Discussion thread for Vacancy ~ Adventurer

[Holbrook]

Dawnstorm's idea makes sense would keep the main thread tidy. Moved my comments about Albert here.....

I'll fix it, when I get a chance. I'd love some input from Holbrook on handling the departure of Albert. Then I can edit it in.

Albert's departure is as written in the post though it can be lengthened as can his interview with the powers that be...

Back info;

Albert or Alastar as he was once known was a High Mage who made some big mistakes and nearly blew his own world apart with a war that warped time and the land itself. How this happened or rather how Albert put it right is a story I wrote. In this story the time between Albert's first mistake and his being able to put it right is 1000 years. During this time he, for his sins is the "plaything" or tool of time, fate and "the powers that be" he has to be their "man on the spot"

Now Albert got sent to Juzzza's world to deal with the Kul'Tar and the overflowing magic. Got sent a bit too early, so kicked his heels, messed around a bit, met Alice then things became personal. Though he was not against using Juzzza and anyone else to get the job done. (though the powers that be knew this) Now once the Kul'Tar has been removed Albert has to go.... But he knows Suzé will tear the heart out of this world. So he managed to get Daniel to swallow a small fragment of the Kul'Tar as a sought of ace in the hole for some one to use. He also is hanging around sharing Daniel's body for awhile.

As for what happens from here on, not too sure, but it will work out. BUT one thing I wanted to do was have Daniel trail after Bass, Juzzza, Myst, Bolder Reed and the others like a stray dog, getting under everyone's feet. Comments like, why didn't Albert take drake with him etc... Also Albert will reappear as himself at some point....

Does this help folks... please feel free to use both characters as you wish....

[Dawnstorm]

Relocated from Vacancy ~ Adventurer:

Instead of this post, there is a new installment of the story over there (won't show up as new post).

Concerning Mya: A few relevant quotes from Expendable:

"Sure, but I was always bigger than the boys in my village, and there was my father. He'd give every boy who came to our farm a crazy look then just sit at the table, sharpening his sword. And if that didn't scare them, the goblin raid on my village did. Slaying twenty-three goblins by myself made even my father nervous. Why did you think I started adventuring, anyway?"

"Alright," said a large naked woman. "Enough is enough, if someone doesn't tell me what the f**K is going on, I'm going to go beserk, and trust me... If you knew my father that is NOT what you want to happen."

Mya blinked. Did she actually just envoke her father like that?

The first part of the last quote has been originally written by Juzzza; the last line is Expendable's reaction to it.

Her relationship with her father seems to be quite complicated.

[Richardb]

I went back to post 289 and wrote in the departure of Albert. I'll edit him out in my later posts now.
As to Mya and Mik, I would assume (I just missed this one) that part of her motivation coming was to get even. I am going to have to edit a whole lot of posts to set that up better. Perhaps we can, going forward, let it come to a head and let them settle things (I don't think we want them killing each other off). I think I'll save the other fixes for the actual editing in the word doc... way to hard to change 10 or more posts in this forum. Make sense?

[Holbrook]

I went back to post 289 and wrote in the departure of Albert. I'll edit him out in my later posts now.
As to Mya and Mik, I would assume (I just missed this one) that part of her motivation coming was to get even. I am going to have to edit a whole lot of posts to set that up better. Perhaps we can, going forward, let it come to a head and let them settle things (I don't think we want them killing each other off). I think I'll save the other fixes for the actual editing in the word doc... way to hard to change 10 or more posts in this forum. Make sense?

Very much... best to make a note of where things need to changed and move on..... HE and I and in the process of editing "Map" nearly 9 months after it was written. It's hard work, but our eyes are "fresh" with regards to it.

I am not re-reading any of Vacancy ~ Adventurer until its finished then I intend to look hard at the manuscript you sent me and the rest.

[Jadziel]

Notes moved from the main thread:

#######

xhao is trying to claim the master assassin role from belaris, ideally to change the guild into more of a passive defence force and to help make a human/dark elf alliance

#######

One thing we haven't covered yet is that mik apparently knew Mya's father and injured him, resulting in his nickname half-hand.

######

I've thought a fair bit about Juzzza killing Tularis during the previous war. The idea i came up with is as follows:

1) It was a staged death in public in Derudin after Juzzza returned from the Crystal City. Juzzza agreed to stage a public confrontation, where Tularis accused him of stealing the Kul'Tar, attacked him and Juzzza killed 'Tularis' in self-defence. Tularis, Juzzza and Xhao knew about the plan. Tularis told Juzzza to escape from Derudin after the fake death and wait in Karst Hills for Dargeth and Mystiqe. Xhao would pass instructions to Mystiqe after the event.

