The General and the City Guard

[sarah coats]

Hi,
I posted a short story excerpted from a book I am writing and was wondering if anyone has any comments? Please? Thanks all.

[Erebus]

Hi Sarah,

Well, it's certainly an interesting few pages, and I guess the start of a much longer tale?

I enjoyed the fight scenes which you described quite well, although I was a little confused with Gorum's pose changes. Were these real or metaphoric? My only other suggestion would be to re check your use of "of" and "off", "there" and "their", but most significantly, "its" and "it's"! You only need the apostrophe when you are saying "it is", a lesson I have had burnt into my brain from a host of readers!

Hope this helps, and good luck with the rest of the story.

I'll have a short story, "Ghost of Elysium" posted soon, (It's here now, BTW!) and there's already an extract from my first published novel,"Reflections", posted here.

Let me know what you think if have time to read them.

Regards, Neil

[This message has been edited by erebus (edited March 18, 2001).]