Voting Thread - May Flash Fiction (Overwhelmed)

I went with The Trials by Dreaming.

Voting was difficult as there were so many great stories that appealed to me in different respects. In the end I narrowed it down to those that I felt were true flash pieces. There were others that I really liked that I feel would be better as short stories.
 
Hmmm, I'm kind-of down to two, but tough choice this month.....gonna sleep on it a day or two...
 
Jay Overwhelmed by Bodhi wuz my pick. Because I wished It'd been written by my mittens.
 
I voted for @Facing's "Working the Crowd" because it was the best! Great new take on an old genre staple, with some lovely wry jokes, without being so-called "humorous" fantasy.
 
I feel like two people really put their "best foot forward" this month (and hid their bad feet). These two were Dreaming and Victor. Dreaming's piece was beautiful in its whirlwind of enthusiasm and creativity, but needed help with editing, which could have fixed the dialogue and Mr. Anderson problems. Victor's piece was perfectly paced, and although it didn't hit the theme directly for me, it oozed with fantasy-goodness and the sensory experience of an imaginary world. The writing is really good and "smooth like butter" except when he tries to fit too much information or too many terms into one sentence. The characters came alive and were easily differentiated. It made me think of anime and I hold my anime-watching days dearly in my heart, so it scores (cheap?) points for that. I had to vote for Victor.

Kenny's: I felt like the main theme was the persistent date. The mystery being how the man was going through the years without noticing.

Luka's: I feel like the author abused his characters and scenes, making them pawns in his game of witty-word-play and over-the-top humor. The plot idea felt like a backdrop in which to put the real gems: annoying sons, miscommunication issues, technology that never works, a crazy lady attacking her family, absurd dining situations, and bypassing the corporate feedback mechanism to directly threaten your boss. First and foremost, in writing, I want to care about the plot and characters, otherwise I would read an essay. I didn't like the name Chevron or the personality. He was selfish, lazy, and uncaring towards his son. I begrudgingly waded through his misadventures, although I admit laughing more than once. I might have really liked this as a comic book or a 30 minute television sitcom, but it might work as flash for some readers.

Ms. Facing: Some good parts, but it was overshadowed by the dark humor, which does not appeal to me. When I started reading about executions, I expected the theme to apply to the idea of being overwhelmed by too many executions, but instead it was about underwhelming attendance numbers which led to a woman being overwhelmed by her unusual career choice. A more subtle take, which, again, felt outbalanced by the comic death routine and sexy humor. On this last point, there were a couple parts that could have been titillating but I overlooked the "exchange of favors" (too subtle?) and the curvy outfit seemed more gross than sexy, the oranges seemed ridiculous. I guess the overall tone didn't agree with me.
 
I'm setting a goal henceforth to make my tales work for the Flash - er - make that "as a Flash."

Smeg I nearly took Barry Allen's name in vain then.
 
Hmmm. I'm not sure the 1000words and done format is actually very marketable or useful. It's great for us because it's a manageable goal but actually, as our resident Flashologist @kennychaffin will tell you, "pure" Flash is quite different from the short narratives we've been knocking out.

I treat it as a way of workshopping ideas - because I find coherent narratives so difficult - and 1000 words isn't a huge waste if I then scrap it....
 
I almost lost all that(!), so I had to break my response into two parts. That was scary.

Dreaming: The scope was right for flash. The idea was good, but it definitely felt "inspired" by the work of others. I especially thought of the Matrix and Ender's Game. Many modern television shows also feature a scene of torture, trying to break one man down, usually a hero character. In context, it's a very exciting scene, but to stand on it's own (and you did very well in writing and portraying it) it might need some unique twist or innovation.

Bodhi: Brilliant. An inspired piece of drivel. A postmodernist take on the regression of human behavior and socialist governmental diatribes about politicians and the plebs who will never be the bourgeoisie with a tipping of the hat to the American 1950's. I tip my hat to you, sir!

Jon: I love myth and folklore. The writing was top-notch. The idea was there. You know you could have started with a little prologue or preamble about "Selkie" mythology. I wonder if that would have cut into the word count, though. Hmmmm. I think you know you are capable of better, plotting and pacing-wise. Just needs a little more time for polishing and having a direct connection to the theme. Starts with "short story" pacing and speeds up to "flash pacing" and by the end, I think we are moving FTL (faster-than-light). The writing was a pleasure to read and the scenes were easy to picture and the characters started to live in my imagination. So you did a lot right, of course. Almost voted for it, except for my hesitations about the theme tie-in and the plot issues. I think you got some good feedback from readers about the questions regarding the plot that lingered at the end.
 