2) From Tularis' perspective, he wanted to end the draining maintenance of the construct after 90 years. Further, he didn't want the Emperor and Belaris' Unit X37 to find out that he helped Juzzza steal the Kul'Tar. If the truth was known, Mystiqe, Dargeth and Xhao would be persecuted for their involvement in the theft and their connections to Tularis, and Belaris would take control of the Assassin Guild. Tularis intended for Juzzza, Mystiqe and Dargeth to leave Derudin, and for Xhao to take over the Assassin's Guild, keeping it out of Belaris' hands.

3) Mystiqe and Dargeth saw Juzzza 'kill' Tularis. They didn't know about the plan - Tularis thought the plan would be messed up if Dargeth knew about it, and didn't want his children implicated - he also thought it would look more realistic if their reactions were genuine. Mystiqe thought Tularis was ruthlessly/calculatedly turning on Juzzza now that the Kul'Tar was out of Derudin - sacrificing the human to preserve his own political power / avoid greater casualties.

4) After the fake death, Juzzza escaped from Derudin and went to Karst Hills to wait for Dargeth and Mystiqe. He waited for 2 months but they didn't arrive. He thought Mystiqe blamed him for her father's death and possibly began to wonder if Tularis really had died. Juzzza didn't know Tularis was a construct.

5) Before Xhao could contact Mystiqe, Mystiqe and Dargeth were apprehended by Belaris' Unit X37. They were sent to Cybarak, where Dargeth collaborated with Zalador due to his own underworld connections. Mystiqe lied in a previous conversation when saying they escaped from Derudin.

6) Belaris claimed control of the Assassin's Guild and discovered the truth about the theft of the Kul'Tar. He informed the Emperor.

7) Xhao went into hiding, tracking Mystiqe and Dargeth to Cybarak for Tularis.

I thought of writing Tularis' original death scene as a flashback - i may have done so already somewhere, will check. Probably one or two scenes would cover what happened.

Let me know if anything looks amiss or you have any ideas .

[Richardb]

There seem to be a few things to do, and I'm not sure how we will get there.

1. We need Juzzza and crew to get the emperorer to agree to support the fight against the advisor (or perhaps the assassins guild under a new leader could support the effort)

2. We need to get back and finish that fight.

I've got Boldar, Mik, Bass, Mya, and Crom parked in the underdark awaiting Juzzza's return. I could either wait for that, or have Daniel give them a message or some such and send them over to the battles against the advisor.

Since we are getting close to the end, it is getting tougher to just throw things in without risking other plot lines.

Looking for some notes on general direction so that I can set these characters into action appropriately towards some well planned conclusion.

[kahnovitch]

Haven't been around much to help out peeps, so apologies in advance.
I can see at a glance there's been a fair bit of editing to make the story more cohesive etc and there are some large blank posts etc where people may be adding/deleting.
If any posts need to be totally erased, let me know the post number etc, and I'll clean it up as requested.

[Jadziel]

We have a fair bit to do with the parallel plot strand at Catfish Walk . I've posted my notes on this part of the story below:


Scenes to include before Mystiqe leaves Catfish Walk

Firstly, there are a few scenes i need to add into the story before Mystiqe left the town. I've written these, it's just difficult fitting them into old posts in the thread *grins*. They cover:

1) Red, Jared and Mystiqe evacuating civilians and injured troops across the river
2) Tularis and Anton discussing strategy against the western army ... uncertain whether the town will be attacked again or whether the berserkers will head elsewhere (to cross the river or north to dunder)
3) Tularis, Anton and Mystiqe attempting to interrogate Saerka Sharn (we left sharn as a prisoner way back and never mentioned him again)
4) Tularis speaking to Mystiqe about his reappearance and his message for Xhao (a scene i skipped earlier)


The parallel story arc

We have a parallel story arc to bring up to date at Catfish Walk. Tularis, Red, Jared, Kahn, Alice, and Anton are at the town. The town defences have makeshift repairs. The town is more or less deserted, inhabited by the surviving karst soldiers, xa'chari assassins and cavalry. There's an uneasy alliance between the humans and dark elves.

Tularis and Anton have to cooperate despite their history - Anton has changed somewhat over the last 10 years and is different to the man who was responsible for certain atrocities in the previous war. He has a wife and daughters of his own now. Tularis has to put the past aside to work with him... but knows his own time is running out and is becoming weaker.

