Internet Friendships....

[e-Morgana]

Marie that was beautifully said. You are indeed a very special person I do believe, and the world could do with lots more just like you.

 

[Erebus]

Some great sentiments shared here. I think most decent folk treat their internet friendships as they would those they have on a face-to-face basis. Sadly, this also means that you open yourself up to relative strangers who perhaps don't hold the exact same values and reciprocal respect. Just as it can be in real life, so it can be in cyber life that you are hurt and betrayed, only in the case of the Internet, the hurt and betrayal is largely faceless, and therefore a lot more upsetting, IMO at least.

I think those who treat their online relationships with commensurate caution are indeed wise to do so. After all, we never really know who many of us are opening ourselves up to - at least in most cases anyway. Take me for example - I'm sure you all think I'm this 43-year-old writer, publisher and real estate agent from Australia...when in actual fact, I am actually a cross-dressing grandmother from Nigeria, with a fetish for second-hand fishnet stockings and diamond-studded sandals.

 

[e-Morgana]

Originally posted by Erebus
Just as it can be in real life, so it can be in cyber life that you are hurt and betrayed, only in the case of the Internet, the hurt and betrayal is largely faceless, and therefore a lot more upsetting, IMO at least.

I agree whole heartedly with Erebus here. The potential for pain, hurt and disappointment is always there. I have experienced this myself.

Originally posted by Erebus
I think those who treat their online relationships with commensurate caution are indeed wise to do so.

Wise perhaps...but I would still prefer to give folk the benefit of the doubt.

At the end of the day, I don't think I could change my personality to be as cautious as I probably should be. It's just the way I am.

 

[Marie]

Originally posted by e-Morgana
Marie that was beautifully said. You are indeed a very special person I do believe, and the world could do with lots more just like you.

 

[Erebus]

Originally posted by e-Morgana

...I don't think I could change my personality to be as cautious as I probably should be. It's just the way I am.

I too was like this, however the harsh reality of unforseen circumstances meant that I had to change my way of thinking somewhat. It was either that or spend more time at the gym (looks at stomach and realises that it's just way too late for the gym!) so that I could build up my back and shoulders - there just ain't no more room for the daggers!

 

[Susan Boulton]

Originally posted by Erebus
Take me for example - I'm sure you all think I'm this 43-year-old writer, publisher and real estate agent from Australia...when in actual fact, I am actually a cross-dressing grandmother from Nigeria, with a fetish for second-hand fishnet stockings and diamond-studded sandals.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Now there's a choice! Which is more interesting.

Question: Do you find your big toes tend to find the holes in the fish nets....

P.S. And does Cad still pinch them?

Seriously though: certain aspects of my life I do keep private, mainly I prefer to be judged by what I say rather than what I am.

I have found the people, do label you if they know you are a or b or from c or d.

My efforts to write have been the cause of much amusement to many real life friends both close and casual. It's nice to have somewhere, where I am taken seriously and my work is judged for what it is not who I am.

 

[Marie]

Originally posted by Erebus
Some great sentiments shared here. I think most decent folk treat their internet friendships as they would those they have on a face-to-face basis. Sadly, this also means that you open yourself up to relative strangers who perhaps don't hold the exact same values and reciprocal respect. Just as it can be in real life, so it can be in cyber life that you are hurt and betrayed, only in the case of the Internet, the hurt and betrayal is largely faceless, and therefore a lot more upsetting, IMO at least.

I think those who treat their online relationships with commensurate caution are indeed wise to do so. After all, we never really know who many of us are opening ourselves up to - at least in most cases anyway. Take me for example - I'm sure you all think I'm this 43-year-old writer, publisher and real estate agent from Australia...when in actual fact, I am actually a cross-dressing grandmother from Nigeria, with a fetish for second-hand fishnet stockings and diamond-studded sandals.

Of course we never know exactly who we meet at the internet.
But this we never do in reality either.