Hmmm. I'm not sure the 1000words and done format is actually very marketable or useful. It's great for us because it's a manageable goal but actually, as our resident Flashologist @kennychaffin will tell you, "pure" Flash is quite different from the short narratives we've been knocking out.

I treat it as a way of workshopping ideas - because I find coherent narratives so difficult - and 1000 words isn't a huge waste if I then scrap it....

Well, there are all kinds of flash, but (and I think I've said this before) just making a story fit in 1000 words doesn't necessarily make it 'true' flash (I think Facing mentioned voting for the one she thought was 'most likely to be flash' :D). IMHO a lot of what I see here are more like just very short narratives (as you said) or abbreviated or summary (or even unfinished excerpts/vignettes), but that's all okay too. I've seen things like that in the anthologies and collections I read as well. Everyone has different tastes. I know much of my work is not necessarily striking a chord with this audience and that's fine too, but I do appreciate all the feedback and the opportunity to try things out in these contests.

If you want to read some incredible Flash (officially 'labeled' as flash) I'd suggest Stuart Dybek - Coast of Chicago, Ecstatic Cahoots (not necessarily ALL flash fiction stories) or maybe the original Flash Fiction Anthology some incredible stories there (though they have a 750 word limit, or Lydia Davis - The Collected Stories ....
 
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Bodhi: Brilliant. An inspired piece of drivel. A postmodernist take on the regression of human behavior and socialist governmental diatribes about politicians and the plebs who will never be the bourgeoisie with a tipping of the hat to the American 1950's. I tip my hat to you, sir!

WOW!
:D
 
Ahem, cough cough, theme tie-in? While you lot were poncing around with people who were metaphorically overwhelmed, whether by time, unemployment, the pressures of being a headswoman, torture and magic, some of us literally overwhelmed a city. With water. If that's not the very benchmark of the theme, I do not know what is. Just sayin'.
 
You stick up for your stories, Jon, and I like that! True, you did use "overwhelmed" in the most direct, literal sense. I thought about the drowned city, but that occurrence is the impetus for the events that follow. The city has been overwhelmed by water, but the concern of the story isn't to fix that problem, it's about looking out for family and family secrets. You could make it that the townsfolk want the MC to save them from being overwhelmed by making peace with his wife... Was that the idea?
 
My vote goes to: "All the Worlds a Stage, and the Men and Women and Executioners merely players" otherwise know as "Working the Crowd" by Facing. I thought it the most fun and creative piece here.
Runner up was Jon's fish story though I found it to have some loose fishing line in a few places.
As I mentioned somewhere, I'm not a 'fantasy' lover though I thought Victor and Bodhi's stories were well done even if Bodhi confused the heck out of me with that one - I still liked the words.
Well done everyone else as well. Great set of entries this month and truly not a bad story in the batch!
 
You stick up for your stories, Jon, and I like that! True, you did use "overwhelmed" in the most direct, literal sense. I thought about the drowned city, but that occurrence is the impetus for the events that follow. The city has been overwhelmed by water, but the concern of the story isn't to fix that problem, it's about looking out for family and family secrets. You could make it that the townsfolk want the MC to save them from being overwhelmed by making peace with his wife... Was that the idea?
Well sir, let me challenge you to go back to the original competition thread and find anywhere that indicated that those were the rules. I do believe there was a boilerplate indicating I could interpret it how I liked! :)

But all joking aside, can we get some more voters?
 
I thought Jay overwhelmed was about a guy bumbling through his life and somehow making effortlessness seem difficult... How wrong I was.
 
Aw come on, if I was going to upgrade I'd go with melons. :p

roflmao.gif
 
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Melons would ruin the citrus effect for me :( grapefruits is a go! ;) LOL

I voted for Bodhi's story because I loved the style, and the social realism. He could have even been writing about me a few years back, before I found a job. "And heaven knows I'm miserable now" (to quote The Smiths). An economic slave no less! LOL And I do worry about the power Google has in terms of statistical data... If they should ever use that power for evil purposes, and political sway... It doesn't bare thinking about...(or does it!) ;)
 

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