The troops at the town are massively outnumbered by the Advisor's southern army. The Advisor has other armies in the north of the Great Northern Kingdom. Anton thought the beserkers would be back to rescue Sharn, but Tularis demonstrated that Sharn is not in command of the western armies and knows little of their plans.

During the brief respite, Anton sends messengers to the Crystal City, Dunder, Elk, and Karston asking for reinforcements... news arrives back informing Anton that the berserkers have ransacked Dunder, burning it to the ground (Anton's wife had relatives in Dunder)... Elk has no troops to spare, given they are close to the battleline themselves... Anton already brought most the troops from Karston... the situation begins to look hopeless...

The next wave of berserkers arrive at the town to continue the attack (resulting in an epic battle). A desperate, furious defence ensues, going on in parallel while events unfold in Derudin and with the Kul'tar. I thought the construct should 'die' when sacrifice relinquishes life... so i had in mind a parallel buildup of action resulting in his 'death' when the sacrifice is made. One possibility is that Tularis makes a dual sacrifice, saving Anton's life during the defence of Catfish Walk at the cost of his own... an event that leads to closer bonds between the humans and dark elves...

The battle continues, with the turning point being the arrival of reinforcements from the crystal city and derudin... and the arrival of the main characters... possibly the reinforcements are staggered, human ones arriving first with some of the LRI, uncertainty about whether the dark elves of Derudin will form an alliance, then the arrival of dark elves...


The Future

My original idea was that the advisor is in Cybarak and that the party ultimately have to travel there to confront him, adventuring through the western ice kingdom. If this story was in book form, i'd maybe end book 1 with the epic battle against the advisor's southern army and cover the journey and adventures in the ice kingdom in a second book .


Will write more shortly, thinking about how we get there if the parallel story arc sounds ok, have to head out for a few minutes... .

[Holbrook]

Haven't been around much to help out peeps, so apologies in advance.
I can see at a glance there's been a fair bit of editing to make the story more cohesive etc and there are some large blank posts etc where people may be adding/deleting.
If any posts need to be totally erased, let me know the post number etc, and I'll clean it up as requested.

Will do, mine are not beingf re-written just removed notes that have gone on here....

[Dawnstorm]

1. Don't know how to resolve the "Shadow hunters"-thingy. I've thought about letting it be, and simply cutting it from the final version, but that could prove tricky. It's kind of spread tentacles throughout the story, without being central. (While the destruction of the Kult'ar is quite an important feat, the real problem is Suzé, as she can just make another one, in the millenia to follow, so the godess whose name escapes me would want to get rid of the root of the problem.)

2. I've been thinking a lot about the relationship between the Advisor and Suzé. When he first appeared, I immediately thought, hey, that's just like Suzé's alter ego. I've even written something along these lines, but edited that out later, as it didn't make much sense.

As it is, the Advisor does seem to be like Suzé's reverse. A creature of twisted magic, he's bound on killing, raising an undead army... that kind of thing. Magic's revenge on life. Suzé is just the other way round, hating magic, continually looking for ways to destroy it once and for all. I think it would make sense to have them oppose each other. Kind of like a surprise ally, though a dangerous one (she does have her own cult, and is quite capable of raising an army).

They balance each other out nicely. Could have one-on-one showdown, with Albert taking care of the victor. Thinking...

3. Quinot's an intriguing character. A child, but with both magical and telepathical abilities. (We could have Bass & Co wait for Juzzza's return, and build up Quinot. He does need special supervision, lest blows a nanny away because he can't have what he wants. )

===

Parallel story arc sounds fine.

[Richardb]

Interesting thoughts. First of all, as to a second book with the Advisor living in in an Ice kingdom... it just so happens that the may I produced is part of a larger map that includes a far northern ice waste about equal distant above hull city as Crystal city was. Would fit in nicely! I'd love to figure out a second book someday with all you great folks!

I am staying out of the Advisor story for now, as I took no part in it up till now. I think I am going to have Daniel send Boldar and group off on a side quest, or just a journey towards Catfish walk area. Figure that they can work with Quinot on the way, and perhaps discover Daniel's little secret about the small part of the Kult'ar he has hidden.

Then the others will be transported by magical agency of some sort (elven portal magic anyone?) and arrive ahead or about the same time as Boldar and crew, assuming that they can wrap up negotiations and activities in Derudin. I'll start working on that part over the next few nights. I think that the stuff that the rest of you are working on has most the complexity and details... so just ask if you need anything writen.

Just for fun, if I remember, I'll edit the map and post it on my MSN group in the next night or two.

