Short Story: When THEY came...

[Spacekat Tommy]

I was both excited and deeply afraid when they landed.

Here they were, amazingly huge drop ships, both large and.. empty...

We met the occupants moments after they landed. Large 8 foot tall beings.

They wore clothing, the largest had armor. They had thin long arms, but with thick legs, and like a t-rex were bent forwards at the waist about 45 degrees, it seemed like they were always bending over to pick something up. No tails at all... strange... Their heads stuck straight out from their backs. Their eyes jut out from the side of their heads, like a chameleon's, they darted around constantly, in front, then to the sides, sometimes in different directions. Often they would look at you and me at the same time... Their mouths twice as wide as ours. Their teeth larger but similar to ours, white, flat, some with points. Their tongues, they have 2, as large as a cow's. Their skin smooth and gray like the color of dust, with the veins in the arms resonating a dark blue.

They learned our language through broadcasts during their journey to our world. They spoke to us via machines that translate speech. They didn't have the palette or time to perfect it themselves. Some of them tried, but it was crude, brute, grunty... but we understood.

"Danger. Fear. Come. COME!! Must! Them! Kill... Feed.."

We didn't understand at first, we were still at that point being in absolute disbelief that we had visitors from another world, that they could speak to us, and we weren't sure what they wanted...

Were they really here to help us? Or were they on a sick mission to benefit from us?

But we found out over time through their specific activities, eager rushing behavior, their speech, their body language, and what seemed like a medic in a battlefield, an almost motherly protective behavior, only suggested a sense of nothing but assistance to us.

They helped the fallen, they began caring for the ones that passed out from fear. They knew our needs, and during those first moments they did everything they could to ensure our future survival. Assured us, "No harm. None. Calm."

They helped us secure our clothing, food, water, and basic essentials from our homes... Large containers were stuffed with everything we owned and we filled the drop ships. Then with us on board we disappeared into the skies...

Who knew we'd all be astronauts?

I learned later that they sent ships to fields to collect, even if it was too early for proper harvest, the seeds, and some livestock that would sustain the population they would rescue...

The only reason we went ahead with their demanding activities to leave our lives behind and disappear off the planet was because they pointed to a bright light that wasn't there the day before yesterday.

Until they landed we didn't know exactly what that light was... The protectors told us about the danger, again and again..

"THEY! COME!! FAST!"

The telescopes showed a hundred thousand lights from just one place... at first was just a speck of light, that later became a dusty cloud of lights in the dark sky.. Eventually, we found out it was an invasion fleet.

Shortly after we looked to the skies with our protectors, a single beam of light reached towards the ground, dim blue, lovely...

It ionized the sky above, greens and purples cascaded across the visage like the northern lights, but we were far too south to ever see such phenomenon ourselves.

We were told to ignore it, and continue our stockpile operations...

When i had a chance to meet with the last few of the rescued humans, many people had similar stories...

"We just got in our vehicles and made our way towards the light."

"It just seemed so peaceful. Like a beacon of love. We wanted to see it closer."

What we didn't know is that, like moths to a flame, it was meant to bring as many people as possible to that location when THEY landed... For the harvest.

I was on board a vessel that escaped that nightmare.

My name is Tom. I survived the massacre of mankind.

 

[RX-79G]

Large 8 foot tall beings.

Both large and eight feet tall?

Tommy, something you write yourself is always going to be precious. But this microstory is mostly cliche with no real hook to make it different from pitch for an '80s TV show. What was important to you about this story that made you want to write it down?

 

[Spacekat Tommy]

Both large and eight feet tall?

Tommy, something you write yourself is always going to be precious. But this microstory is mostly cliche with no real hook to make it different from pitch for an '80s TV show. What was important to you about this story that made you want to write it down?

Part of me wants to rash out irrationally.. because.. criticism sucks for your first post...

The story was literally.. "Wow!! An alien species.. we're not used to this.. It's happening so fast...."

They land, and rather than, "we come in peace", or "you're dead.. BYE" ....this was an alien species saying,

"Hey, THEY are coming, you're going to die, we're here to save you."

If you asked the writer in the story he'd probably say some s**t like...

"what was I asking myself when they landed?? Hmm.. maybe something like, "why the hell was i standing right in front of this craft?? It was so alien.. flying in different directions and hovering in a total non-human craft way... but for some stupid reason, i trusted it. And yet, as they landed before me... my "manballs" said... "Bro its awesome... step right in the craft's wake.. surely you can take the blast.. Wasn't i being stupid...?"
"And also besides.. when they step out of their craft.. i mean c'mon, they are highly intelligent aliens.. they aren't going to be hostile.. right?"
"i mean, honestly... who says s**t like "GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH!!!!!! That only happens in movies"
"We come in peace man" ((shares a joint with aliens))
Who says the moron that wrote this wasn't just some dude on a street corner fleeing for his life??

