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  1. #736
    Keeper of the Hikari Radthorne's Avatar
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    Hol and HE: a marvelous story! Full of texture and sensation. It certainly takes the idea of the sensory experience and plays quite strongly with it. You must have had some serious competition in the contest for The Dance not to have come out on top.

    On the illustrative front there are a number of things I could try here, but the key thing needed, unfortunately, is a set of antlers, as that is central to the story premise. I haven't been able to find any antler models as yet, but I'm still hunting (so to speak). If I can track some down, then I think we might be able to have something here.

    In the meantime, I will continue to peruse HE's offerings and see if something in that vast store of imagination sparks a thought or two.

  2. #737
    Edited for submission Holbrook's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hereford Eye
    Ahem! In the U.S. that's "wow!!" .
    That's a silent "H"

    Rad:
    Hol and HE: a marvelous story! Full of texture and sensation. It certainly takes the idea of the sensory experience and plays quite strongly with it. You must have had some serious competition in the contest for The Dance not to have come out on top.
    Thanks for the kind words. It was written over a weekend, firing emails back and forth.

    It got rejected a couple of times by various mags as well. One comment I remember was that when it worked it worked well, when it didn't it ruined the story?? *sigh*

  3. #738
    Fulgurous Moderator KatG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hereford Eye
    You all will remember the ancient bromide that travel broadens one's perspective. Here we have an excellent example: Katherine the Great returns from her travels with a broadened perspective on doddering old men and immediately recognizes the incoherency of their keyboard soliloquys.
    You know she's been traveling. The Radical Thorn titles one endeavor Couple on Vacation and her Greatness pounces on the missing purse knowing full well that any woman on vacation carries a purse that weighs over 25 pounds and contains half the medicine cabinet, half the vanity, two thirds of all the travel maps ever printed, and a six pack of bottled water.
    Exactly. In fact, it should be purse and totebag. And the guy should have some sort of digital camera equipment, and possibly a bottle of water handy. If he's going to wear that shirt, he might as well be a proper tourist.

    Knowing HE and Holbrook's writing, I would be forced to say that those magazine editors were all wet.

  4. #739
    Keeper of the Hikari Radthorne's Avatar
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    I couldn't find all the parts I'd like of a decent quality, so this will have to do...

    This isn't a specific scene from the story, but inspired by the ending. I call it, "The End of the Dance."


  5. #740
    Just Another Philistine Hereford Eye's Avatar
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    Nicely done, Rad. You said you aren't satisfied with it so from the story's POV, quibbles/enhancements follow:
    The Hart needs to be bigger; able to look the old guy in the eye if he was standing.
    The old guy's beard needs to be as white as his hair. The Hart's texture could be more bedraggled with some glimmerings of grey here and there, maybe a few traces of the scars he collected in his last battle.
    Suggest zomming in for closeup so that old guy and hart are the focus of the picture. The wagon is really cool but not essential to the scene. If all you get are the steps and part of the door, that will suffice.

    The thought passing between the two ought to be the old guy's last line in the story: "It was a very good dance." Their time came and passed, just as it ought to.

  6. #741
    Keeper of the Hikari Radthorne's Avatar
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    Yeah, the Hart is part of the problem. This is only a default texture that came with the model, and is basically a "monochrome finish." The only real fur textures I can find for the guy are in a package that costs about $22 (the set does come with a lot of neat antlers, though). So I hesitate to zoom in much closer as I think he won't "show" well.

    I should be able to mess with the beard, though.

  7. #742
    Fulgurous Moderator KatG's Avatar
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    Pretty. And intriguing.

    It would be great if the deer could be made a bit more realistic, but if you can't you can't.

    From a composition standpoint, HE, I disagree on zooming in on the man and hart. The wagon and the forest background make the picture, in my opinion. It would not be as visually interesting if the shot was mainly the two figures.