For example my ex. husband.
There was a time when he loved me and cared for me.
At least this was what I thought.
I thought he was a good man.
I was sleeping in his arms and I thought I was safe and that I knew him well.
But inside him there was a very dark and dangerous side I did not knew about.
In the end I have to fight for my life and the police have to protect me from him.
So we can never really know who people are inside.

Despite this I will take the risk to show the true me.
Because if I not dare to be the one I REALLY AM there is no meaning for me to make friendship and communicate with other people.

Anyway I can not act...
I am what I am.
If it is good or it is bad,
I do not really know.
But it is me.
Nothing more and nothing less,
only me.
So you could take it or you could leave it.
At least I am truly me..

 

[Erebus]

Originally posted by Holbrook

It's nice to have somewhere, where I am taken seriously and my work is judged for what it is not who I am.

Nicely put, H...couldn't agree more.

Sadly, Cad no longer shares an interest in my fishnets. *sniffs*

 

[Rocketsheep]

Originally posted by Radthorne
Rocketsheep said: I'm not really a nice little sheep.

OMG! I'm crushed...

I know, it came as a shock to me too when the psychologist first told me but I'm getting used to the idea... now, if I could just cure my fishnetstockingphobia... life would be easy!

PS... looked at your book... looks fabulous.

 

[Pirate Jenn]

Erebus--You should rejoice, you know. If Cad doesn't share your interest, then he won't buy up all the second-hand stockings before you can get to them, eh?

Speaking of...saw a pair of hideous orange fishnets the other day. Ugh. With a purple skirt. An optical feast!

1. I feel that they're real and valid. As I'm extremely paranoid in real life, my habits online are no different.

2. My longest friendship? Since ::counts fingers:: :ulls off sock:: Almost exactly twelve years. ::biting nails:: I know, that's pretty long, eh? Tell me about it...we were in high school...and now... ::gasp:: CK has all these kids and...

3. Now, over 12 years, the few friendships I still have are so utterly changed. At times, they were deeper, at times quite shallow/silent. We communicate sporadically, but the love be deep, that's for sure. Lost track of a few friends from my first board about 5 years ago...and I still really miss them!

4. Yes, I've met several...but only in group settings... And, yes, their online personalities reflected the offline. Or vice-versa...whichever you prefer.

 

[Sammie]

Originally posted by e-Morgana
Anyway - I have always tended to think the best of people (much to my Dad's continual consternation) until they prove otherwise - I think it's too late to change now.

This used to be me....but now i save trust til it's earned. But when i say i trust someone, i don't mean i believe they will never lie to me, or do anything that might cause me pain, or that they will keep every secret i pass to them. These are very specicfic trusts.....what i withold is a general trust - trust that the person has my best interests at heart, whatever it is they do.

In my experience, giving that faith too easily is just one more way of putting yourself in the line of fire. Although, have to say that what Marie has to say has made me wonder if i should think again on that one. (Thanks Marie )

 

[Rocketsheep]

Hmmmmm....

it would be nice to trust completely without feeling naive but when the people closest to you betray you... you learn to reserve a hard toffee centre... people can lick off the top layers of chocolate but the centre is going to take some nasty chewing.

 

[Daenerys]

Sometimes you gotta risk getting hurt to find the best friends. That goes for RL or internet-based friendships. Now I am not THAT trusting, but I go with my instincts. And they've never been wrong so far. Yes, there are people out there that you can trust, and yes, there are some you should not. But it would be such a waste if you can't find a few friends that can really be supportive of you, because they know you through and through. And some will find such friends online, and others will find the ..well... offline.

Sammie: you should just go with your instincts. You do not seem that paranoid to me. Trust me (bad, bad pun...sorry), I've seen people online that were so paranoid, I wondered why they had an internet connection to begin with.

To add to the discussion: i have noticed that internet friendships provide you with a totally different way of finding friends. You do not base your likes and dislikes on appearances for one. Or age. Or dress code. You find people you might otherwise have ignored.