This nobody of humanity was gifted a console to report his own thoughts and memories... And yeah, its fine and dandy for the modern world to have the greatest of poetry, magnificent writing.. and a magnitude of knowledge that says "THIS IS MANKIND"

But even with the world around being so huge and diverse... and for an event on the scale of apocalypse...

All i can say is.... (from my modern high speed internet connection)

Yeah, the greatest of writers will survive to tell the tale during such a scenario... because yeah.. like that's so effing likely.. you must be joking... cuz they got such survival skillz n s**t... backup plans..

"when are they coming?" ..
"i dunno.. but i wrote this s**t, and i'm ready...."

As if...

But here's this noob who just got lucky, picked off the planet last second, and they gave him a console... and he wrote the history of man.. from his perspective...

and you just read that s**t and critiqued it like... lets see the logging of the end of mankind...

Psh.. blah... it was a half assed read....

Good to know that even after the fall of man... someone still would be like.. "i give it 1.5 stars out of 5"

That's what this story is. A nobodies version of the end of man. Who just got lucky enough to write down his life story....

 

[RX-79G]

After WWII, it was not uncommon for returning soldiers to write about their experience. Some of those stories included enough detail, style and interest to be worthwhile reads, and the majority faded into history.

As a standalone story, you're saying that this is an example of the latter. Used inside a larger work of fiction it could serve as an example of the kind of experiences the survivors had - which is not an unheard of way of crafting a fiction novel.

But if the story is supposed to stand on its own, you are basically suggesting that it is too bad that this is the best written example of this event, but it is still important because it tells us about this event. Which would make sense, if this event was real. But it is a fictional event, with a fictional narrator. Why should the reader (editor, publisher) enjoy this sparsely written piece of fiction, and who is going to let them in on the secret that the narrator's voice is purposely and artistically limited for effect?

At this point there is no functional difference between a "poor" narrator and a "poor" author, since there is no larger context for the fictional work. Stick it inside something larger and you have context.

 

[Spacekat Tommy]

well first of all..

A: i got you got to read it.. maybe, if you even decided to finish it..

B: you discussed it with the fictional writer's relay (me)...

C: the fact that there was even a response to it in general is awesome~!! so thats saying something? i got SOMEONE to read something. yay me!

D: and you still critique the death of mankind written in haste by this fictional writer. asking.. why is this important.. what kind of read is this..? He isnt a writer.. i sure as hell am not.. this was just a fun thought i had on the way home from work.. and i was like.. hmm.. let me find the first link to a sci-fi forum to post it on.. just because i can, and boom.. here it is.. the internet reads.. and i feel like i'm in english class all over again.. thanks Mrs Devarco... (7th grade english teacher i stole Ender's Game from one day when she left the classroom.. at this point of my life i tried to find her on the internet so i could bring her 5 copies of the book.. but she's moved from the local educational district)

E: this wasnt a soldier on a battle field.. spending years of time in service to come home with ptsd.. and finds a comfort and a way of dealiing with his (possibly failed) efforts to fight an enemy, seeing death and destruction, and cope with the loss of his fellow soldiers... that one day had decided to write it all down to release it, and let it all go, just so he could be ok tomorrow... with plenty of time debating on what to say and how because he felt the need to tell his tale in full detail as best he could..

in this writers case, it wasnt even a chosen endeavor.. yet here it is.. the story of Tom, the random dude that got lucky when THEY came to consume Earth....

the random fool from x-place where the alien craft landed to save them... whose story only exists because he was dumb enough to be at ground zero when they landed... while the intelligent people ran the other way terrified.. having read so much sci-fi material... (lulz)

(and if it was an invasion his dumb ass would have been the first to die... good luck or bad luck? either story seems fitting as Tom is an idiot)

and later when he was on board, they said "can anyone help us log the information of what happened and how? we have a console here..." and little 7 year old timmy.. still shaking and crying.. useless... the 70+ year old native Austrian woman confused what was even happening when they walked into the cargo hold.... these demon-like beasts.. skin like glistening velvet, the color of sand. their towering presence scared the hell out of her, she didnt know if they were there to kill her or save her.. her dementia keeping her in a captive state of fear and confusion...

a single hand was raised... and they motioned for him to move to the console..

