kyria
Rogue
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2002
- Messages
- 154
THE MATRIX RELOADED: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT™
Got this on my email a few days ago and I thought it was really funny...
Is posting this okay?
THE MATRIX RELOADED: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT™
By Rod Hilton
FADE IN:
EXT. DARK, NOIR-ESQUE CITY STREET
A computer model of CARRIE-ANNE MOSS with an
inhuman-looking face flies out of a window, shoots
at an agent, and is killed.
INT. THE NEBUCHADNEZZAR - BLUE
KEANU REEVES wakes up from his nightmare.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS, played by a human being, is laying next to
him.
KEANU REEVES
Whoa.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
What's the matter? Did you wet the
bed again?
KEANU REEVES
I had this dream. You flew out of
a window in slow-motion and shot at
an agent and he killed you.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Well of course you dreamed that -
you've gone online and watched the
Matrix Reloaded trailer like fifty
times in the past two days.
KEANU REEVES
Did you see the computer generated
me fight all those Agent Smiths? It
was awesome! I'm gonna go hack in
and watch it again now.
INT. DARK, NOIR-ESQUE SEWER
LAURENCE FISHBURNE, CARRIE-ANNE MOSS, and KEANU
REEVES join
#SewerChat with all the other rebels.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Gimme ops! I want ops!
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Shut up. Listen everyone. The
Osiris has sent a transmission - the
machines are drilling straight down
to Zion. It's a wonder they didn't
think to do this sooner.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Ops! Ops! Ops!
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Fine! Jesus.
* SexyJada69 sets mode: +o TheOneBeliever.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Woohoo!
* SexyJada69 was kicked by TheOneBeliever (Don't hog
ops!)
* Joins: SexyJada69
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Not funny.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Sorry. Okay, everyone. I believe
the Gloria Foster will contact us
soon, so I need one ship to stay
back here and be available if she
makes contact. This goes directly
against the order of our military
commander, but he's a total dick, so
f**k him.
* SexyJada69 has quit (irc.logos.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* -[Ghost]- has quit (irc.logos.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* StokChar02 has quit (irc.rebels.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* StokChar01 has quit (irc.rebels.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* TheOne has quit (irc.nebuchadnezzar.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* Trin303 has quit (irc.nebuchadnezzar.net
irc.thematrix.com)
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Oh s**t.
* Joins: -[Ghost]-
* Joins: StokChar02
* Joins: TheOne
* Joins: AgentJohnson
* Joins: Trin303
* Joins: StokChar01
* Joins: AgentJackson
* Joins: SexyJada69
* irc.thematrix.com sets mode: +o AgentJohnson
* irc.thematrix.com sets mode: +o AgentJackson
* AgentJackson sets mode: -o TheOneBeliever
* AgentJohnson changes topic to 'Th3 M4tr1x h4s
j00h4h4!!1!'
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Agents! Get the hell out of here!
* Parts: SexyJada69
* Parts: StokChar01
* Parts: StokChar02
* Parts: Trin303
* Parts: TheOneBeliever
* Parts: -[Ghost]-
KEANU REEVES
I don't feel the slightest bit
intimidated, and as a result the
audience feels absolutely no danger.
AGENT JACKSON
That's a shame, since this is the
first fight scene and should really
get them hyperventilating.
They use kung fu and KEANU beats the crap out of the
AGENTS and flies away.
INT. ZION
All of the ships head to ZION. Nothing happens for
a while. Characters talk to other characters.
Eventually, there is an erotic rave scene, but it too is
somewhat boring. The AUDIENCE goes to sleep.
AUDIENCE
This is what they're fighting to
save? It sucks! Wake me when they're
back in the matrix.
Eventually, GLORIA FOSTER contacts KEANU, and they
visit her.
Got this on my email a few days ago and I thought it was really funny...
THE MATRIX RELOADED: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT™
By Rod Hilton
FADE IN:
EXT. DARK, NOIR-ESQUE CITY STREET
A computer model of CARRIE-ANNE MOSS with an
inhuman-looking face flies out of a window, shoots
at an agent, and is killed.
INT. THE NEBUCHADNEZZAR - BLUE
KEANU REEVES wakes up from his nightmare.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS, played by a human being, is laying next to
him.
KEANU REEVES
Whoa.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
What's the matter? Did you wet the
bed again?
KEANU REEVES
I had this dream. You flew out of
a window in slow-motion and shot at
an agent and he killed you.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Well of course you dreamed that -
you've gone online and watched the
Matrix Reloaded trailer like fifty
times in the past two days.
KEANU REEVES
Did you see the computer generated
me fight all those Agent Smiths? It
was awesome! I'm gonna go hack in
and watch it again now.
INT. DARK, NOIR-ESQUE SEWER
LAURENCE FISHBURNE, CARRIE-ANNE MOSS, and KEANU
REEVES join
#SewerChat with all the other rebels.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Gimme ops! I want ops!
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Shut up. Listen everyone. The
Osiris has sent a transmission - the
machines are drilling straight down
to Zion. It's a wonder they didn't
think to do this sooner.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Ops! Ops! Ops!
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Fine! Jesus.
* SexyJada69 sets mode: +o TheOneBeliever.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Woohoo!
* SexyJada69 was kicked by TheOneBeliever (Don't hog
ops!)
* Joins: SexyJada69
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Not funny.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Sorry. Okay, everyone. I believe
the Gloria Foster will contact us
soon, so I need one ship to stay
back here and be available if she
makes contact. This goes directly
against the order of our military
commander, but he's a total dick, so
f**k him.
* SexyJada69 has quit (irc.logos.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* -[Ghost]- has quit (irc.logos.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* StokChar02 has quit (irc.rebels.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* StokChar01 has quit (irc.rebels.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* TheOne has quit (irc.nebuchadnezzar.net
irc.thematrix.com)
* Trin303 has quit (irc.nebuchadnezzar.net
irc.thematrix.com)
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Oh s**t.
* Joins: -[Ghost]-
* Joins: StokChar02
* Joins: TheOne
* Joins: AgentJohnson
* Joins: Trin303
* Joins: StokChar01
* Joins: AgentJackson
* Joins: SexyJada69
* irc.thematrix.com sets mode: +o AgentJohnson
* irc.thematrix.com sets mode: +o AgentJackson
* AgentJackson sets mode: -o TheOneBeliever
* AgentJohnson changes topic to 'Th3 M4tr1x h4s
j00h4h4!!1!'
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Agents! Get the hell out of here!
* Parts: SexyJada69
* Parts: StokChar01
* Parts: StokChar02
* Parts: Trin303
* Parts: TheOneBeliever
* Parts: -[Ghost]-
KEANU REEVES
I don't feel the slightest bit
intimidated, and as a result the
audience feels absolutely no danger.
AGENT JACKSON
That's a shame, since this is the
first fight scene and should really
get them hyperventilating.
They use kung fu and KEANU beats the crap out of the
AGENTS and flies away.
INT. ZION
All of the ships head to ZION. Nothing happens for
a while. Characters talk to other characters.
Eventually, there is an erotic rave scene, but it too is
somewhat boring. The AUDIENCE goes to sleep.
AUDIENCE
This is what they're fighting to
save? It sucks! Wake me when they're
back in the matrix.
Eventually, GLORIA FOSTER contacts KEANU, and they
visit her.
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