Silent Souls

[Gilbert Nolande]

Hello,

Just wander if anyone wanted to say anything about my story.

Silent Souls

Thanks,
Jeff

 

[Kamakhya]

Hi Jeff. I've moved this to the Writing forum.

 

[Gilbert Nolande]

Thanks

 

[choppy]

I am curious to know what you want an opinion on. Do you want a crit of your writing style? Or are you more interested in my reaction to the material of the story.

My first impression is that this strikes me more as a "rant" than a story. The train of thought of your main character gets very preechy and addresses the reader directly. As a reader, I had the feeling that I was being yelled at or scolded. As a result, if there would have been a second page, I probably wouldn't have gone on.

From a philosphical standpoint you bring up some interesting points, which is where the strength of this work lies. I would have liked to have seen more a of a conclusive argument though. As it stands I'm left with a sense of ambivalent apathy.
The souls of the earth sat silently, awaiting the arrival of death. This is a good point to end on. In the end death is coming, regardless of one's beliefs.

 

[Gilbert Nolande]

Well,
yea...I guess it is more of a rant.

As far are what I was looking for, well...
I've never really posted anything I wrote before on a forum, so I figured I would put this up just
to see what people thought, and yes, I guess any sort of comments on my writing style or whatever.

Thanks for your input, choppy. As far as a "conclusive argument though" I would have to say your next
sentence sort of summed up what I was trying to get across and to tell you the truth I can't really
think of any sort of conclusive argument.

Also, if you feel like reading some other stuff I have written,
for whatever reason, you can find some more of my stories and rants and poems here --> teamEarth

 

[Lucky Joe]

Hi Jeff,

Well it's not really a story. However if you managed to put your ideas into a story and explore them through your characters actions and so on it would probably be worth reading.

 

[Gallowglass]

Its a rant, definitely.

Possible column material with editing but very little to it story-wise.

 

[Morgana the Fey]

I agree that it does sound like a bit of a rant but I can identify with that. It is written passionately though which really comes across. In fact I quite liked it, just needs a little more of a story line. Keep it up.