Writing Better Sentences

[RedMage]

I came across this YouTube video from Ellen Brock on 12 Ways to Write Better Sentences for Creative Writers. Brock is a freelance editor who's been working since 2011 and regularly posts vids to her YouTube channel on writing, editing, etc.

Her suggestions, as listed in the vid's description are below. Though the list is easy to access, I suggest watching the vid itself as Brock discusses each, defining and providing examples of the problem, as well as possible solutions.

Do you recognize any of the problems from your writing? I definitely struggle with 7! 3 and 4 were problems for me and I still find myself falling into bad habits with them. And when I send my stories out for critique, I'm always asking for help with 12.

1. Avoid confusingly complex sentences
2. Set the Tone with word choices
3. Avoid passive voice
4. Remove Filtering
5. Set the pace with sentence length
6. Avoid body parts taking action
7. Reduce "was -ing" construction
8. Keep the wording natural
9. Cut unnecessary similes
10. Use vocabulary level strategically
11. Avoid starting actions
12. Cut out unnecessary words

 

[Stanley Steamboy]

"The sea was angry that day: Like an old man trying to return soup at a deli."

 

[lingvoberry]

On point 3, a useful editing check is to ask what the sentence is about before removing every passive.
“The driver delivered the parcel yesterday” follows the person doing the action. “The parcel was delivered yesterday” keeps the parcel in focus. If the scene follows someone waiting for that delivery, the second version can fit naturally, especially when the driver's identity adds nothing.
That does not make every passive useful. If readers need to know who acted, name the person. If the sentence becomes clearer in the active voice, change it. The choice should serve the scene rather than satisfy a blanket ban.
A quick test: “The message ___ delivered yesterday.” Use “was”, because the delivery is a finished past event. Compare “The mail is delivered every morning”, which describes a routine.
I work on LingvoBerry. Our lesson on present and past passives at LingvoBerry has more examples of choosing the focus and the tense.