Excercise #1

[wastra]

There is not limit on length- make them 1 page or 5 pages, it's your choice. This is simply an excercise to help all of us develope our writing skills.

Describe what a character sees when he or she enters a room. Pick any room, any setting, any time, any place, etc. Describe it from only that character's perspective (i.e. not from a narrator). What is in the room? Anyone else? Any objects? Is it warm? Cold? Anything works.

this is an excercise I did in a creative writing class years ago. It helps you learn to write from a character's perspective as well as develope your descriptive writing abilities.

After a few days, I'll psot a second topic- anyone can feel free to start an excercise, and we can come back to this any time we please, so there need not be a time limit/deadline on it.

I'll post my first offering tomorrow.

 

[wastra]

Michael stepped into the cottage amidst a swirl of snow, slamming the heavy wooden door behind him. The warmth of the room greated his face as he shook the cold snow from his shoulders.

The cottage was a cozy little building, with a hearty fire in the small hearth at the far end of the main room. A heavy table filled the center of hte room, surrounded by four simple wooden chairs. There were no rugs, nor was there any carpet. the Floor boards were warped and gray from age, but dry.

The merry little fire cast flickering light on the room, and turned ordinary objects into frightening shadows on the white walls. Michael stood for a moment, letting the light warm his frozen cheeks and hands before throwing his cloak off his shoulders onto the table.

Michael crossed the room as quietly as the creaking old boards underfoot would allow him. the chiuldren were asleep in the loft above, and he did not want to wake them.

The large bed in the alcove near the fire was obviously occupied. His wife's face lay on the pillows, soundly sleeping under heavy blanakets of woll and fur.

He sat carefully on the bed and began to remove his boots. She never stirred.

 

[KATS]

I’m not entirely sure this is what you had in mind, but here goes:

The heavy oak door swung open easily. The girl paused only briefly before quietly closing the door. In that brief moment she had assessed the room, her years of training taking over. It was a small room, compact and very plain. A single small window barely allowed daylight to enter the room, as if the daylight was an unwelcome intrusion on the room’s activities. Instead two oil lamps were built into the walls, opposite each other. Their metal bases shone eerily as the reflection of the bright flames danced. Most of the room was occupied with a circular table and four chairs. Like the room they were plain, probably oak. Two figures, a man and a woman, were seated at the table. Both had immediately lifted their eyes when she entered the room. They seemed frozen in place as they watched her closely. The man appeared common. She had no other word to describe him. He had the kind of face that was easily forgotten. His dark hair was speckled with grey and showed obvious signs of receding. Perhaps it was an indication of his age or perhaps not. His eyes were flat and emotionless, though she was certain that they could portray a number of false emotions. Even his clothes were somber and not worth remembering. But then, in their line of work they all wore similar clothes, even the woman. She was a vast contrast to the man. Her eyes were hard and unwavering. A pile of long blond hair was pulled into a pony tail, causing her face to appear even more sever. Her body was lean and taunt. She was obviously ready to spring into action should the wrong person enter the room. An array of papers blanketed the area in front of the woman, but the documents were effectively protected by her hovering gaze. Intently aware of the scrutiny the girl refused to be intimidated, even so she unconsciously straightened her back. With a great effort, the girl withheld a heavy sigh. Instead she gave a slight nod then simply took one of the vacant seats. Silently she waited and stared blindly at the last remaining vacant seat.

The end.

I took this from one of the short stories I wrote about a main character in my book. She is the girl. The story was written basically to help me figure out who she is and help define her in my mind. This story takes place about 5 to 10 years before my book. I tried to quickly beef up the description. I doubt I’ll leave it like this for the actual story. I just don’t believe all this information is necessary, or maybe the information will be delivered later in the story as opposed to being hit with it all at once. I still have a lot of work to do on this story so I don’t have anything set in stone (so to speak).

By the way, Wastra, glad you posted.

 

[PENTIAK]

uh-oh- Judging from previous enteries I've gone completly off the course here (as usual) I was the same in skool.
What I wrote's -completly- off the syllabus.
A little piece I knocked together last night. When you sed think of a place, and people etc. I came up with the first thing to pop into my mind which was...