  8. #743
    Just Another Philistine Hereford Eye's Avatar
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    Well, your Greatness, ma'am, I have two kinds of problems with the picture.
    (1) If we accept it at face value with no reference to the story - which you have been unpolitely forced to do - then my question is: where is the eye drawn? I think it is drawn first to the sun beam and then to the wagon. The figures become almost "oh, yeah, there are figures in the picture" kind of thing. Then, you get to wondering why they are there. If they are nothing but after thoughts, if the focus is supposed to go to the wagon and the sunbeam, what's up with that?
    (2) The thought that I saw in the drawing from the story's POV is the relationship between the old guy and the Hart. When that is the focus, the wagon and the sunbeam ought ot be subordinated to the figures, thus the zoming in.

    Our lack of manners stems from protecting the rights to the story. We don't want to post in the Community Section for publication reasons; someone may buy it yet, particularly if the Radical Thorn can illustrate it. We're perfectly willing to e-mail work to you as we did with the Radical One.

  9. #744
    I AM too a mod! Moderator Rocket Sheep's Avatar
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    I wanna know why he isn't all straggly and rag tag with missing teeth like gypsies are supposed to be and why the wagon isn't all beat up from all those communities that use to throw things at gypsey wagons to make them move along. It's too perfect. I think he stole that wagon off some real gypsies and painted it up to put it in the back yard of his mansion next to his plastic deer.

  10. #745
    Keeper of the Hikari Radthorne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket Sheep
    I wanna know why he isn't all straggly and rag tag with missing teeth like gypsies are supposed to be and why the wagon isn't all beat up from all those communities that use to throw things at gypsey wagons to make them move along. It's too perfect. I think he stole that wagon off some real gypsies and painted it up to put it in the back yard of his mansion next to his plastic deer.
    Okay, so is there a way to "un-register" some of those opinions?

    Just kidding, Sheepie...

  11. #746
    I AM too a mod! Moderator Rocket Sheep's Avatar
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    You know me and romantic notions... I'm always looking for the real dirt.

    I just think gypsies have been subject to too many romantic notions and I stand up for the right of gypsies to look like displaced persons who can't afford proper dentistry. Sometimes I get a little carried away making my point.

  12. #747
    Just Another Philistine Hereford Eye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket Sheep
    I wanna know why he isn't all straggly and rag tag with missing teeth
    Lessons Learned #5,269: Never, ever buy the Sheep more than one glass of Shiraz; it will always come back to haunt you.
    Hey, I combed my hair that day - what's left of it - and is it my fault your weather people decided on a freshening breeze? And I tried to smile with my lips closed.

  13. #748
    Keeper of the Hikari Radthorne's Avatar
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    On the subject of the picture composition (if I might deviate away from the topic of personal hygiene for a brief moment) I think, HE, another way to consider the image is in terms of overall effect; i.e., combine one of your points with one of KatG's. You noted where the eye is initially drawn, which is to the bright area first, the sun in the forest, and thence via the angle of the light over to the wagon. Only then do you tend to scan down to the figures, which as you noted are only a portion of the scene. To my thinking, this smaller scale for them emphasizes where they've ended up in the larger scheme of things vis-a-vis the story itself; they used to be the big cheese, but their time has passed and now they are no longer "the main subject," as it were. So in that sense the composition reflects their ending state better than if they were front and center and the focus of attention.

  14. #749
    Just Another Philistine Hereford Eye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radthorne
    this smaller scale for them emphasizes where they've ended up in the larger scheme of things..
    The story is a cycle of life yarn. They ended up at the end of the cycle. So, you're protraying that aspect?

  15. #750
    Keeper of the Hikari Radthorne's Avatar
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    Yes, that was my intention. Their posture, and the melancholy colors, were intended to reflect their ending state. I know that story actually ends not in the forest where they started but at the manor, but the lonely aspect of the two elderly protaginists coming together back in the forest is the imagery that came to me. Hence the title, The End of the Dance.

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