finally submitted a short story feedback appreciated

[bir]

This is my first story and my first time to submit here I would please like a feedback on Words of a Dragon
It's not really fantasy so it may be a disappointment to some but I just wanted to try get a few feedbacks
TNX

[wynnyelle]

As soon as I saw a new dragon story on the list I had to click it, I love dragons. What I liked about this story was that it said what it needed to say to be understood. You presented the story in a simple and straightforward style, explaining things as needed, and I was able to read it straight through without puzzling over things or having to reread parts or just coming out of the reading experience confused. Good beginning, middle and end.

You said you wanted feedback, so I'll do my best here. (Spoilers here for anyone who hasn't read it!)

When the boy ran out of the house, a part of my brain wanted to know why his parents didn't take off after him, grab him and try to calm him down, especially his mother who would probably want to talk to him about what he'd just overheard. The story does state that they went looking for him, but why wait till he's out of sight? Especially when there are so many dangerous cliffs around.
Other than that, not much to object to. You might have wanted to write out the dialogue when the boy tells his parents about the dragon and his father tells him to go to his room. It's a powerful part of the story and an excellent point for characterization, especially of the parents.

[bir]

hi
tnx for ur reply i could imagine ur disappointment when there was not much about the dragons
Tnx for ur feedback
I guess it's right and I took note of it but I dont plan on revising it since I changed it a lot already
This is my first short story and its really short hehe
the first draft I had was 1100 words only
sigh
Well I really appreciated ur comments
tnx!!!

[bir]

any1 else? pls
was d story too predictable?
I know its short =)

[KATS]

Bir, what is the point of giving you feedback if you have no intention of revising the story? And what does the fact that you’ve already made a lot of changes have to do with further revisions? Unless you are giving up on the story?

[wynnyelle]

Nah, I wasn't disappointed, dragons aren't the only reason I read stories! You know you could really improve your story with only a little bit of changing! Then again if you've changed your mind about working on it, I guess our feedback can give you a better start on your next writing project, so you know what to work on.

[bir]

actually what wynnyelle said
does it mean that when an author publishes a book he cant get anymore feedback?
he cant change the book anymore unless he decides to revise it

[KATS]

Bir, I guess I just don’t understand how you can say that you refuse to make any changes because you’ve already made a lot of changes. I don’t understand how you can see how your story can be improved and agree that those changes will make the story better, yet refuse to put forth the effort. It makes me wonder how seriously you take writing. And that makes me reluctant to give any "feedback". As an artist I strive to make my work the very best it can be. If that means revising a story a hundred times, then so be it. If you want to archive your story, so be it, but why post it if that was your intention?

Quite honestly, I didn’t like your response to Wynnyelle’s suggestions. It sounded like you dismissed the suggestions completely. Perhaps you were expecting nothing but praise? Perhaps I misread your tone? Your posts here have been rather cryptic so I imagine I’m just missing your intention. At any rate, good luck with your future stories.

[bir]

look im 16? how serious do u want me to be?
i actually loved wynnyelle suggestion
i wanted to make the story as realistic as possible so when wynnyelle asked y didnt the parents stop d boy? i asked myself too y didnt they?
and about writing a dialogue when the parents got mad that was better than the first suggestion
I owe u a lot wynnyelle
thanx for commenting
look im sorry if u felt whatever u felt but i dont think u hav the right to judge me
this is the first short story i wrote and must have revised it a hundred times already
u should hav seen my first draft
u really discourage me on writing u know that i hope u never post this thread again u know how happy i feel when i see an email that somebody posted on this thread and to see a bad criticism which is not even true and related to the STORY!!!!!!!
im sorry if im not as good as a writer and will never be as good as u just wanted to know u make me sick
well u won u can really give feedbacks on ppl who just started to write i hope u give better feedbacks to other ppl
!!!!

[Umesha Chalanie]

Guys, look, everyone has different ideas and views on everything...some people are more relaxed and laid back, while others are more uptight and organised. Just relax; one person's way of writing might not (probably not) work for another. Advice is good, but it is up to the person themselves to decide to take it or leave it. And making the advice insults totally defeats the purpose of them in the first place.

