Submitted by atticus_punk@hotmail.com 
(May 26, 2004)Who let the cat out of the hat?
And Why?
No, seriously, why?
By Sarah Bourouphael
Title: The Cat in the Hat
Running Time: 1hr 24 min
Main Actors/Actresses: Mike Myers, Sean Hayes, Spencer Breslin, Dakota Fanning
Director: Bo Welch
Rating: PG
Release Date: 27th November 2003
Who needs turkey on Thanksgiving when you could have cat? This Thanksgiving (2003), from award winning director Bo Welch, came a film version of Dr. Seuss’ ‘The Cat in the Hat.’ The film is bejeweled with the likes of such stars as Mike Myers (Cat) and Sean Hayes (Mr. Humberfloob and the fish), as well as blossoming young talents like Spencer Breslin (Conrad) and Dakota Fanning (Sally). Too bad even these glistening stars couldn’t bring a little bit of their glitter and shine to the project.
Although titled after the infamous Dr. Seuss classic, the film’s storyline was no where in the vicinity of capturing the true essence of the actual story. The whole plot of the film is confused. A number of different problems arise in the film. Sally and Conrad have personality defects and are hated by the scum-bag neighbor (Alec Baldwin) who is out to fetch their mother for his wife. Another issue arises when mom has a benefit dinner crisis. And yet another problem occurs when the mystical contents of Cat’s big red box escape and consume the community. The many problems worked into the film are disconnected from one another and cause the film to feel disjointed. Basically, the story goes as follows: the children drive the mother and neighbor insane, the mother drives her boss insane and predictably the Cat drives the kids insane. Consequently, after sitting through scene after scene of cinema drabble I wasn’t feel ‘all there’ myself.
Just about the only thing the film has going for it is the set, in a word; amazing. Watching Dr. Seuss cartoons as a child was a highlight for me and being able to see all the fantasy foliage, architecture and culture in this film was brilliant. The crew created an authentic Dr. Seuss world that any audience would find captivating as well as inviting. Hilariously, every home looked the same and every family owned a Ford Focus, a yellow or orange Ford Focus. The trees were winding and spiraled in all directions, but they were real, not cartoons. It was almost as if they picked the minds of Seuss lovers everywhere and brought their thoughts to life.
The casting was decent, but the acting not so much. Mike Myers makes a great Austin Powers or Fat Bastard, but certainly not a great kid’s film character. Myers massacred the very essence of the film with crude humor and sexual reference. For example, the skit where Cat holds a soiled gardening hoe in a yard and proceeds to call it a ‘dirty ho’ and follows up with an apology to the hoe somewhere along the lines of ‘oh baby, you know I love you.’ He even goes so far as to kiss the gardening tool. Earlier in the film Myers’s character examines a picture of Conrad and Sally’s mother, which he lifts and extends into a magazine centerfold. What implication does this have? Not a lot until Cat’s hat springs upward, rather reminiscent of an erection. What parent in their right mind would want their child exposed to such a thing? Plus, children have no comprehension of what serial arson is anyway! Besides this, the acting quality Myers put forth was, for lack of a better word, flakey.
The two youngsters on set did a significantly better job compared to Myers. Fanning made a perfect Sally, acting the goody-two-shoes from the Seuss story to a T. By far the best acting seen in the film was done by none other than Sean Hayes himself. The fish drew out laughter with all hilarious monologues. Hayes character went on tangents of conformity and cleanliness as if he were Monica Gellar of the TV sitcom Friends. Hayes performance brought laughs into what otherwise would have been a silent theater.
My own personal rating for this film is 1.5 out of 10. Possibly, if I were a deaf, blind and utterly stupid three year old I may have thought the film was the best thing since sliced bread. Fortunately for me, I have sense enough to realize how this film is an abomination to all that is sacred and holy. The plot left me, as a viewer, confused. The acting left me utterly astonished and not in a good way. Moreover, the humor was distasteful and crude and I only sat through it because I thought my boyfriend liked it. In the end we discovered that we both hated it. So in conclusion, The Cat in the Hat wasted 84 precious minutes of my life that I could have spent ripping each and every one of my fingernails off with a spoon. That would have been considerably more fun.
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(13 ratings)