December Flash Fiction Voting Thread

[NilsDesperandum]

Please read all the entries for this months Christmas themed writing contest before casting your vote accordingly.

Poll closes Christmas Eve whereupon one of those lucky people will be presented with the highly coveted prize of running the first ever 2009 flash fiction contest!

Good luck to all, and remember:

your vote counts, use it.

ND

 

[Dawnstorm]

Gift Giving: It's been hunching within me for some time now, but I know it's hunched a full-grown hunch: in these last few flash fiction contests you've been writing metalogues á la Gergory Bateson. The content of the conversation is the structure of the story is the content of the conversation... Bearing this in mind, I think your conversations might profit from "image control". In the present story: Why are they drinking? What are they drinking? When are they drinking (as opposed to talking)? [There might actually be a pattern to it I missed...]

The Joy's of Christmas: Oh dear, poor Matnis... There must be thousands of people around who understand (and millions who torment them).

Heavenly Peace: A very interesting story, hinging heavily on the song "Silent Night". A couple of comments from a native speaker's perspective (I'm Austrian and not leaving far from where the song was written): (1) You got the lyrics right; trouble is - barely any native speaker ever does. People tend to sing "hochheilige" instead of "heilige" (better text-to-rhythm match, I suppose); and "lockigten", though in the original text (I sometimes read "lok-kigen" to space out the syllables on sheet music). Still, most native speakers sing either "im lockigen", or "in lockigem" (which would be the most natural version). I have no idea what soldiers in the World Wars might have sung, though. (2) "Heavenly Peace" makes a nice title, being a quote from the song. The German counterpart, though, has different connotations, "Ruh'" being literally "no sound", and in extension "no movement, no disturbance". So, to me, on a metaphorical level, the English lyrics suggest actual "peace", while the German lyrics suggest more of a ceasefire (which does tend to be one of the kitsch interpretations of Christmas, oddly enough.) // Just random comments. The story is very well executed, and ends, as I read it, in a mixture of exhaustion, relief and disbelief.

A Christmas Wish: I can't say I get the "rule" behind the ending, and neither do I understand this line in the light of this ending, which sounds key: "Incidently, I was asked that very question once, a long time ago. My answer was how I came to be a genie." Shouldn't the final wish have affected the wisher? What am I missing? (I do like the cross-cultural wishing index you set up, though.)

Faraway Holiday: Solitude at Christmas - job related. Well executed, especially little Megan speaking; she comes alive. The ending's quite complex, too - all with just a book and a title. (One minor comment: I'm terribly fond of the "addressing comma". If I'd written this, it would have been "I'm Megan, Santa." Thus reading, "I'm Megan Santa," makes me think she has a felicitous family name. )

Merry Christmas Larry!: Noooooooooooooo! The scariest dystopia to date. *Shivers* (I must distract myself by pointing out another lack of an "addressing comma": "Merry Christmas, Larry!" Am I the only one who likes the "addressing comma"? )

Cookies and Milk: The kind, fat guy, and the carpenter. It's a consistently sentimental story that fits the theme very well. A low-key, subtle, meditative story, and a good read.

Letters from the Diaspora: Now, here's an interesting entry. I like the edited-letter idea. Kudos for bypassing any sort of sentimentality or cynicism. It's a simple letter and works as such. Can't judge historical matters; I know too little about the middle ages.

1200 Glenview Road, or, the Marriage of Time: An interesting take on time travel: alternate timelines under a superposition model rather than multiple worlds - which allows interesting takes on morality and consequence. In this case it's about the morality of presents. (And in the background hovers the idea of "White Christmas" when you can control the weather.) Intriguing.

Intercalary Christmas: People argue about Jesus' birthdate all the time, but few ever argue about Calenders. Heh. Nice job; santa has come. A day late and in disguise, but who's going to be picky when the present's great? (Oh, and I didn't know the word "intercalary". So thanks for that as well.)