THE NIGHTCLUB OF THE LIVING DEAD.
As we follow down along the corridor and descend the stairs bass frequencies lunge at us with muffled amoebic fingers. Until at last we open the door, that square, electronic kickdrum resonating in my chest cavity. The toxic chemical tang of dry ice, making my sinuses ache and my eyes bleed. Overhead the dancefloor, for the cheesy effect I suppose, a discoball. A mirrored Death Star, lasers and strobes battling all around. Twinkling digits skyward as the track comes to the break. The dancers in suspended animation, hands aloft, anticipating the inevitable snare rush. A single, high pitched string note is held indefinitely. The lasers spread out into multicoloured fans, tracing their way up along the dancers, stopping someplace over their heads to pulsate rapidly. Colours oscillating violently, as the snare roll comes in, getting louder, doubling up after four bars, doubling up again after four more. The lasers are on epileptic, Manga-cartoon overdrive, the snare like a machine gun, the dancers roar, a cresendo is reached, three crash cymbals and the bass drum returns with a vengeance. Another roar, as the dancers let loose, limbs going places they shouldn’t. When the DJ plays the next house choon, the same thing will happen, with the exact same breakdown, and the exact same reaction...

One of my favourite passtimes in nightclubs is to watch other people dance. It’s true us whiteboys don’t have rhythm, and if you don’t believe it just watch. Oh the arms may sway in an elegant manner, disco
Tai’ Chi, and the booties may shake but look at their feet, that’s the dead give-away. From the torso up, it’s a peacock parade, satisfied, confident grins welded to their jaws, eyes sweeping the floor for somebody to make eye contact with, but nobody ever does. It’s like standing on a bus, or a doctors waiting room, everyone way too inhibited to lock pupils with another.
Myself and my friend sit, surveying the safari with the same callous attention as those two old dudes in the Muppet show. Spectators, from the safe distance of the bar. Joking about them all, behind enemy lines, guerrilla psychoanalysts, with all the social savvy of Lee Marvin.
-See the token, tall Ally McBeanpole shake her non-existent bootie as two fat jocks eye her up and down from a far corner.
-See the dirty old dude, dressed like Ricky Martin, but with the features of Alfred Hitchcock.
-See the ring of girls, all smiling and tittering, singing along to the lyrical vacuum of the latest Slim Shady track.
-See the ring of dudes picking out which ones they’ll try chat up, looking over, but being ignored, no matter how expert their Travoltan, disco dancesteps.

Watch them all, soak it in. An aquarium of tropical colours, neon stripes, deadly fins and flouncy tails. All caught up in their self-importance, self-denial, you can hear their silent mantra; no, no, I am sexy, I am funky...
You look at their feet, their traitorous feet, they shuffle to and fro, unsteadily, nervously, unsure of where to step, lacking any rhythm, or any momentum.
But still, they pose, throwing shapes with laborious fluidity, in love with themselves, groovin’ down to the "essential house anthems", a disjointed mesh of "ohh baby"'s, old songs remixed into worse songs- oh save me from it all!!

*****************************************
Edited as a matter of courtesy 2 yawl!
now it's at least not so much a big, stick-out-like-a-sore thumb rant and more of a short descriptive piece. It's still not relevant to fantasy/SF but I wasn't sure it mattered.
Sorry about all that- P.




[This message has been edited by PENTIAK (edited January 28, 2001).]

 

[Umesha Chalanie]

A thousand fairy lights twinkle above my head, suspended in the air and floating lazily around the room. It is a dining hall, I realise, one that is fit for a high lord or low king. The table is long, seating at least fifty, and made stone but I can not tell wether it is brown or grey in this darkness. Because it is dark, despite the tiny flecks of light near the roof.

Carefully, I stand up, trying to ignore the pain in my head and my legs. I can smell blood, and it is undoubtedly from my wounds. I walk, ever so slowly, towards the table, which is a good twenty feet from the wall I had been slumped against.

My arms whips out in front of me, grabbing the back of a stone chair, steadying myself. My right leg is getting worse and worse.

I run my fingers over the chair, feeling the intricate patterns that have been carved into the stone. I am impressed; it would have taken the carver most of a year to complete just one of these. I seat myself down, glad to get my body's weight of my legs.

I see a movement out of the corner of my eye. My head turns quickly to the left, and immediately starts to throb even more. But I have seen the source of movement. Some of the fairy lights, the pink ones, are gathering together. I stare, unable to tear my eyes away.

I can feel the temperature rising, beads of sweat are running down my face, my back and my stomach. Undoubtedly this is caused by the pink lights, which are starting to move faster in the shape of a - is it a person? I squint my eyes, trying to get a clearer view.

Suddenly, my head is pushed onto the table by an unseen force. I try to resist, but quickly give up - because if I do, the pain grows. I close my eyes as I succumb to the magically-iduced sleep, awaiting my fate.

