Critique: Beginning of an idea.

[BrianC]

Send it to me, you have my email right? Mmm, I have the benefit, not only of being a veteran, but also having read a good bit of military history and mititary fiction.

 

[Dawnstorm]

I am also looking for someone to read what I have so far, just to give me thoughts on if I am going in the right direction. (hint, hint!)

Sure, send it over (if you're not bothered for time; I may take a while).

As for directions, if right ain't right, then only left's left.

Cheers,

Eddie

 

[Susan Boulton]

Done;

But it is just frist draft. Many errors....

 

[Dawnstorm]

Done;

But it is just frist draft. Many errors....

Got it, thanks.

Don't worry, no nit-pick at that point, just general comments about direction and concept.

 

[KatG]

My main worry is that this story might not reach 90,000 words. I think it will, but what is the lower limit for a novel???

90,000 will be fine. Also 80,000 and 75,000. It's a mystery thriller, it's not suppose to be huge. There is no set lower limit for novels. It's on average around 40,000 words now, but I have seen works that are essentially novellas still sold as novels. I don't think that's an issue for you, though, covering two World Wars and parts of the time in between.

 

[Susan Boulton]

90,000 will be fine. Also 80,000 and 75,000. It's a mystery thriller, it's not suppose to be huge. There is no set lower limit for novels. It's on average around 40,000 words now, but I have seen works that are essentially novellas still sold as novels. I don't think that's an issue for you, though, covering two World Wars and parts of the time in between.

That's good to know.... I have been worrying about that. The story seems to be compressing of its own free will. Scenes that were planned have vanished and others merged. Even whole characters are disappearing. Actually setting it in the "real world" is both easier and harder. You can say an old English church, or Tudor building and folk have a clue what you are on about. You have to think hard when you want to describe something to make it different.

One of the fun things I have found out is that the town had a huge amount of tudor buildings and shop fronts. A lot were pulled down in the 1930's Even more in the 1950's, 60's Even the old borough hall, which I thought had always been there was rebuilt in the 1930's. The old police station that was on the ground floor is a superb place to set something. Also the church railings were removed during WWII and the churchyard turned into a park, the grave stones removed. Yet, in 1922 it was a real old fashioned church yard, which, with the church, was surrounded by houses and shops, totally locked in with just narrow passages round it, and the Victora Square at one end.

 

[KatG]

I have deeply loved Jordan and Martin's series, but I do admit that their success has made me tear my hair out over this resulting assumption that all fantasy must be giant tomes. The average length range used in contracts for mystery novels used to be 75,000-90,000 words. Fantasy had more varied lengths, but the key word is varied. If you're not building an imaginary realm -- and you are not with this work -- then why on earth does it have to be 200,000 words long? Also, it's the first draft. You can always add stuff later, if you think the story needs it.

 

[BrianC]

Let me tell you all, I've just read through the rough draft of the first six chapters. I'm going to read it again more slowly before making private comments to Holbrook, but I will say here . . . wow, genuine and powerful. Fiction writing doesn't get better than this.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Let me tell you all, I've just read throughthe rogh draft of the first six chapters. I'm going to read it again more slowly before making private comments to Holbrook, but I will say here . . . wow, genuine and powerful. Fiction writing doesn't get better than this.

Gulp

 

[Susan Boulton]

Chapter Seven is heavy going. Half way through it and I know I am going to go back today and re-write most of it.

Eight should be easier. In fact that might be the problem I have the dialogue for eight running through my head.

Anyway, hope to have a good four hours on the machine later.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Seven has been hell lol... narely done with the first draft of it.

The problem is all this writing is spawning ideas. I am making notes and outlines. Not enough hours in a morning... lol....

 

[Susan Boulton]

I am scrapping chapter Seven, it does not feel right. Re-thinking this section. Though the character that is introduced in that chapter will be used, hopefully in a better way...

I have hit a bit of a wall if I am honest and lots of doubts about my writing skill and ability to tell this tale are dragging me down. Actually been a few months since I had a bout of this and it is normal when I am working on a project. I doubt myself an awful lot with regards to my writing, when working on something the doubts can become monsters.

These monsters are made worse at present by rejections or rather the lack of them. I have a number of email queries out with agents, and while I understand that they are busy, I just wish that if they had no interest in my work they would send a quick email rather than leaving me in limbo, not knowing if that query is dead so I can submit another manuscript to them.

 

[KatG]

You're assuming they've had a chance to read the query yet. This is traditionally one of the times of year when publishing folk are behind.

I don't know what we are going to do about your monster Inner Weasels. Because I really would like you to write this story so I can read it. How am I going to deal with not finding out what happens to Hardy and Alfred? It's not fair to dangle the story in front of us -- and I made a special effort as I so seldom get time to read works asking for critique -- get us all interested and then yank it away. But I suppose chaining you to a desk would be unfair. And impractical.