Nativity: Best opening line. An interesting and surreal story. Interesting shooting star metaphor, too. Though the ending suggests genesis more than Christmas, I feel. Still, full points for stunning creativity and great prose. (Isn't it "metric tonnes"?)

And now for the part I hate the most. Voting. And this time I have more candidates than usual, too. Grr... I'm in the pre-Christmas spirit.

Stress!

Anyway: I think I'll go for "Cookies and Milk" this time round. Can't tell you why. Perhaps because it's the least stressful of all the equally worthy candidates?

Well done, everyone.

 

[Hereford Eye]

The Joys of Christmas – Personality quirks – mine or the characters - always do me in. While Kyrstael’s age is unspecified, her behavior seems to skip back and forth between juvenile and young adult. If the latter, then she has a mean streak as wide as the Amazon. If the former, then she is going to grow into an obnoxious founder of a new me-generation.

Heavenly Peace – a decent take on a perennial tale. There’s a lesson buried in this tale that ought to be examined at length. I always find myself considering what this says about man, religion, and the convenience factor.

A Christmas Wish – as mentioned earlier, I thoroughly enjoyed this object lesson in the nastiness of our imprecise languages.

Far Away Holiday – Why Goodnight Moon? I missing something important, I know, but in the dream she asked for a word book, not pictures, and she gets Goodnight Moon?

Merry Christmas, Larry – oh, the evil in this one! A joy forever. If you had included the new mercury-laden lamp bulbs, it would have been even more better. A contender for my vote.

Cookies and Milk – you must enjoy the line “Bloody Google earth, it's the north pole for crying out loud!" Another contender for my vote. The build-up to the punch line was well-crafted and I didn’t see it coming. What more can you ask?

Letters from the Diaspora – enjoyed the setup as a historical document already studied to the nth detail by modern historians. Too bad the limitations of the forum precluded getting it just as you envisioned it.

1200 Glenview Road – the story’s concept is brilliant, sending yourself a Christmas present designed to make up for all the unsatisfactory Christmas you have endured.

Intercalary Christmas _ what a neat word: intercalary. Thanks for that. But, I got lost trying to figure out the math. If they had a calendar program, why didn’t they know how long they’d been there?

Nativity – re-ignite the sun? Not certain how that works. Interesting piece that hooked me but then lost me. Too much taken for granted?

When it comes to voting, among my two contenders, I find myself leaning towards Cookies and Milk but then the savage humor in Larry yanks me back. Got to go with Larry.

 

[mylinar]

It's kind of funny. I had everything written, edited and word counted, except the last couple of lines. When I wrote them I drew a complete blank on children's books and what could be a good example. The only thing that came to mind was the one I used, and only then because I'd recently seen it used in the final Opus comic strip. I am sure that I've never seen it myself even though it is considered a classic.

Everytime I write one of these flash stories I learn something I could do better, and this month's lesson is: do some research.

 

[Hereford Eye]

Why are they drinking? What are they drinking? When are they drinking (as opposed to talking)?

They are drinking hot buttered rum, a very nice cold winter night drink that takes the chill off.
Why are they drinking? In a bar? What else is there to do in a bar?
I picture the main characters as regulars, come to enjoy the company, talk about things that interest or bother them. You may remember the TV show "Cheers" and the two guys at the end of the bar every night; they're prototypes for the two guys who keep coming back to The Chapel.
The other important person is the bartender and his backstory continues to develop. Curious? I hope so. And, if so, then consider he was around to witness the invention of the Singapore Sling.

 

[Black.Rose.Sin]

Thanks for your feedback, Hereford Eye and Dawnstorm!

In response to your comment, Hereford Eye, I imagined Kyrstael to be in the form of a young, innocent, cute girl, but she is really, like, centuries old. But I'm sorry for not making it clear.

And as for you, Dawnstorm, I literally snorted with laughter at your statement. How true it is...XD

If I read it correctly, I assume that you both liked it, so thanks!

 

[Dawnstorm]

If I read it correctly, I assume that you both liked it, so thanks!