[juzzza]

AHAH!!!

Now Jadziel's response makes more sense ha ha ha, I never even knew this place existed!!! No wonder my little twist caused a bit of a stir to say the least.

As you all seem to have things worked out, I will gladly remove my ending and let you continue as you will.

Cheers

JTXXX

PS Below is my ending, I have removed it from the thread.

[juzzza]

Juzzza felt Xhao stiffen and the Rogue gripped his arm tighter around the elf's waist. He looked at the elf's eyes, which were wide. A single tear traced its way down his ebony cheek and then his eyes rolled and his legs gave way.

"Xhao?" said Juzzza and then he saw the hilt of the dagger, which was buried deep into the base of the elf's skull. The Rogue whipped round and drew his blade. He searched for the assassin looking left and right, he looked down at the still form of Xcel, where had the blade come from? The only person standing within range was... Myst.

Juzzza stepped forward, lowering his blade. He shook his head, not wishing to believe what he knew to be true. He waved a hand over the body of Xhao and tried to mouth a question but no words came to him. Myst looked crestfallen, almost heartbroken and she wiped tears from her cheeks. Without a word between them there was chilling recognition.

Juzzza fell to his knees, his sword falling from his hand, tears now falling freely. For the first time, one of them spoke, it was Myst.

"Juz... I... Forgive me," she said keeping her distance.

"Why?" was all the Rogue could manage.

"Humans. Our people will never be free Juz, I can't allow an alliance... My family, Dargeth... I am so sorry but my love for one can not outweigh my hatred for all... Forgive me my love and understand that this is the ultimate sacrifice that I could ever make I... Love you more than life itself and what I do now means that I can have no life because without you I... Am nothing."

Myst drew another throwing blade from its scabbard and raised it past her ear. The Rogue simply watched, spreading his arms wide and sobbing once before the blade buried deep into his sternum.

The crowd had swelled, watching the spectacle and on the dais, the lone assassin turned to face her people and paused once to blow a bitter kiss at the fallen human.

The war was about to commence.

*****

The drake fell from the air with a thump, without a word. The LRI stopped in their tracks and watched with a blend of fascination and fear as the white, scaled, belly of the creature began to bubble and pulsate.

Quinot dropped the lamp and was about to run to the creature's aid when Bass placed a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder keeping him by his side.

Boldar looked at Mya and shrugged.

"It's that purple fungus I'll bet, serves him right for making me eat the blasted stuff... I was shitting through the eye of a needle for days!!!"

Daniel's form stretched and crunched three times until the drake was the size of a large bull. The drake retched, crawling forward on his belly. Retching once again with a 'bleurgh!' a man fell to the floor of the dimly lit cavern.

Standing, the man held out a hand towards the drake and burping, Daniel spat out a large brimmed hat.

Albert dusted himself down and turned to face his companions who were wide-eyed, astonished and a little disgusted.

"Mik," said Crom. "Remind me not to eat old man with hat."

"Daniel," said Albert to the drake, who was beginning to shrink back to his original size. "Hand it over... Now."

"But the powers that be will..." the drake was cut short.

"NOW," repeated Albert, his eyes sparkling with menace.

The drake sucked in some air, belched and spat out a chunk of what looked like purple mother-of-pearl.

"The Kult'ar," gasped Bass.

Albert scooped up the item and buried it deep into his pocket.

"Bloody people, it's always the bloody people. We worry about powerful items, which can destroy worlds and the problem is never with the bloody item at all, it's the bloody people."

"What is going on?" asked Mya.

Albert turned to face her then without answering he paced towards Quinot who cowered behind Bass's legs.

"Come Quinot, it's time to use those powers of yours," said Albert holding out his hand.

"Leave him be mage," warned Bass.

Albert growled and a blue light blasted Bass from his feet, sending the old man crashing into the cavern wall.

Boldar drew his sword and howling, he ran towards the Hat Man. In one smooth motion, Albert drew his basket-hilted blade, parried the viscous strike and punched the giant in the jaw, dropping the big man like a sack of potatoes.

Mik and Crom came upon the Mage together, the Ogre swinging a spiked mace and Mik his broadsword.

The blast of light was blinding and when Quinot peered from beneath his fingers, the only figure still standing and conscious apart from himself, was the man in the hat.

"Daniel, Quinot, come... It's time I collected my son and addressed the balance on this soon-to-be elf-less planet."