 

[Oldman]

Harry Winchester stood in front of his office door. He took a deep breath, straightened his tie and checked his pistol. It had been one of those weeks. So far this week he’d found two dead bodies and a dead horse’s head in his office, which wasn’t totally unusual but did make him suspicious.

Through the frosted glass window of the door he could tell the light was on, which meant somebody was either in there or had been since he left 2 hours ago. He hated it when people left his office light on when they left, especially if they weren’t the ones paying his commissions.

Reaching forward he slowly turned the handle of the door. Pushing it open with just enough force to stop against the hat stand. The door swung back on its finely greased hinges, revealing the panorama that was his office and stopped. Unfortunately it stopped against something other than his hat stand. Judging by the distance from where Harry knew the hat stand was, it was probably a size twelve. Harry placed his foot in front of the door so whoever was behind it couldn’t slam it into him. This was years of experience paying off.

Then he noticed her. She was sat on his desk holding an unlit cigar, probably one of the ones from his locked desk draw. The woman was tall, blond and wearing the red dress all his clients seemed to wear. Slowly she turned towards him and smiled. Harry smiled back with one of his best business-winning smiles. Taking the lighter out of his pocket he took a step towards the woman, trying to think of the best opening line to use to introduce himself.

For a split second he remembered about the person behind his door, but that was after the impact to the back of his head made him loose his balance and slump over the desk. He wondered whether hitting his head on the typewriter or the first impact would make him lose consciousness first. He didn’t wonder for very long.

 

[Rob B]

Upon waking from the blow to my head with a clouded memory I walked into the darkened room. I could only see slight outlines of shapes in the pitch darkness. As I crept deeper into the room, I started to see my breath as I felt the temperature take a big drop. I felt as if I stepped into the cold embrace of a December morning, but I knew I was inside a building.

I thought I could hear movements in the deepest, darkest part of the room. Since I could barely make out my hand in front of my face, I knew there was no chance in Hell for me to see what was scurrying along the back of the room.

The next thing I knew, I was flat on my ass for a reason I could not begin to explain, but I did know that my posterior was in pain. Slowly and in pain, I arose to my feet and continued my efforts to discover what kind of room I entered. I then noticed a very strong smell in the room, like the smell of the dead.

My eyes began to adjust to the darkness and the abstract shapes that I saw when first entered the room began to take a more distinct shape. These shapes seemed to be hanging and swaying, but I could feel no air movement that would cause these hanging things to move.

There seemed to be a minor light source in the corner of the room where I heard the scurrying sounds before. The light was a green blinking annoyance that pierced the darkness as I crept ever closer to the source.

I thought I was in a meat locker with many sides of beef and pork hanging but the deepest part of my fears held true as I finally reached the back wall. Feeling along the wall, I could tell that there was lettering stuck to the walls, but since he had never depended on his sense of touch, he could not tell what the letters proclaimed.

I then grabbed onto what I thought was going to be a side of beef, when in my hands I could feel the cold embrace of a dead human. That was the last memory I had before taking the second blow to my head that day.

 

[wastra]

good! Keep 'em coming! There are some pretty good writers here!

 

[wastra]

Let's move on with this one- I've posted the 2nd exercise, but anyone who is ionterested can take this one further.

to work on perspectives:
Take your first scenario and write it from a different perspective. If you wrote in 3rd person before, write what that character saw in first person. there are obviously going to be differences- maybe he or she missed something, maybe it invoked feelings, maybe they were afraid of the darkness, etc.

If yo uwrote in first person, imagine there was a person observing from a hidden eyehole in the wall. What do they see? How is their perspective different?


this exercise allows you to think more on the three-dimensional world you are creating. When you write a scene, you have to remmeber that there is more to the setting than what the character sees. there may be things that will "flush out" your scene that you would never have thought of until you thought about how a different person would view the action.

Anyway, give it a try. I'll do the same when I get a moment to write.

 

[wastra]

Let's move on with this one- I've posted the 2nd exercise, but anyone who is interested can take this one further. You can work on both, or just stick to this one, or even forget this one, and move on to the next. it's all up to you.

to work on perspectives:
Take your first scenario and write it from a different perspective. If you wrote in 3rd person before, write what that character saw in first person. there are obviously going to be differences- maybe he or she missed something, maybe it invoked feelings, maybe they were afraid of the darkness that a narrator did not see. Try writing from a non-omnipotent view (i.e. the narrator does not know what the character is thinking, can only report the actions.) Or if you wrote in first person the first time, imagine there was a person observing from a hidden eyehole in the wall. What do they see? How is their perspective different?


this exercise allows you to think more on the three-dimensional world you are creating. When you write a scene, you have to remember that there is more to the setting than what the character sees. there may be things that will "flush out" your scene that you would never have thought of until you thought about how a different person would view the action.

