Good Start or Bad?

[SubZero61992]

Genjo rested on top of a big tree's branch. Birds danced in the warm sunlight and cooling winds rippled his brown hair.
His face needed the sunlight the most. It was pale but lit up by the bright blue eyes. In his black light pants and black shirt, all covered by a black cloak made him alone look like a legend.
But a sword at his hip and no cape told he was only a swordsman.
A lone one at that.
Below him a village he was anxious to explore worked day and night preparing for trade days. A special occasion that lasted for three sun rises.
Boys worked in crops with their Fathers........... to be continued.


Is this good enough to write down in my note book for a start?

 

[JRMurdock]

it's not awful, but needs development. By the second paragraph, we know where he's going, but only know he has brown hair. He comes upon a stand with wares, but no one selling them. Did he eat first? Did he just nestle in between the stalls and nap?

If this is going to be a short story, it's alright to reveal his task quickly. If this is intended to be a novel, you'll want to allow the character to see the world and perhaps give him some motivation before sending him on a quest. Why he is risking his neck is just as important as the actual risking.

Short story or no, a little background on the character would also be nice.

One of the most difficult things to do with an idea like this is to slow down with it and allow it to develop. Back to brainstorming. I'm a HUGE proponent of brainstorming. Write down everything YOU know about the character, the world, the Demon Queen, etc.

When you re-write this scene, remember, we're not in your head with you (though from your postings it sounds like an interesting place). If you can envision it, smell it, touch it, taste it, hear it, then put that into your prose. Use all five senses when describing a scene like a market place. This will draw the reader into your world. In your scene, there's one person at the start, and by the end he meets the blacksmith. Where are the shopkeepers, the livestock, the children, and the customers? Is it crowded, or empty? Is it a group of stands on the side of the road, or a set of buildings on a street in a town? Lots of questions to help you with your scene.

I understand the urge to jump into the thick of things. This is why I've taken to writing short stories for the time being (Up to 55 for the year so far). SOme brief introduction, set the scene, Give a little motivation, spark a conflict, provide a resolution (Those posting in the exercises don't get to remember that last part. ). I get to do all that in roughly 3000 words. For a novel, there needs to be much more character development and building of motivation for the characters to do what they're doing. More description of scenes. Interaction with others in those scenes. The dreaded explanatory text to explain what you cannot show. These are just a few building blocks of a story. It takes time. It takes patience.

My advice, don't try and write a novel. Work on short stories for a while until you get the hang of dialog. Work on short stories until you get the nack for description. Work until you can motivate a character and YOU get excited reading what you've written. A novel takes time (Years for some authors). Short stories can be done in days if you're motivate. Don't go for the big bang right out of the box. Entice your reader. Draw them in and introduce your character by interaction with his/her surroundings and others in your scenes.

I'm rambling. I've been doing that a lot lately, eh? I'll get off my soapbox and try to finish up 'The Pool'. I'm actually writing something that's making me laugh.

 

[World Builder]

I'm guessing I missed a longer version of this post, because I don't see a lot of stuff Maus did, or he's just very able to pull out a lot of ideas from a few lines of writing.

As for the post now, it's a start... but a start to what I don't know. You could go anywhere with it. As a way of getting your ideas rolling this isn't a bad start. Once you get the story written though I'd suggest changing it. Where you start writing isn't always the same place the reader should start reading.

If you can envision it, smell it, touch it, taste it, hear it, then put that into your prose. Use all five senses when describing a scene like a market place. This will draw the reader into your world. In your scene, there's one person at the start, and by the end he meets the blacksmith. Where are the shopkeepers, the livestock, the children, and the customers? Is it crowded, or empty? Is it a group of stands on the side of the road, or a set of buildings on a street in a town? Lots of questions to help you with your scene.

Good advice, but beware the Dark Side of the Description and don't let it go crazy. This is mostly an omniscience issue. Depending how omniscient you want your writing to be. Most of the time its good to pick a character and describe things from his/her/its limited perspective. I know Maus has mentioned similar concepts in the exercises.

 

[JRMurdock]

Is this good enough to write down in my note book for a start?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by SubZero61992 : Today at 04:31 PM.

Gee, after the edit, my long rambling note really sounds long and rambling.

This is a better start than previously. Keep going with it. Take it slow. Introduce your character, etc, etc. Much like in my previous post.

Hey, BTW, you owe me a story for exercise 9.5. I've been waiting for your pregnant sole survivor story.

 

[JRMurdock]

Good advice, but beware the Dark Side of the Description and don't let it go crazy. This is mostly an omniscience issue. Depending how omniscient you want your writing to be. Most of the time its good to pick a character and describe things from his/her/its limited perspective. I know Maus has mentioned similar concepts in the exercises.

Gotta love those exercises. Speaking of which, I don't recall a W.B. post in there. Hmmm...

Just razzing ya.

Sometimes it's good to get TOO much description into your work. It gives you something to think about like hmm, I never thought about the tinging of the blacksmith's hammer. Maybe I should have my character go over there and get his armor worked on. And of course you can always reduce your description once done. Don't want to overload the reader.

Oh, and yes. I'm great at pulling out much more than what is written. Er, maybe not. The post was about three times as long before SubZero reduced it. If you'd like the original post, I still have it in e-mail format.

 

[kahnovitch]

Gee, after the edit, my long rambling note really sounds long and rambling.

It does indeed. Would have been better if SubZero (nice to meet you BTW) had posted a revised version rather than editing the original post as now anyone who reads this thread as it stands (like me) will be somwhat confused.

Anyhoo!

The general feeling and atmos isn't bad and the tone of the text gives me the impression of a "farm boy turned warrior" type character, who comes from a humble background, or maybe of a ronin looking for employment,who has designs on doing something more with his life i.e. the whole "destined for greatness" type scenario.

In a nutshell, yes it's good for a start, but sounds a tad predictable. Where Genjo goes and what he does, is what will make it stand out.

 

[SubZero61992]

Gee, after the edit, my long rambling note really sounds long and rambling.

This is a better start than previously. Keep going with it. Take it slow. Introduce your character, etc, etc. Much like in my previous post.

Hey, BTW, you owe me a story for exercise 9.5. I've been waiting for your pregnant sole survivor story.

I was going to work on that, but I figured I should probably spend my time on this current story.
And anyways I feel kind of sad when I think of a sole survivor.