And sorry, sorry, SORRY if I make anymore enemies in here already (I've got enough already!), so please don't take any offense or anything.

(Sorry.)

[Rob B]

COOL OFF PEOPLE!!

Bir: your post (starting with look im 16?was a little out of hand. If you have a personal issue with what somebody posted, email them. However, You DID open yourself up to the criticisms by asking for feedback. Granted KATS could have worded things a little less 'harsh' or more positively, but there is truth to some of what she said. The way you worded your response was that you basically ignored the comments, "Yes thats a good idea but I'm not going to incorporate it" It is kind of self-defeating (to yourself) and a dis-service to the people who take the time to read your story and respond to it; to ask for advice and feedback and more or less ignore it. Or you could have said that they were good suggestions, I will consider that in my next story (if you want to leave the story as is)

KATS (and everybody else for that matter) A positive spin can always be used when issuing harsh criticisms. Check the member profile before you reply directly to somebody in the forum and realize to whom you are directing your comments.

You can be 16 and still be serious, or not that's your choice. But,you [Bir] posted a story here and asked for feedback, that sounds pretty serious, to me. If you have revised it a hundred times already, what is one more re-write going to hurt?

Umesha-stop doing my job!! (JUST KIDDING ) thanks!

EVERYBODY-REREAD YOUR POST BEFORE YOU HIT SUBMIT.

Just trying to do my job here as moderator. Email me personally if you would like to address anything else.

[KATS]

Bir, I hope that you do continue to read this thread. When we post to these boards (or any board for that matter) the reader can not see your expressions or hear your inflections (just like in a story). This is especially true if your responses are written in hast and/or while you have high emotions. It is hard to determine the intend of posts. I already admitted that I may have had the wrong idea. I was asking for clarification on your intent. I really don’t understand why my honest and sincere questions evoked the response you gave. Perhaps I’m just getting to old to remember what it was like to be 16? I don’t mean to lecture, but perhaps you did not realize this before hand.

On the other hand and on a more personal note, what does my opinion matter? There are going to be people and editors that do not like your stories. I refused (and still do) to even read one of Marion Zimmer Bradley’s books because of what one of her editor said to me when I submitted a story to her magazine. If you do pursue writing, you will get much worse criticisms than mine, MUCH WORSE. It simply comes with the territory, regardless of how good you write. You just have to develop a thick skin and learn to take advice/comments that will help you and disregard advice/comments that does not apply to you.

As far as how “serious” you take writing, I don’t think I phrased that very well. What I meant was artistically, not wether you wanted to get published. There are many people who write because it pays the bills. I write because I have to. It is a way of expressing myself and I do take it very seriously. I always have, even when I was 16. I push myself very hard and I expect the same from others. Sometimes I suppose I expect too much. My apologies.

And for the record, I never said you were not a good writer. I did read the story. You have a talent for writing. How good you will eventually get is entirely up to you. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Umesha, so I’m uptight, eh? I’m also a b**** sometimes, but I guess you figured that out already. (I am just trying to lighten the mood, see the smiley face?, so please don’t think I’m snapping at you.)

FiztFlagg, I understand and apologize. I have a problem with saying what I think and I forget that sometimes it’s not necessary. I did not intend to evoke such emotions. Perhaps I should have e-mailed from the start or perhaps even this should have been e-mailed.

[wynnyelle]

wow yeah.

Bir, all I meant by my post was that when an author publishes a book, the feedback he/she gets can certainly be applied to the author's future works. I assume that's why authors want to hear what their readers really think of their finished work even though they don't intend to change it, so they can serve out something even better next time.

As for being 16, I've been serious about what I write ever since I started writing--about 12 or 13. Revising something a hundred or so times definitely means you take it seriously. Congratulate yourself. Many writers don't get past writing the first draft.

[Pluvious]

I can certainly see why someone would want to get some feedback on their first story, even if they didn't intend to rewrite it any further. There does come a time when you just want to move on to another story and would simply like to see what others think about what you have done-especially if you are still young and not into writing for money just yet.

I'm not sure why the criticism of Bir. It seems very unfounded and unnecessary. And anyway, I'm fairly certain most people who post stories on this or another site do it to get some praise, rather than a critique. That may not be what they most need, but they need to figure that out for themselves.