Anyway, give it a try. I'll do the same when I get a moment to write.

 

[PENTIAK]

Wastra: great idea, absolutly ace, I was wondering how many exercieses you intend to do- I don't mean to be butting in but I've an idea...

 

[JacobMartin]

The door to the musty room was ajar, letting in the sun's yellow light through a broken window. The stab of light sliced through the gloom of the hallway highlighting a million floating motes. I walked to the door to peer in. Nothing strange about the room: the furniture were covered in white sheets, a pulled back curtain gave me a view of the backyard. My constituent, Officer Brown was poking around a dilapidated toolshed.

Touching the ancient doorknob, I silently closed the door and walked away.

/jm

 

[JacobMartin]

The door to the musty room was ajar, letting in the sun's yellow light through a broken window. The stab of light sliced through the gloom of the hallway highlighting a million floating motes. I walked to the door to peer in. Nothing strange about the room: the furniture were covered in white sheets, a pulled back curtain gave me a view of the backyard. My constituent, Officer Brown was poking around a dilapidated toolshed.

Touching the ancient doorknob, I silently closed the door and walked away.

/jm

 

[Oldman]

Ok, here's my rewrite as seen by the woman in the red dress... Any opinions and/or comments are very welcome whether by e-mail or posts online!

They’d been here an hour, she’d filed her nails, brushed her hair, gone over the plan again and again but he still wasn’t here. For the fifth time Angel took out her mirror and checked her make-up. Not only was she bored, but she was sure they weren’t going to pay her extra for her time, and this stupid red dress was the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Two-Faced Tommy had made her twist and twirl and made lots of noises she could only presume had been complimentary noises, but he’d been happy with the dress.

Whack-‘em Bill turned back from the window and shouted at her to put the ‘goddamed’ mirror away and sit on the desk. He then explained the plan to her again. Nodding and smiling Angel wondered if Billy actually understood the plan or was just repeating it parrot fashion to her. She asked the two requisite questions about what to do when the door opened and when to smile. She had a reputation to uphold. Despite this work being boring, it paid well and Two-Faced Tommy wouldn’t hire anyone smarter than himself in case they started seeing the holes in his plans.

Angel knew she had a couple of minutes before Harry would get to his office door, but she sat there as she had been told to. Taking out of her purse the cigar Two-Faced Tommy had insisted she use to get Harry’s attention and draw him away from the door. She had to admit that Tommy had thought the plan through properly for once. She was going to be the decoy while Whack-‘em Bill stood behind the door. When Harry came in, seeing her as the bait, Billy would whack ‘im. All the same Angel had a stupid-bowling trophy from Harry’s office in her left hand out of sight just in case anything went wrong.

Outside the office the floorboards creaked in the corridor. The outline of a man becoming visible through the frosted glass window of the office door. Angel straightened her shoulders and looked off to her side, away from the door.

What was taking him so long? Whoever was outside the door was breathing so heavily the Big Bad Wolf couldn’t have huffed and puffer any harder. Perhaps he was dying out there.

On the edge of her peripheral vision Angel saw the door open. Slowly at first as if the person opening it was suspicious of the room or it’s contents. Could he have found them out? Perhaps it was the Police! Angel gripped the stupid-bowling trophy tightly in her hand ready to swing. Then the door swung lightly back until it hit something. Angel winced, remembering how she’d suggested to Whack-‘em Bill he should move the hat stand so he’d be out of the way of the door.

Turning her head towards him, she took her first opportunity to look him over as he’d been doing since he’d noticed her. He wasn’t exactly what Angel had been expecting. He was much taller and more handsome than most Private Eyes tended to be. She saw a lot of Private Eyes while doing this kind of work for Two-Faced Tommy. She had never understood why Private Eyes spent their days trying to catch the likes of Two-Faced Tommy, or why the likes of Two-Faced Tommy spent their days bumping off Private Eyes. But it paid.

Then Angel noticed Harry’s foot. He’d planted it right in front of the door. Her left hand starting to sweat she felt her grip instinctively tighten on the stupid-bowling trophy. She had to get Harry to move away from the door. He was too big and the stupid-bowling trophy too light to do any damage.

She smiled.

She almost fell off of the desk when it worked and he took a step towards her. His lips sort of twitched in reply, but it looked more like a grimace than a smile. The kind of grimace people make when they’re thinking too hard about something.

