The Tree – I thought this was a really beautiful tale, all the better considering how you crammed it into so few words. Very simple, but extremely powerful. I’m not sure what else to say, other than that I loved it! This definitely gets my vote.
When She Returns – I admit to not fully understanding what’s going on here, but I liked it nonetheless. It had a great sense of wonder, reminding me of Close Encounters, while also having some amusingly anachronistic dialogue and behaviour from the characters. I’m afraid it rather went over my head, though...
Customer Service – Great idea and very nicely written. The pacing is just right...you start to get an inkling of what it happening just before it does. I particularly liked the mouse disposal.
Cash or Credit – Fun and mischievous. Great last sentence!
Going Home – Tense and exciting, this keeps up the pace throughout and you really feel every painful step he makes. I liked the inklings of a larger story at work around the edges. I’d love to find out how he ended up in that place, and where he goes at the end.
The Return – Mysterious. I like the increasing paranoia and panic. It makes for quite an intense read.
In reply to the comments on my own story, 'The Villa'....
MrBF said:
13 The Villa
History, texture, explosive at the end. What more could you ask for?
Heh, thanks! Glad you liked it. I particularly like that you felt there was 'history' and 'texture'. I really tried to cram them into the word limit, hopefully without resorting to too much direct exposition.
EnlightenedOne said:
Again, like the last, an OK, gramatically-sound story, but it comes across as weak and lacking something.
Was it due to the lack of background detail you found it weak? I'm wondering if you could be a bit more specific. Did you find the writing dull, or the story, or was it simply that you felt the story didn't 'fit' the word limit?
I suspect the problem with this one is that the writer is attempting to encomapass a much larger story in a very small one and it simply doesn't fit well.
That's perhaps true, although it was very much made up on the spot, so I didn't really have any greater story beyond what is there: a conquering warlord gloats over his victory, only to find one last surprise from his enemy. I didn't really consider the specifics of the conflict to be important, though I understand how it could be frustrating to readers.
The story leaves too many questions unanswered, too many gaps, too much not said. I'm guessing that the writer is trying to convey that an evil conqueror has just fallen foul of nasty trap left for him by the conquered, but that is not the only way to read this story.
That is indeed the idea. The other main part of the story that I thought was quite fun was in the gradual realisation that he's been fighting a genocidal war against humans, which isn't immediately apparent.
For a story of this format, a somewhat less-ambitious setting would probably have been more appropriate for this plot to work.
Maybe, although I'd say there's hardly any plot there anyway.
7valentine said:
Great work. Like the ending. Very compact story with lots of material within the word limit.
Thanks! The story was written specifically to try and keep under 300 words, so I'm quite pleased with how it came out. It's a fun exercise to try to write something so short while cramming in so much information, while at the same time trying to avoid it being entirely exposition. Hopefully the backstory comes through in a way that embellishes Asabi's character - that was the idea, anyway.
My proudest achievement is naming a character after a Japanese horseradish condiment, though.
Thanks again for everyone that took the time to read my story. I enjoyed reading everyone else's!
