In Igor Ljubuncic’s latest fantasy tale, The Amazing Adventures of Dashing Prince Dietrich, we are treated (or maybe ‘tortured’ is more apt) to a truly grimdark experience. We also are in for loads of laughs. At least, I, for one, found our dashing (he is anything but dashing) prince to be hilarious, even if he was an intolerable boor.
But I’m getting ahead of myself, as always. Allow me to summarize this crazy story as best I can.
Prince Dietrich’s father, King Ulaf, has arranged for the prince to marry the Duchess Amadea of Sacony, a neighboring kingdom. But, of course, the prince doesn’t want anything to do with marrying the duchess. He’s more interested in…other sorts of questionable pleasures. But his father gives him an ultimatum: Marry the duchess or suffer exile in the desert. The prince is entirely self-centered and has no intention of following through, but he goes along on the journey with his cousin and faithful valet in tow. With them, they take an amoured entourage and servants befitting the prince’s station.
All goes well (meaning, the prince doesn’t do anything stupid) until they get to the first brothel on the journey in the city-state of Enissia. Unbeknownst to the prince and his liquor-challenged cousin, the Lord First Citizen Vincezo’s (the ruler of Enissia) daughter just so happens to be spending a titillating evening in the brothel on the same night Prince Dietrich (or Dick, as everyone calls him for obvious reasons) and his entourage show up. This is the eve of her own arranged marriage. She’s just after a little innocent adventure, but once Dick’s cousin gets in trouble with the locals over some not-so-sly cheating during a card game, pretty much every self-centered decision the prince makes from then on means utter ruin for everyone else.
The prince takes two whores (one of which is a whore and the other is none other than Vincezo’s daughter) to escape a fight at the brothel. A chase ensues and the prince must figure out what to do about it. In essence (and completely asinine), the prince decides to capture Enissia, the one nation his father has yet to subdue, by hiring a band of mercenaries.
From here, the story takes on the most bizarre and unexpected turns you can imagine.
Wilhelmina, his sister, and King Ulaf have access to information of the prince’s actions and whereabouts from a network of spies. But the information they receive is interpreted incorrectly. At least, his father gives the prince the benefit of the doubt when they learn the prince and his cousin are no longer on their journey to Sacony. Instead of thinking the prince is making another ill-conceived plan, the king thinks his son has been captured by the mercenaries.
But Wilhelmina knows better. She knows her brother is the arse he really is and that he’s up to something stupid. But she thinks that’s to her advantage. If her brother manages to kill himself, then her dreams of ruling just might come true. As her father goes off to help her brother, she bides her time and tries to come up with ways to kill Dick.
From there, the prince continues to make bad, completely egotistical decisions and plans that hurt everyone around him. And every time the opportunity to extract himself from the mess he created presents itself, he chooses the selfish path, even if it means losing those closest to him.
Igor Ljubuncic is a great writer. While I didn’t get into his first fantasy series, The Lost Words, I’ve enjoyed many of Mr. Ljubuncic’s short stories. And I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy this story. The prince did make me laugh. No, I never laughed with Dick, but I definitely laughed at him.
But he is completely incorrigible. At each major juncture of the story when Dick had the opportunity to do something…noble, he didn’t. Instead, he did the most self-centered thing you can imagine. Now that’s grimdark.
And it wasn’t just Dick that was a complete beast.
Told from multiple viewpoints, we get glimpses of Eva, the kidnapped daughter, and Wilhelmina, Dick’s sister. These perspectives fill out the story world nicely. From Eva we get to learn a little about what was expected of noble women, and whores, in this medieval-based world. And from Wilhelmina, we see how another noble woman’s take on the same situation. But neither of these women do anything that will get them out of their situations or help reach their goals. They simply go along for the ride. But worse is that we don’t want them to break out of their mold, because they are no better than the ruthless, uncaring men around them.
The other two viewpoints are from the leaders put on defense by the prince. They include the head of the city-state Enissia (a truly evil man) and Sacony’s ruler (probably the only person who you might want to be in the same room with).
To top it off, every other character is some degree of a bastard. The only one I had any hope for was Dick’s valet, Crispin. I kept thinking his capable, dedicated heart would eventually give out and he would bury a dagger into Dick’s face, but that never happened.
Despite all the completely unsympathetic characters, I couldn’t stop reading. It was like watching a train wreck. Truly gut-wrenching and dreadful, but you can’t look away. As the author says in his blurb, you just got to know what Dick will do next.
If you like political intrigue, truly realistic portrayals of what it takes to maintain power, and you want someone to laugh at, then I recommend this book. Otherwise, don’t bother. Read Mr. Ljubuncic’s short stories and wait for his next fantasy series.
Note: while part of an expected series (the Woes and Hose series, yes, that’s supposed to be cheesy), The Amazing Adventures of Dashing Prince Dietrich stands alone well. Fair warning, foul language and adult situations abound.
The Amazing Adventures of Dashing Prince Dietrich (Woes and Hose #1) by Igor Ljubuncic
Kindle Edition
Published May 2016
N.E. White, September, 2016.
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