 

[Sammie]

I like the fact that the interent can allow you to meet people who are TOTALLY similar to you, that you simply would never have met in RL, cos of the 6 thousands miles away that they are

Originally posted by Daenerys
Sammie: you should just go with your instincts. You do not seem that paranoid to me. Trust me (bad, bad pun...sorry)

*groan*

But ta

Originally posted by Rocketsheep
it would be nice to trust completely without feeling naive but when the people closest to you betray you... you learn to reserve a hard toffee centre... people can lick off the top layers of chocolate but the centre is going to take some nasty chewing.

I want to agree with this....but the metaphor is just TOO gross!!

 

[e-Morgana]

Originally posted by Sammie
what i withold is a general trust - trust that the person has my best interests at heart, whatever it is they do.

That's a perfect analogy of what I would aim to have from a friend, Sammie.

In fact, I was talking to my sister the other day, and said nearly exactly the same thing to her. We were joking about a secret that I theoretically shouldn't have passed on, but it was in the person's best interests to get advice from another source. I told her that it wasn't 'keeping the secret' that was important, it was knowing what to do with the secret to maximise the benefit, that mattered most.

If I know, that YOU know, that I would never do anything I didn't think was in your best interests - then I am very happy. It's all I would ever want.

Anyone who thinks otherwise, obviously doesn't know the first thing about me.

 

[Marie]

Originally posted by Sammie
This used to be me....but now i save trust til it's earned. But when i say i trust someone, i don't mean i believe they will never lie to me, or do anything that might cause me pain, or that they will keep every secret i pass to them. These are very specicfic trusts.....what i withold is a general trust - trust that the person has my best interests at heart, whatever it is they do.

In my experience, giving that faith too easily is just one more way of putting yourself in the line of fire. Although, have to say that what Marie has to say has made me wonder if i should think again on that one. (Thanks Marie )

You are welcome.
I am happy if I can help some one.

 

[Marie]

Originally posted by e-Morgana

That's a perfect analogy of what I would aim to have from a friend, Sammie.

In fact, I was talking to my sister the other day, and said nearly exactly the same thing to her. We were joking about a secret that I theoretically shouldn't have passed on, but it was in the person's best interests to get advice from another source. I told her that it wasn't 'keeping the secret' that was important, it was knowing what to do with the secret to maximise the benefit, that mattered most.

If I know, that YOU know, that I would never do anything I didn't think was in your best interests - then I am very happy. It's all I would ever want.

Anyone who thinks otherwise, obviously doesn't know the first thing about me.

I agree with you completly.

But I am very careful with other person's secret and private life.
There have to be a very very extreme, serious and special reason if I will not keep a secret.

 

[Marie]

Re: Hmmmmm....

Originally posted by Rocketsheep
it would be nice to trust completely without feeling naive but when the people closest to you betray you... you learn to reserve a hard toffee centre... people can lick off the top layers of chocolate but the centre is going to take some nasty chewing.

Of course this could happen.
In fact this happen very easily, I know very well.
I have been there too,
but I realized I was the one who lose most when I act like this.
Because I did not only close my soul to protect me from bad things.
I did also close my soul from everything good, friendship and love.

Of course every one have to make their own choose how they want to live their life.
I never ever want to tell any one what they should do or think.
I have not any need at all to make people think in the way I do.
I have not any need at all to have right.
So this is only my opinion about this.

 

[e-Morgana]

Originally posted by Marie
But I am very careful with other person's secret and private life.

Oh definitely Marie. That goes without saying.

I would never divulge a secret for some frivolous reason and most times I get their permission before proceeding anyway.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Originally posted by Erebus


Sadly, Cad no longer shares an interest in my fishnets. *sniffs*

Oh pooh! What do I get him for Christmas to go along with the black pudding and a few bottles of Titanic Ale (I have a bet on with J as to whether this would sink the old dragon.)