Harry started to pull out his lighter, obviously for the cigar she was holding. Angel realised the plan had worked. Harry had forgotten all about Whack-‘em Bill behind the door. In all honesty it’s probably the best thing Harry could have done. Whack-‘em Bill had a habit of getting carried away if people didn’t fall over straight away.

Angel had to admire Whack-‘em Bill. She didn’t even hear him move, but the thick end of a wooden stick breaking around the back of Harry’s head told her all she needed to know. From the size of the stick, Angel figured Whack-‘em Bill had cursed himself for not moving the hat stand too.

Angel saw Harry’s eyes unfocus as he started falling forwards towards the desk. Before his body had come to a rest she was being helped out of the door, as Swimming-with-the-fishes Frank was coming out of the office across the hall.

 

[Umesha Chalanie]

She watches him, silently, her body split up into many different forms, physically seperated but essentially together. Nothing has happened for well over an hour, since the others had brought him. But she hadn't been in this place, or in this state of mind, then.

The fact he had showed up in her sacred water chalice undoubtedly showed her he was of some importance, whether minor or major. She had been given a vision, and it was up to her to decide what to do with it. So she had invoked a magick that had been outlawed many years before because of its danger. It was because of that she was where she was, her mind on a higher plane, yet still in control of her body - or at least, her bodies. For her body had been split into thousands of specks of lights, and it was in this way that she had travelled so quickly from her home to this place.

Perhaps this is a waste of time, she tells himself. The liklihood he will make a difference in this war is slim. He is only a mere mortal.

Her sight wanders around the room. She can see it ever so clearly, her mind processing a thousand different views and angles at the same time. It is unlike normal sight; it is more wonderful and joyous...

Her memory flashes back to her youth, when she was no more than a toddler. Strange that a seer should be born to blind parents, they had all said. She herself could never imagine being blind. To her, it was the ultimate -

Her thinking is cut of by the stirring of the man. She focuses again, watching and observing. He gets up, and staggers to a chair. Undoubtedly, he is suffering from some kind of injury. She makes up her mind then; her people are desperate, and they are in need of hero. Unlikely as it was, perhaps he could be it.

She calls her body together, starting to materialise and come out of the magickal trance. She can feel her mind swirling; it is dizzying and she starts to swoon. She loses awareness of all around her, focusing only on coming back into the world.

She opens her eyes, the process complete. She has her normal body back; the magick had done her no harm. Walking towards the young man, she sees his slumped form. What had happened while she was coming out of the trance?

 

[bing]

Bing enters the room.
"Dark, can't see."

 

[Electric Eden]

Hmmm, I suppose first of all I should introduce myself, this being my first post and all. I'm a young, just beginning writer in Columbus Ohio. I have not yet published anything, but soon I'll be submitting a few things to sffworld. There, that outta do it. Now here's my response to the exercise, comments and such would be appreciated:


“Alright, alright, I’ll go in!” Cried Julita as she was practically carried through the stone doorway. The two sorcerers to the sides of her looked at one another, nodded their heads, and then put her down. Julita saw them turn around and walk down the ancient hallway, their red cloaks dragging behind them as their feet pattered lightly in unison. She looked at the door. Knowing what she had to do, she pulled aside the curtain and walked confidently forwards, into a wide open space. To the sides were rows of stone support columns, extending way off in the distance, where sunlight was seeping in through designs in the stone walls. Julita could well hear the echo of her feet hitting the cold floor as she paced forwards. What caught her eye was right in front of her - in the center of the mysterious chamber. It was a fountain, an absolutely magnificent display of dragon and elf statues, all spurting clear water into a smooth, oval-shaped, stone tub. The suns rays shone through the continuous streams of water, making an array of bright rainbow colors dance up and down the flowing lines of water. Julita stared at the beautiful scene in front of her and listened to the soothing water sounds in awe. She reached the fountain and dipped her hands in the majestic fountain for a drink of water, wondering what was going to happen next. Jutila lay down beside the fountain and began to fall asleep. She had no trouble doing so with such serene surroundings. Suddenly, Jutita heard a loud banging noise. She awoke and turned towards the sound, and what she saw the the most horrifying thing she had ever seen--

 

[Hans]

Good descriptions guys, miles better than i could do, as I'm rubbish at english Lit. Though I will improve it over the next year hopefully.

Electric Eden, that was well done. Not too much description which would bore the reader.

what Happen's next?
What does she see?

 

[Hans]

Here I'll have a good.

Mike opens the heavy wooden door.
He doesn't know what he sees, for he is blind.

 

[Electric Eden]

Hmmm...lets just say she sees a dragon. A big mean one, that works. Now about yours--what does this blind man hear? What does he feel? What does he smell even?