The Hobbit Movie Thread

[Chekhov]

If the movie had stuck to canon, it would have wrapped up the story and there'd be no need for a third one next year. Which would have been fine by me. This is the film where the unnecessary nature of making this a trilogy becomes so heavily apparent. It's incredibly well-made and at times enthralling, but it's also incredibly well-made, enthralling wheel-spinning.

There were originally going to be two films but I think they could have fit it all into one if they'd really wanted to. It's like the logic is "well there were three LotR movies and they were three hours each, so we need to repeat that formula if we want to keep our audience and make money".

I suspect this will play a lot better when you can just pop the third movie into the player as soon as this one ends, because it's total middle act.

I have to wonder what all the people in the theatre who were complaining about the ending were thinking. Same with all the people who complained about the ending of Catching Fire. Haven't they read the book? Shouldn't they know this is coming?

(I was still kind of hoping it'd show Smaug attacking Lake-town, but then I was also hoping the end of The Two Towers would show Cirith Ungol.)

 

[NeonKnight]

The Hobbit:The Desolation of Smaug

... so spoils ahead everyone....

Spoiled indeed. What Jackson has done with the trilogy, is spoil any kind of relationship he has with Tolkien. Instead what he has done is forge a new and powerfully corrupting relationship with George Lucas and his awful Star Wars prequels.

Doesn't Peter realize Frodo learned that the ring ultimately corrupts us with all of it's seductive power?

Pipeweed:

Just a few good moments really. Even though it was vastly and wildly different from the book, I liked the barrel roll down the river. At least I liked a couple moments in there, when the one fat dwarf with the red hair does something slightly funny to yet another hapless orc.

But there was so much more in that same scene that was pure absurdity, so even this brief bright moment is spoiled. (see Dark Thoughts)

Tauriel/Kate looked cute a couple of times.

The staircase to the secret door was super cool. I liked the way King Dwarf was carved in to the rock in an almost now you see it-now you don't way. For once Jackson added something not in the Tolkien text that works especially nicely when Thorin is saying something like "I am not like my Grandfather" and we see in profile that "Yes, you are exactly like your Grandfather."

Smaug and the hoard. The piles and piles of gold was great. Loved the huge quality and quantity. The CGI is fantastic, and I suppose Benedict's voice is fine. But once again Jackson spoils all of that by giving Smaug way, way too much to say with that golden voice....

Dark and Terrible Thoughts:

Almost too many to recall! I think Jackson/Sauron's goal is to destroy all resemblance to Tolkien's text. In this world, Mordor is victorious.

God I hate Thorin! I want that dwarf dead as a doornail. Even though I know my cause is hopeless, I am rooting for the ugly orcs to nail that guy. Oh no Smaug, he's right on the tip of your beautiful snout, just open your big mouth and use any one of a hundred teeth that are just like swords and snap his f-ing ugly head right off.

Oh no, he got away, and now he's surfing on a piece of metal that doesn't melt even though it is floating on molten gold and he's slipped away again. Smaug you dumb F, you could have just blasted him with your flamethrower from hell.

God I hate that dwarf. He sucks.

Thorin sucks the big one, but coming in close second in suckitude is Legolas. Amazing how Legolas seems to be aging backwards. Bloom looks so old, he looks older then his own FATHER in this very movie, Thranduil King of Mirkwood.

The only thing more absurd then his looks are all the pyrotechnics he pulls off when fighting hordes of orcs. Never a scratch on him, yet every single orc (except the awful Orc leaders) fall like bowling pins.

God I hate Legolas now. Can one of you orcs just ****ing grab him, while the rest of you rip his smirking face off?

Yeah, I get it. Jackson got his little reference to Gimli in there. haha.

Oh god, it's hopeless. No way to defeat Legolas and Thorin now. (this sucks)

Now that I think about Smaug's vast horde, and I contemplate the pile of suck that I have not even mentioned yet, I realize it's hopeless.

I surrender to Jackson and Mordor and George Lucas.

The Desolation of Smaug? No.

More like The Desolation of Tolkien.

 

[Evil Agent]

LOL.

Besides being full of weak puns, false comparisons, and whiny purist hyperbole, your review is nearly a year late.

 

[NeonKnight]

LOL.

Besides being full of weak puns, false comparisons, and whiny purist hyperbole, your review is nearly a year late.

So what? LOL

Is there a statue of limitations for reviewing awful movies?

I could not be more pleased that you can't handle my opinion. Makes my day actually.

 

[N. E. White]

Well, now we know this has nothing to do with the book:

[video=youtube_share;iVAgTiBrrDA]http://youtu.be/iVAgTiBrrDA[/video]

Visually enticing!

 

[N. E. White]

Even though I know my cause is hopeless, I am rooting for the ugly orcs to nail that guy. Oh no Smaug, he's right on the tip of your beautiful snout, just open your big mouth and use any one of a hundred teeth that are just like swords and snap his f-ing ugly head right off.

Ha! Actually, I kind of feel the same way. Regardless, I enjoyed the film and am hankering to see the next (and hopefully final) one.

 

[suboptimal]

Looking forward to the trilogy finishing so this can slowly sink into the murky depths of film history. In my book these films are self indulgent junk; fun for kids and a way to spend a couple hours on a rainy afternoon, but they have none of the qualities I look for in films I plan to watch again and again. Were it not an iconic story with deep pockets and a good creative team behind it, I would forgive it as just another moment of mediocre fantasy cinema. But instead, these films reek of corporate profiteering, stuffed to overflowing with ugly CGI, pointless violence that I suspect would make Tolkien furious, and horrid plotting that ought to have been obvious at the storyboard stage. I expect it was obvious, and the New Line execs waved their hands and said, "Who cares how good it is, just give us a lot of it, so we can sell as much as possible."