new short story

[wolfgang]

Hi everyone,

My short story Day Dream has been submitted to the workshop, and I would appreciate feedback and opinions on the story. If you have one up as well, I will get to it and read it.

Thanks, and best Regards,

Aaron

[KATS]

Well, since no one else is chiming in I guess I will. I thought it was a great improvement over The Last Mage. I assume that this story is NOT a short story. Especially since there didn’t seem to be an ending and you specified the chapters. The only real problem I have with it is a small one. Your main character is eight years old. That seems awful young for the things he was doing and his attitude. Children can grow up fast if the situation requires it, but still. I could swear that there was a study or something about why we teach material at certain ages. In other words there is a reason we don’t teach physics to grade school kids. But honestly this is just me being picky. I’ve read stories and seen shows where kids are doing unrealistic things.

I saw a documentary recently you might be interested in. It was about WWII, specifically the propaganda Germany used on the school children before and during the war. It seemed to me that was the direction you were going with this story, though I could be wrong.

PS One of these days I’ll actually get around to putting one of my stories up.

[wynnyelle]

yeah kats...i've been reading your advice on these boards for some time now and by the look of it you know what you're doing. I'd like to get a chance to read your stuff.

[lior]

Hi Aaron, I read your story (well actually the beginning of one as I understand) So it can't be judged as one with a closure, It has an intresting premise and intriguing setting, it reminded me a little of "Ender's game", were you influenced by this book? now, it seems that the 8 year old protagonist is quite articulate and too smart for his age, but I don't know, maybe there is a good explanation for that ahead in the story, your writing technique and syntax are good, though.

[wolfgang]

Thanks everyone for reading the story and taking time to give me comments. I appreciate it, and onve again, if you have any submissions up I will be more than happy to look at them.

[Lady_Linda]

Small question:
Where do you find the workshop? :0)

~Linda~

[wolfgang]

The workshop is a science fiction and fantasy one that I'm on. It's address is http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com .

It's very good, and I recommend it highly.

[Lady_Linda]

Ok.

Thanks :0)

~L~

[Franis]

the site seems to have been changed to this link: http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/

how much does it cost to stay joined up once they give you the free ride? I like the way it's organized to encourage help from other writers in exchange for help with your own writing.

I'm a newbie here, so please somebody clue me in about how to find people's stories that may be posted here if their user names are different. duh, I feel like I should know this already... I've got mine posted here under "other" in short stories, 3/2/2001

franis e

[wolfgang]

The name was changed just after I posted that reply, so that's why it changed. Sorry.

You can find the short stories by the navigation butons on the left of your screen as you enter the home page. Look for short stories and then the rest will be self-explanatory.

What's the name of your story so I can read it?

-Aaron

[Erebus]

Well, since you were asking about stories on SFF, I have one, "Ghost of Elysium", which should show up any day now, I hope! It may be listed under the Horror section once Dag gets round to uploading it. A synopsis and extract of my first published Novella, "Reflections", will also be posted here soon. In the meantime, you can check out my stuff here: www.wn.com.au/clubclad/erebus/

There's even a couple of freebies to get from the Download page!

P.S. Aaron, I have just read both your stories. Worlds apart, aren't they? It shows you have a diverse style. I guess I too picked up on the apparent over-maturity of your main character in Day Dream, and it's a shame the story wasn't concluded. However, it was certainly shaping up to be interesting and your style of writing appeared okay as well. My only concern was that sometimes I was confused with who was supposed to be talking in your dialog sections, and at times it seemed a little clumsy. But maybe that's just me!

Cheers, and keep up the good work!
Neil



[This message has been edited by erebus (edited March 07, 2001).]

[wolfgang]

It's almost finished, I just posted the first two chapters. The rest will come in later, but not before I hopefully get some revisions of the first submission of Day Dream up. After I finish it and some other short stories I'm going back to novel mode, and hopefully someday you'll see it on a book shelf in Barnes and Noble.

I'll be looking for your submission. Looking forward to it.

BTW, thanks Dag for putting Day Dream up. I never got to mention that to you.

- Aaron Wolfe


[This message has been edited by wolfgang (edited March 08, 2001).]

[Erebus]

Thanks, Aaron - I hope we both end up with many books on the shelves at Barnes and Noble!

My stuff still hasn't surfaced at SFF BTW, so I guess Dag must be pretty busy. Good luck with your writing.

Cheers,
Neil

[Gotenks_32288]

Overall I liked your story, but the main character is way too young! I did, however, think that it had a good storyline, but the main character is too young.

[wolfgang]

Thanks for your input and taking the time to read my story. As always, if you tell me the name of your submission I will be more than happy to read it and give you feedback ( if you want it that is ).

-Aaron