100% Guaranteed Ways to Create an Amazing Fanasty Novel That People Will Totally Read
by Andrew Smith
Have you ever wanted to write a fantasy novel? Ask yourself seriously, because if you haven’t, then you’re reading the wrong article. Go do something else. Write a mystery novel. Visit a museum. Make a snow fort or sand castle, depending on the season. If the answer to that question is yes, then you’ve come to the right place. Why? Well, I’ll tell you. Because this article contains 100% guaranteed ways to create an amazing fantasy novel that people will totally read. If you took the time to read the subtitle, you would know that. If you looked at the title hoping this was some sort of occult cookbook, then I suggest ordering my best selling occult cookbook, Cauldron Bubble, Add Potatoes and Carrots. Now, as for writing fantasy books, here are the basics:
Part I: Picking a Sub-Genre: Fantasy Adventure or Urban Fantasy?
There are as many sub-genres of fantasy as there are kinds of potatoes- again, I refer you to my cookbook, as many root vegetables also contain magical properties- but I will stick to these two main divisions. What are the differences? Well, urban fantasies tend to be more gothic, by which I mean the authors, regardless of gender, tend to wear dark red lipstick shades with names like “harlot” or “skank” and have black nail polish. Fantasy adventure writers tend to frequent renaissance festivals in full costume, and use their attendance as an excuse not to bathe or shave for extended periods. Of course this is just a tendency. I am a writer of fantasy novels myself, and I showered this morning. I am also wearing clean socks. (In the interests of full disclosure, it is winter as I write this and as a consequence there are no renaissance festivals currently running.)
Authors aside, what are the main differences between these types? Let’s take a look at some basic fantasy elements, how they compare and, time permitting, contrast.
1. Magic.
Fantasy books have lots of this stuff. Sure it’s been done, but it’s not going anywhere soon. In fantasy adventures, magic tends to be used only by people in various kinds of robes, bathrobes (or dressing gowns for our English friends) excluded. Often, it is only used by a particular caste known, in fantasy jargon, as “wizards”. There are as many sub-genres of the wizard as there are of fantasy novels and potatoes. Most often they are attractive young women, or old guys with ZZ Top beards. They prefer to live in towers, so they can peer in their neighbors windows with a telescope for miles around. They are often found in the employ of Kings and Emperors who rely heavily on both their wise council and life-extending magic potions. Why the wizards consent to work for these people, no one really knows.
In urban fantasy, magic is done by homeless people, enigmatic children, and the occasional visiting Shaman, who represents the lost knowledge of ancient peoples to the expansion of western civilization. Scrying, divining, and general future-reading is done by blind gypsies.
2. Dialogue & Naming
If you are trying to decide between urban or adventure settings for your fantasy novel, this is probably the easiest way. Do you want your characters to speak in a way so stilted, verbose, and inconsistently anachronistic that it’s almost unreadable? Do you enjoy using words like thou, thy, tincture, and codpiece? How about made up names like: Mondrake, Gandamon, or Vedera? Well, my friends, fantasy adventure is for you!
Alternately, do you enjoy dark, overwrought soliloquy, but still want your characters to swear using real-life swear words? How about words like: crimson, unloosing, or lurk? Or names like Celine, Mina, or Kristof? That’s right, you’re writing an urban fantasy.
Also, the following sentence can appear in any fantasy novel, addressed to a self-doubting or emotionally distant protagonist (so, any fantasy novel): “They can’t see your soul, Valados, but I can.” This is especially true if your romantic lead has a soul-o-scope.
3. Creatures.
What is a fantasy book solely populated by humans? Crap. No one will read this book. Don’t believe me? Well I don’t believe you either. Think about that for a minute. I will be thinking about fantasy creatures. There is plenty of overlap between urban and adventure fantasies in this category. In both, you can find werewolves, vampires, demons, talking animals who dispense crucial revelations, and dragons. Lots and lots of dragons. But there are differences in how these creatures appear. In your sword-and-sorcery type books, vampires and werewolves tend to live in castles and stalk simple farmers, respectively, and aren’t usually any real threat to your protagonist. In urban fantasy, they both inhabit posh but poorly lit basement clubs full of plush, deep red furniture and draperies, and often are your protagonists. They are also sexy and dressed in black leather (or pleather). If you’re picturing Kate Beckinsale in Underworld right now, you’re not the only one, let me tell you.
One clever way to include a vampire protagonist is to have a detective story with every scene set at night, then bam! The big reveal. Your hard boiled city detective is totally a vampire! And he has been the whole time! Wow!
Now listen closely. This is very important. Werewolves and vampires in urban fantasy are angsty. Hardcore angsty. This has been explored, exploited, and done to death. Ignore the pun and move on, because you will need to come up with some crazy gimmick that will set your vampire/werewolf apart. If you just looked at that and thought, hey! A half-vampire/half-werewolf! Stop. And not just because of the cumbersome punctuation that I and only I can get away with. It’s been done. Other off limits ideas for your vamp/lycanthrope at present include:
- Young girl must deal with being a werewolf and a teenager at the same time;
- Good vampire hunts bad vampires;
- Ass-kicking heroine must deal with ramifications of having a vampire/werewolf boyfriend.