*****

"With or without the Kult'ar, we can remove the human threat from our world and the drow can rule above and below ground... I have seen the sun and I felt its warmth upon my face, a warmth wasted on the pale complexion of man. Our Emperor can lead us to victory and as the only surviving heir to the Yassassin's rule of the assassin's guild, I promise that as a people we..."

An explosion sent screaming elves high into the air, parting the crowd and silencing Myst's speech.

The Hat Man walked casually through the crowd towards the dais, at his heels riding the drake side-saddle, was Quinot. the boy stared at the dark faces and he wondered why no one attacked them. He reached out with his power and read the minds of those he passed. Some wanted war, some simply wanted to return to their homes to kiss their children and tend to their business.

Quinot looked up at the Hat Man and hesitated before reaching beneath the hat with his powers. He screamed and almost fell from Daniel's back, the power contained within the mind of the mage was staggering and the boy pouted as Albert chuckled.

"One day boy, one day... But right now, keep your nose out of my business," said Albert as he approached the assassin.

Myst drew her sword and the blade rippled with power. Albert gestured with his hand and the steel screeched and looped into itself, creating a mockery of a blade, which resembled a bow of dark steel. Myst dropped the ruined weapon and reached for dagger.

The Hat Man stepped onto the stage and slapped her hard with the back of his hand, she fell to her knees and held a hand up to her swelling cheek. Quinot winced, he didn't like the Hat Man hitting the woman.

The boy reached forward with his power and entered the mind of the elf. Inside, hatred, confusion, passion and regret raged like molten lava. The woman was broken, her mind fragmented like a shattered mirror. Quinot saw flashes of memories, felt the pain and torment and the under-current of hatred and blame for humans.

Quinot snapped back to reality when Albert broke the silence. The Hat Man turned to face the crowd.

"Your mages created the Kult'ar to eradicate the human race from this world, every man, woman and child. Genocide to win a war over greed. Nature has a way of scuppering such plans, such is the way of the universe. I carry the guilt of destroying worlds, I have done so on a number of occassions. Now I must destroy a race, to save this world but you should know, not that it matters I am sure, that I find no pleasure in doing so and I will mourn for you all as I mourn for others who have perished as a result of my actions."

The Hat Man turned away from the crowd and beckoned for Quinot to step up onto the dais. The boy did as he was told and kneeling before the boy, Albert placed something into his hand.

"Now Quinot, I want you to reach forward with your power for a moment, I am going to ask you to do something for me, don't be scared, it will only take a moment."

For a few seconds, Derudin was silent. The small boy gasped and from his open mouth, a purple light flooded forward, gaining in size until with a boom, a blast rippled from the boy, sweeping across the crowd, across Derudin, through the caverns and across the world like an ocean.

Myst looked up and sobbed. The square was littered with the lifeless bodies of her people.

"What have you done?" she asked, tears streaking down her face.

Albert ignored her and walked over to Juzzza's body.

"Daniel, take him you know where." The drake grumbled, doubled in size and carefully lifted the Rogue between his teeth and with a pop, vanished.

The Hat Man crouched before Quinot and smiled.

"You did well boy, soon I will take you back to Bass, who will watch over you as you develop your powers." The mage turned to Myst and walked over to stand above the elf.

"You are probably wondering why you still exist, whwn the rest of your race has perished?" he said.

Myst did not answer.

"You are cursed with being the last of your kind and worse for you I am sure, you carry in your belly the first of a new race, a half-breed. Your own blood merged with that of the race you hate so passionately... And when you look into the blue eyes of your son, you will see his father, the man you loved and murdered. It is the child, which saved you from the power of the Kult'ar. Within your womb you carry human blood and human flesh, the son of the Rogue and far more importantly, the Grandson of the Hat Man. He will become a powerful mage and one day will unite worlds, or destroy them. Congratulations." Albert scowled then walked away from her.

Quinot whimpered when the Elf screamed, he watched as she reached for the blade, lifted it above her belly and tried to drive the blade into herself. A light flashed and the blade shattered into shards. Albert turned back to face her.

"The child will not allow you to harm yourself Myst, now we have two things in common you and I. We both loved the Rogue and we must both live with our guilt for the things we have done."

[Richardb]

Understanding there are sensitivities... it is a solid ending. It has a certain punch to it as written, and a bit of irony, which I always appreciate.

There is another post about the story in the music that Holbrook started. I have been writing a piece called 'the Wedding of Boldar and Mya'. It was sort of a comedic after piece to this story, bounded by the Beattles song All you Need is Love. I should have it up in a few days. Nice homage to the characters in the story.

It's been fun folks.

[Jadziel]

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