Yep, fun read. There are stories you enjoy, but you don't really know what to say about them. This is one of them.

 

[Nerro]

The addressing comma adds some cachet it's true.

I enjoyed writing a distopic story, I hope you guys enjoy reading it!

 

[warfitz45]

A use for your flash fiction

To all:

I *really* wanted to get into this contest but couldn't figure out how to post stories. i did stumble across it once, but once I uploaded the story and completed the formatting that I hoped would work, it'd timed out and didn't recognize my name so... I didn't get to

HOWEVER, this is the season of GIVING and if I couldn't share w/ you my Christmas story, I will share w/ you something you could do w/ yours.

Since 1999, I have wrote Christmas stories that I use for Christmas cards. In '98, I'd become agitated w/ the practice of giving out cards w/ a simple phrase and then signing your name to it (or not even signing your name, but having that printed also). It seemed so impersonal. I set out on a plan to put a personal message to each person receiving my card. That's fine for some close friends, but when trying to do it for my entire church (around 100 members), I found it a bit much.

In '99, the pastor asked me to write a short story that could be a part of that year's Christmas cantata. I did, but then realized that the story, if I can throw on some quick art and format it in publisher, would make a great card that had a bit of myself in it. So... that started a tradition.

I've completed 6-7 new flash fiction stories (1000-1300 words). It's been great because I get readers, and though none of it fits into my usual genres, it's been a great exercise. The biggest challenge is how to keep it fresh each year and to stay w/in the expectations of my readers. It's been great as a friends & family activity (frequently) w/ my son at 2 or 3 decorating the cards w/ a stamper (yeah, scary) and coloring the template for another card. The series I'm currently doing (The Cabin) has a front cover illustration done by a good friend and former co-worker. I've passed out anywhere from 100 to 250 just in my small circle of friends and family (I moved and go to a smaller church now). I've received some accolades and great moments - it's really cool to have the VP of the company I work for actually get giddy over getting the latest card. One year, I had an argument break out (friendly, but still) over who got the cards and who didn't (and why I skipped them); I'd not printed enough. The only bad I can say is that my last job didn't appreciate it that much (it was the 1st time I'd used stories as cards). They said things like, "this card is going to take too long to read." But then, that fits the people I worked w/ at that time - definitely NON-readers!

Don't let these stories languish. If you need ideas on how to make them into cards, or maybe even help from me, I'll be glad to help out. And finally, if you're interested, when I finish my website I will have a section devoted to writing Christmas stories. Of course, it will contain my fiction, but I'm certainly not opposed to posting other people's fiction (and secretly hope for it).

Excellent concept idea and I look forward to both reading, giving feedback, and then voting.

wf

 

[ChuckReina]

Warfitz, that is a sweet and wonderful idea. Thank you for sharing it.

 

[Hoodwink]

Gift Giving - Hereford Eye/Dan Bieger
These stories keep rewarding my attention with their warmth and gentle wisdom. They remind me that people should take their time over good conversation like they do over a good meal. And that I shouldn't rush my own writing.

Joys of Christmas - Black.Rose.Sin/Sid Arbaon
It was fun in the way that a Tom and Jerry cartoon is fun. This psychotic alien girl bully is not as cute as Jerry though.

Heavenly Peace - NilsDesperandum/Nils Durban
This is a beautifully written piece about hope in the midst of despair. Authentic, haunting and endearing. A definite contender for this month's vote.

A Christmas Wish - Steve Jones/B5
A fun tale. I particularly loved the caustic cynicism of the genie. I just didn't quite understand the ending (why the Genie becomes santa rather than making Chris into Santa), but that took nothing away from the Another quality entry.

Far Away Holiday - Mylinar/Jim Washburn
I like the start of this story particularly how it builds atmosphere of pervasive peace. An interesting use of tense too. I don't know the book that features at the end though so maybe something of the message is lost on me, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Merry Christmas Larry - Nerro/Thomas Vand
Guessing that English is not your first language, I have to applaud a very well told piece of black humour. The only thing that confused me is why poor Larry went to prison and not his wife Enjoyable stuff Nerro.