- Vampire finds woman that reminds him of his wife from hundreds of years ago, and falls in love with her. Seriously guys, Bram Stoker called dibs on this one. And you don’t mess with Bram. Because he’s a half-vampire/half-werewolf, and he will eat you for breakfast and then drink your blood as a protein shake. (He’s on a diet.)
However, you can spice up any of these storylines by making one of your characters a shape shifter. This also makes an extra twist for your vampire detective story. Shape-shifting vampire following wives who cheat on their werewolf husbands? Now that’s entertainment.
Although being a vampire in urban fantasy is basically like being in high school, as far as the angst and pointless grudges go, you should not, I repeat NOT bring your vampire characters together in some sort of prom-like dance where they play out all the romantic and social entanglements that have built up over the centuries. Mainly because that is the subject of my as-yet-unpublished manuscript entitled Prom of the Vampires, which I expect a major publisher will snatch up any time now. (Hear that, Penguin Books?)
Creatures you won’t generally find in urban fantasy include elves, dwarves, pixies, orcs, etc. So by all means, do start writing a story about a detective who never takes off his hat until the end when he removes fedora and is revealed to secretly have been an elf the whole time. (You can tell by the pointy ears. This also works for Star Trek fanfic about Spock getting lost in time and getting a job in the 21st century as a big city detective.)
Fantasy adventures have elves by the bucket full. Light, white, forest, mountain, shadow, dark, really dark, downright spooky. You know what? Just start throwing out adjectives. There’s an elf to go along with it. Red? Why not? Aquatic? Of course. Flying? Heck yes! Instant? Sure, just add warm water and stir. They are all regal, cryptic, incredibly long-lived, and really good shots with a bow and arrow. The rest is up to you! Also they hate dwarves.
Dwarves: they’re smelly, hairy, carry big hammers and axes and stuff. Kind of like John Rhys-Davies, which coincidentally is how he got the role in Lord of the Rings.
Orcs: In a word: Ugly. On account of their lack of sex appeal, they don’t get the chance to be angsty anti-heroes like vampires. Sorry, orcs.
Pixies: In some accounts, small winged creatures who spontaneously generate a special kind of dust. I suspect this is some kind of glandular excretion, so please don’t sprinkle me with it. I will punch you. Also, they are confused by manmade lights, and will often circle porch lights for hours. Or maybe that’s moths.
But don’t be limited by this list. There’s plenty of other mythical beasts out there. I haven’t even touched on dryads, nymphs or mythical birds. Although I will give one note on the phoenix. Lay off the phoenix wherever possible. Sure, it bursts into flames at the end of its life only to be reborn from its own ashes. So what? So do salamanders. Where’s the love for salamanders, huh? I’m talking to you, J.K. Rowling! Just because Fawkes was named after Guy Fawkes Day, or so I assume, and that happens to be the best holiday ever, don’t think I’m letting you off the hook on this one. (In the interests of full disclosure once again, the phoenix does appear in one something I’ve written. But it’s not my fault, I swear! I would make it a salamander if I could, but history has other ideas.)
4. Dragons.
Since dragon books could practically be their own genre- just ask Anne McCaffrey- they get their own section. There’s not much I can do about it; the Dragon Lobby is far too powerful. But out of protest it will be brief. Dragons in urban fantasies are often featured in the “last of its kind” sort of story line, in which it is befriended by a) gruff warrior guy or b) little kid. The little kid is usually a boy, since the girls are too busy dealing with being werewolves. This plot works just as well in urban and adventure fantasies. In the former, the dragon was hibernating below the London Underground (or “tube”). In the latter, the little kid stumbles upon an egg on his rustic, werewolf-stalked farm. The dragon possibilities are pretty much endless in fantasy adventure. Dragon riders, dragon tamers, dragon jugglers*: Go nuts. If dragons are plentiful, however, be sure to have many different types, just like the elves. Dragons are usually classed by color: green, red, gold, black, or at least that’s what I learned from playing Heroes of Might and Magic II and III in high school. This may not actually be true. Frankly, I don’t care. Some dragons breathe fire, others poisonous gas, and still others exhale water, salt, or hordes of flying monkeys, which strike quickly with scimitars they stole from aging pirates, then return to the dragon’s mouth. Some dragons are actually made up of a number of human beings. These are usually found running in the streets during Chinese New Year. Basically, dragons are gold. Toss a dragon in your story, no matter how little sense it makes, and people will buy it. They will buy 8 copies each. They will probably even date you.
Now you know whether you’re writing an urban fantasy or a fantasy adventure, there are any number of sub-sub-genres to choose from: mythic fantasy, fairytale fantasy, sword-and-planet, magical Marxism, and warlock-on-druid erotic quest literature, to name but a few. How to choose? Simple. Construct a cardboard wheel, and divide it into wedges. Now attach to a moving base with a needle, and spin! Afterwards, you can re-purpose the device for a Wheel of Fortune home game that’s sure to delight your friends!
Get writing, and be sure to tune in for Part II: Surefire Story Devices!
(* The phrase “dragon jugglers” refers both to dragons who are jugglers, and dragons being juggled. Possibly by a cyclops or titan.)
Andrew Smith – 2006