"all of mankind is reporting in, tell us what happened.. we need to know your story"

he had little time to describe the situation as they docked with the mother ship 20 minutes later.. he recorded what he could.. and his life aboard the ship became......

i mean. the more questions you ask, the more story i could tell..

but its all dull and lacking in context... as if your imagination couldn't fill in some of the details?

you act like someone who says "the bible is full fact and absolute detail and nothing but truth" and can't fill in the details in some way... i set up a world and you deny its purpose... the story isnt a novel written by terry brooks.. its a micro concept meant to spin wheels and excite.

if you're bored.. then get off my balls and go away.. you dont have to read.. you dont have to poke at me.. and for a story without context.. i'm confused why you stepped in at all to say anything at all..

if you want more to the story.. just ask!!

What happens next?
Where did he go?
Can you fill in the blank here...

but it lacks context, and you dont even push me in the direction of something you want to be reading.. its like saying... "I want you to climb that wall.. but i wont tell you any way on how to do it"

 

[Spacekat Tommy]

After WWII, it was not uncommon for returning soldiers to write about their experience. Some of those stories included enough detail, style and interest to be worthwhile reads, and the majority faded into history.

This is the best footing you've given me to to launch from.

To spark someone's creativity, you cant just belittle their attempt, ya gotta give em a foothold on what you want out of them.. inspire... ask me a question about this guy, and i'll give you a few paragraphs about him.

 

[RX-79G]

You seem to have certain expectations about what posting a so-so short story is supposed to grant you on a writing website.

Everyone else simply avoided making any comment at all. I'm sorry you're upset that I did.

Actually, I'm not sorry. If you don't want critique, don't post. You didn't post something by a fictional writer - you wrote it and you're only qualifying it over a week after posting it.

 

[Spacekat Tommy]

See!! That's what i'm saying! No one said anything because.. it's not even worth talking about.. half ass write, half assed read.. blah blah.

i mean if anything i got to know someone for 5 seconds in the, what do we call it, "writing community"?

and in all honesty, yesssss.. i'm gonna take offense to some critique for a first post.. that's life man. what did you expect me to say? "oh, i totally understand your perspective.. how stupid of i to post anything that i didnt drop several hours on and make a novel of..."

its a microstory, almost what the industry calls concept art to a base project that could possibly be something. you said it yourself.. 80's pilot garbage....

and now everything i post will feel like a job, because clearly i'm gonna have to do better in the future to impress people like YOU.. i'm just glad i'm not 12 or i would have given up writing all together..

and i'm going to quote you. "If you don't want critique, don't post."

THAT'S BULLSHIT SIR.

Dont write? dont post? dont share?

Did you buy this material of mine?

no, its free for a reason.

I have 103 songs on my soundcloud, brilliant tones that i like to hear... but you'd never hear it on the radio... people have said "hey you should post it here and sell it for commercial use, childrens programming, video games"

they aren't nobodies, they sell their work's rights and they ask why dont you at least try? because i feel like selling my work makes me a whore.

here's the deal. when critiquing.. give some guidance.. "the wine was boring, almost flavorless. its body lacked integrity and context ((whatever the f*ck that means)" and if the guy put his heart and soul into it he'd feel crushed... and probably give up.. then you'd have no substance at all...

you want to critique others?

i'll critique your critique: it was crap.. it had no flavor.. it sparked zero imagination. if you taught a college course i would have quit in the first 5 minutes, and in all honesty.. Tom the nobody dumb enough to be at ground zero in front of an alien spaceship landing in metropolis could have wrote the same thing himself. Nice to meet you on the internet Tom.

have fun! keep writing. use your imagination. and please.. do me a huge favor.. help writers get better... give em context to work off of.. rather than belittling people's work and making them feel shamed for posting ANYTHING at all.. because that is bullshit.

 

[RX-79G]

Tender vittles.

 

[Hobbit]

And on that note, a thread bites the dust.

We don't like threads at SFFWorld that end up as posts where members slag each other off. Putting it politely and simply, if you can't discuss such matters politely and with respect then really there seems to be little point in discussing.

Tommy: the writing forum is where members write and ask for comment and others discuss and even critique the writing. You may not have been aware of this, but feel free to look around, that's what they do here.

Nevertheless, it seems that this is not what is wanted here.

LATER EDIT: Having spoken to other staff, it may be that you wish this thread to be deleted, if for no other reason than by putting the story here, and not in the sub-forum, it can be regarded by some as being published. If you wish us to delete it, please let us know via message and we'll do it for you.

Thread closed.