Cookies and Milk - Marshwriter/Carin Marais
I remember from last month how well you do dialogue Carin, and it's there to see again. The tale lost me in the end and I just didn't get the punchline or who the two old fellows were, but I laughed out loud twice. Elegant, warm writing, and a contender for my vote.

Letters from the Diaspora - The Ghost/Sean Regan
So breathtakingly authentic that I didn't know whether I was reading fiction or a genuine historical document. I enjoyed the footnotes, especially sadness of the final one. A lot of talent on display here - I can't wait to see what you produce next time.

1200 Glenview Road - Fung Koo/Chris Allen F
A Wonderful concept - alternate subjective timelines converge - played out with authentic emotion and written with seemingly effortless stlye and grace (even though you 'fessed that it was anything but effortless). It's so good you could make a film out of it as it stands. Contender.

Intercalary - Chuck Reina
Nice use of imagery with the sadness of the makeshift, yellowing christmas decorations contrasting with the happy ending. I thought it showed how christmas can be whenever you want it to be, ie a state of mind, rather than an arbitary calender value.

My vote
If I could split my vote it would go half to Nils for Heavenly Peace and half to Chris for 1200 Glenview Road, so closely did I enjoy the both of them. Just because Christmas was the theme, I vote for Nils because his tale contained that little bit of spiritual tinsel. An honorable mention to Marshwriter too for another beguiling tale, and Ghost for an interesting and original debut.

~Hoodwink

 

[Nerro]

Merry Christmas Larry - Nerro/Thomas Vand
Guessing that English is not your first language, I have to applaud a very well told piece of black humour. The only thing that confused me is why poor Larry went to prison and not his wife Enjoyable stuff Nerro.

What gave me away?

 

[Fung Koo]

Gift Giving by Dan Bieger

An interesting essay on the topic of how we take ritual seriously when we know it's all pageantry. Or, how do we feel genuine in giving when we're expected to give. The story offers some comfortable resolution to the issue -- that it's merely a matter of perspective -- and that both sides of the argument are valuable to each other. I wonder at the significance, though, that Stephen ultimately leaves the bar alone. All other things in the story being equal, this is the uncomfortable resolution that we are all ultimately alone, and victims of ourselves. I'm not certain if this story ends with hope, despair, or both. But it's this suggestion that's the point that clinches it, and makes either one OK. Very nice, all around, and in contention.

Joys of Christmas by Sid Arbaon

This was a fun story. My only beef is that I'm not sure that the aliens would call themselves aliens, but rather than they would view us and our weird culture as alien. But other than that, I was thoroughly entertained.

Heavenly Peace by NilsDesp.

As yes, the Christmas Truce of 1914. According to Canadians, this is supposedly a Canadian story (who were then British subjects). I poked around on web resources today to find out if any particular group had any particular claim to the story, but it seems there's nothing (online, anyway) to verify if this really is a Canadian story or not. So we'll leave it at "British" and make like it's the message that counts! Now... this is a flash fiction contest, yeah? So I guess the question is whether or not an historically factual tale with a certain degree of fictionalization still qualifies as fiction or not... Hmmm... Oh well, let's call it historical fiction and be done with it! Well written, and another contender.

Christmas Wish by Steve Jones

I can't even tell you how many D&D campaigns in my past were foiled by mischievous genies. And funnily enough, D&D is something that I associate strongly with Xmas (when we were all off school and we'd play for two weeks straight, living off of shortbread and fudge and haystacks and macaroons... oi!). I'm not sure why/how the wish backfired onto the genie, though. But still, the final statement made me laugh out loud, so logic be damned!