Remember Wrede's scale of authors working on books:

Level 1: the book
Level 2: the stupid book
Level 3: the damn book
Level 4: the #$%^ book
Levels 5-6: increasingly unmentionable phrases book

So you just went up a level, that's all.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Apologies Kat, I will finish the damn book I promise. Been a bad week in real life (work sucks at present and the problems are following me home) and this seventh chapter has not felt right at all.

Though your comments about weasels has helped. I found I needed one. I had Albert (renamed Arthur as I have an Albert in another story out with a publisher at present) doing too much, things not in character. He can't run his scam/robberies by himself, he needs at least one henchman/weasel besides Marie. In fact he needs an educated weasel to ferret out the information he needs. So while waiting in the local Chinese takeaway (we have one in the village now! So no 8 mile drive to get a meal! Yes!!!!) My mind was mulling over the creation of this weasel. Also the local criminal boss needs to be reworked a bit. I was going to have him allowing Albert/Arthur to work his patch, now I am not so sure. Might make it interesting if the boss is helping the police inspector. I should have the re-written chapter seven done today, then eight started.


As to the queries it was the ones I sent in November that are annoying me. I know I shouldn't let them, but a rejection feels better than no answer, silly I know.

 

[KatG]

See, you're just developing the story. Now we have an interesting henchman coming up. I do like Alfred for a name better than Arthur. I think it's the King Arthur association maybe. Can't you have two Alfred's? Think of all the John's in fiction.

I know what you mean about life. I have not had an even keel since September. Now our arthritic 17-year-old dog is ill and too skinny, and we're trying to get food into him while paying our vet a small fortune. The upside is he gets to eat lots of meat. Perhaps he is running an elaborate scam.

Remember the mantra of first drafts -- I'll fix it later. When I actually do manage to write, I have to tell myself this about ten times, but it does seem to work.

 

[BrianC]

Also the local criminal boss needs to be reworked a bit. I was going to have him allowing Albert/Arthur to work his patch, now I am not so sure. Might make it interesting if the boss is helping the police inspector. I should have the re-written chapter seven done today, then eight started.

Well knowing what I know, I'd advise to have the local boss (with the local constabulary in his or her pocket) not being happy with Albert/Arthur at all. This adds a third axis of the action, instead of it simply being Hardy vs. Albert.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Well knowing what I know, I'd advise to have the local boss (with the local constabulary in his or her pocket) not being happy with Albert/Arthur at all. This adds a third axis of the action, instead of it simply being Hardy vs. Albert.

I have an idea for the "local boss". Been thinking on it off and on all day. It would mean introducing another POV. That would make three, Arthur/Albert, Hardy and Taffy. (I did want to keep it to two, but it is beginning to look like I need at least one more. ) I hope it will work, should do, not so much a "boss" but a retired one so to speak. The events are set in a English county town circa 1920's, there would not be a huge amount of crime, though the county Gaol being in the town (still is) would mean there would be a few criminals or ex ones about.

 

[Susan Boulton]

<Insert a string of swear words here> Second attempt at chapter Seven is scrapped. It sucks! Though writing it has helped me sought out the characters of Arthur/Albert's henchmen.

I thought it would be a good idea to show them arrving in town, (this was the idea behind the whole chapter in both the first and second versions) It slowed the story to a crawl and nothing really happened. Have a different approach brewing for the chapter now and chapter eight. Though which will be which I am not yet sure. Though I doubt I wll get to write it this side of Sunday real life will be dragging me away from the net for the rest of the week.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Chapter Seven is finally done! Am now at 28,000 words just over a third done, so the first draft looks like being round about 80,000 to 90,000words.

Going to read it over before I start chapter eight. One thing is that it is very dialogue heavy, the whole book is so far. Chapter seven also introduces a new POV character, making it three now. I don't think I need another, least I hope not, it would unbalance the work too much.

One thing is I need to not make things seem to planned in chapter seven, it was something I noticed when I had finished. I need to have the character still with a lot of questions unanswered. Anyway hopefully this coming week will be one when I can get to the keyboard a bit more than of late and get chapter eight done and chapter nine started. I do want to hit at least 50,000 words by Easter if I can. That would break the back in the story and I would be on the down hill slope.

Also something that is coming out in this work is how the new character and Albert/Arthur whatever his name will be and speaking more and more like what I do, or rather the local accent, humour and manner where I live is colouring them a huge amount.

 

[KatG]

You may find that you need one more pov here and there, but keep it small since that's how you want to have this one, and it makes sense for a straight suspense story. That the accent is changing a bit isn't a surprise -- you're getting to know your characters and story better. You are also figuring out what you want to do with everything, so don't worry too much about action and pacing yet, while your brain is concentrating on this, would be my advice. Try to figure out a few action points in the plot -- times when action would naturally occur, and then what needs to go around those. Remember that you opened with quite a lot of action -- the war sections that begin and end the story are going to be more action-intensive than the middle, but you do want to keep the sense of haunting and tension going, maybe. But still, keep giving yourself freedom to do anything, including not quite working things in the first draft, because this is just your brain working things out on paper. You can always change things later.

Except for Chapter One. I'm arguing violently still for the original Chapter One.