edited by Andrew Leon Hudson; February 23rd, 2015 at 03:03 PM.

  5. #5
    There is no tomorrow RedMage's Avatar
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    Ich, I don't like the second one. Too spelled out and no grace, just as you said. The first, short one is pure gold.

    In fact, I have a strong desire to use it for my Halloween series. I don't know where or how, but it fits perfectly as one of the main themes for the series as a whole. Play at being a man while you are a boy and, when you are a man, continue on as if you were still a boy.

  6. #6
    and Noumenon was his name Andrew Leon Hudson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedMage View Post
    Ich, I don't like the second one. Too spelled out and no grace, just as you said. The first, short one is pure gold.
    Well, I was exaggerating a touch.

    Quote Originally Posted by RedMage View Post
    In fact, I have a strong desire to use it for my Halloween series. I don't know where or how, but it fits perfectly as one of the main themes for the series as a whole. Play at being a man while you are a boy and, when you are a man, continue on as if you were still a boy.
    This is the problem: I meant for it to say "Boys truly become men when they forget to play at being men", NOT "Boys truly become men when they forget they are playing at being men (and maybe always will)".

    Regardless, since I didn't use it*, please consider it my gift to you!



    * Here is what I ended up with (it was from the novella, Given Names):

    When we carry our collection back to the village, we find the hunters waiting. They watch as we pass, as we deposit our burdens in the large baskets outside the storage tents. They lean to each other, talking low into each other’s ears, nodding, smiling, frowning—and we straighten our backs though they ache from the harvesting, show how strong we are by carrying our full baskets with ease—even I, who am no hunter, really, but even I pretend not to see them evaluating us, try not to blush when laughter bursts out amongst them. Nor do I make fun of the hot faces of my friends as we force ourselves to talk about important things, not playing like the boys we are because we all want to be men.
    Last edited by Andrew Leon Hudson; February 23rd, 2015 at 04:53 PM.

  7. #7
    It could be worse. ~tmso Moderator N. E. White's Avatar
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    I'm an ardent atheist. When my writing skills got to a point that I really started writing from a character's perspective, I was working on a novel with a character who did believe in a god. I was amazed at the (just as ardent) belief that came out.

  8. #8
    bono malum superate
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    That is a curious turnabout, Nila. Perhaps deep thinking lent itself to deep passions?

  9. #9
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    He thought to himself.


    In most instances, the "to himself" is redundant. There's no one else to think to. But I had a character who was communicating telepathically, so I had to specify that he was keeping this thought to himself.

  10. #10
    and Noumenon was his name Andrew Leon Hudson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan Mueller View Post
    He thought to himself.


    In most instances, the "to himself" is redundant. There's no one else to think to. But I had a character who was communicating telepathically, so I had to specify that he was keeping this thought to himself.
    Great!

    (...2,3,4...)

  11. #11
    Beast on Board Luka Datas's Avatar
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    I don't have many taboos. A lot of stupid sayings can be made cool when placed in the mouths or minds of certain types of characters - especially foreign ones who tends to use older versions of slang and name their children odd older style names like Gertie or Phyllis or Beatrice

    Even so if i ever used the word dash to indicate a small amount of something it would only ever be from the mouth of a total dingbat. I hated and wanted the reader to hate, Come to think of it that word in any context really irritates me just a wee dash.

  12. #12
    bono malum superate
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    Just a dash of hate!

  13. #13
    Beast on Board Luka Datas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hobbles105 View Post
    Just a dash of hate!
    Mm Hmm. Perhaps a smidge. I'll have to dash out to the drugstore with this prescription my doctor dashed off for me on my sleigh with Dasher and Blitzen and Rudolf the red nosed Nureyev.

  14. #14
    It could be worse. ~tmso Moderator N. E. White's Avatar
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    I missed that line by Andrew. It is good. A nice one taken out of context. Sometimes, good lines don't do well on their own, you know what I mean? Or maybe there are some lines that aren't so good until taken out of context?

    @Ryan - that's a good one. I remember writing some piece like that where it was all happening in someone's head and the pronouns were getting vicious!

    @Hobbles - it taught me that belief is belief. There's no arguing with it.

  15. #15
    There is no tomorrow RedMage's Avatar
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    I have always had trouble understanding the phrase "It was all he could do to keep from..."

    I have trouble with this because it is never preceded by any action, no clapping a hand over their mouth if they are trying to keep from laughing, or biting their squeezing their fists if they are trying to refrain from hitting their antagonist. So whenever I see that I think "What was all you could do? You're not doing anything other than simply not doing X that you want to do."

    And yet, I used it last year. I don't remember where or the context, but I wrote it and immediately stopped and tried to find something else to fit the spot. I had nothing. Yet I've never sworn not to use the phrase because I hate it just a dash.

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