Far Away Holiday by Jim Washburn

Goodnight to a very different moon, indeed. A bit of magic in the universe for a holiday miracle on the way to Titan. I know you've said elsewhere the choice was based on a lack of options, but to me it was perfect characterization. I made a (perhaps accidental) connection, that Goodnight Moon was the root of Meghan's adventures in space. Whether that was intentional on the author's part or not doesn't matter -- it introduces layers to the story that mightn't otherwise be there. Well written and enigmatic to the end. A contender.

Merry Christmas Larry by Thomas Vand

Ah... Christmas in Dystopia I liked the story, but found the flow a bit weak. It's in need of a good clean-up on dialogue spacing, and with that I think most of the flow would be resolved. I thought the world, itself, was very interesting. Very vertically stacked, yes? And, hilariously reminiscent of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Cookies & Milk by Carin Marais

I'm sorry, but I'm totally lost. There's some key piece of information that I'm missing. I keep reading and rereading and I'm still just as lost. Some help?

Letters f t Diaspora by Sean Regan

Kind of like an interesting take on "I'll Be Home for Christmas." It has real verisimilitude to it -- the characters feel like they really once lived. It's a nice snapshot of a lost past, when everything was much slower, and family wasn't just a phone call or plane trip away.

1200 Glenview Road by me

Anyone get the reference in the title?

Intercalary Christmas by Chuck Reina

Very nice, tidy little story. Believable characters, and the central conceit is something that has been known to happen in reality more than once. I wonder if the name of Ms. Neumann is supposed to carry the implication it does -- a pointless machine. All in all, an enjoyable read, and in contention.

Nativity by Pete Warner

Very impressive imagery. I feel that there must be a whole background of thought that goes into understanding this story properly, though, and I'm not sure I've gleaned all of it. The celebration of Christmas juxtaposed against the celebration of Easter -- both requiring a villain to bring the martyr to life. A very impressive blending of tropes from fantasy and SF, with a pinch or two of religion in the mix. Great wordsmithing.

 

[Black.Rose.Sin]

Joys of Christmas by Sid Arbaon

This was a fun story. My only beef is that I'm not sure that the aliens would call themselves aliens, but rather than they would view us and our weird culture as alien. But other than that, I was thoroughly entertained.

I never actually thought of that...Hm, maybe I need to work this one out. Thanks for pointing it out- and I'm glad that you liked it!

Joys of Christmas - Black.Rose.Sin/Sid Arbaon
It was fun in the way that a Tom and Jerry cartoon is fun. This psychotic alien girl bully is not as cute as Jerry though. (Quote from Hoodwink)

Thanks- I was really cracking up about the Tom and Jerry comparison. That seriously never crossed my mind at all!

 

[Hoodwink]

What gave me away?

Four things - your profile says western europe, the story is based near Amsterdam, you have a sense of humour very similar to a friend of mine in Leiden, and you have excellent English. So I guessed you were Dutch

1200 Glenview Road by me
Anyone get the reference in the title?

I did wonder if you'd matched the house number with the word count?

 

[Mayreen]

I liked how Nativity references re-igniting the sun.
Dec 25 is an ancient sun worship date. Astronomically, the sun has spent 3 days 'dead' at its furthest point from the earth in the northern hemisphere and is now on its was back.

A much older 'Christmas' celebration.

 

[Hoodwink]

Hmm, I didn't know that Mayreen. I thought it was close to the winter equinox actually.

I'm not sure my "reigniting the sun" idea has worked (probably what happens when predominantly fantasy readers write anything with an element of sci-fi, and write them a sentence at a time over the course of a busy week). I could claim it's metaphorical for a new era of life but more likely it's me remembering something from ancient myth about Gods using souls to power suns.

Still, I'm glad you liked it, and thanks.

 

[Fung Koo]

Haha, not quite

 

[Hereford Eye]

Entrance to old nuclear bunker - from the 50s?
Google maps, you know.

 

[Fung Koo]

Entrance to old nuclear bunker - from the 50s?
Google maps, you know.

Is that the missing link to cookies & milk? Is this some timely news story that I'm lost on?

So, so lost...